God's Wisdom
Tom Shrader explores James 3:17 and the seven characteristics of wisdom from above, emphasizing that godly wisdom begins with purity in four areas: thought, habit, motive, and God's Word. Using personal stories from his marriage and ministry, he contrasts earthly wisdom that produces jealousy and selfish ambition with heavenly wisdom that creates peace, gentleness, and good fruit in relationships and daily life.
“I believe that everybody has one thing that, except for the grace of God, they're over the cliff immediately.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: Miscellaneous
Recorded: 1987
Duration: 48 min
Themes: wisdom, purity, marriage, humility, peace, gentleness, relationships, character, struggling in marriage, husband, pastor, ministry leader, married couple, seeking wisdom, relationship conflict, leadership challenges
Scripture: James 3:17, James 3:13-16, James 1:5, Romans 12:2, Colossians 3:2, Philippians 4:8, 1 Peter 1:13-16, Romans 12:18, Hebrews 12:14, Matthew 5:9, John 14:27, 2 Timothy 2:24-25
Theological Themes: biblical wisdom, sanctification, spiritual maturity, godly character, holy living, christian conduct, spiritual fruit, divine wisdom
Full Transcript
A Humbling Beginning
The first time Susan and I ever did a husband-wife retreat, when we were up in the mountains, we had about 15 couples. There were about 30 of us on that Saturday afternoon. We were at a lodge, beautiful setting on a lake, and we were starting the afternoon study. We walked out on the porch, and I began the study.
As I started, there was conversation over on this side of the room, and much to my surprise, I looked over, and it was Susan and another gal, and they were laughing and talking. So I kind of looked, and I gave her one of those looks like you might give your kids. I kind of said, shape up. Then I continued, and I was into some really good stuff, and I was on a roll.
All of a sudden, I could hear the snickering to the side, so I stopped. I said, "Obviously, there's something very funny, and obviously, you two have some sort of a secret. You're very witty, very clever, so why don't you just stand up and tell the group what's so funny?" Susan said, "No, I don't want to do that." I said, "No, no, you've persisted now. You've disrupted everything. Stand up and tell the group what's so funny." Susan stood up, and she said in a voice booming, I've never heard her speak like this in her life, said, "Tom's zipper is down." Kind of broke the whole momentum that day.
Questions About Marriage and Family
We've been meeting down here for two years now, and inevitably, every trip down brings questions. I have probably had more questions about tonight's general topic than any other subject, and that's about marriage and family. I get more guys saying, "What do I do with this kid that doesn't seem to respond, and I don't know, and I got this wife, and she doesn't," and then the wife will call and say, "But he doesn't either. So what do I do there?"
I'm going to run a risk tonight, and I know that this is risky, and I know I'm taking a chance, but I'm going to crack the door on my life about this much and let you see me, and therefore, see Susan, and see our kids as we really are. I want to tie it in, and hopefully, you'll pull some truth out of this and something that's applicable to your life.
My Way Philosophy
I want to start by giving you a watershed date in my life. It was December 13th, 1979, but I need to build you up to that date. I moved down from Iowa. Moved down from Iowa, charged up, filled with enthusiasm, ready to take on the world. I arrived in Tempe with my college degree saying, "Let's go. Let's go get them."
I had basically a philosophy of life that is exhibited in that bumper sticker that you see all the time that says, "The one who dies with the most toys wins," and that was my philosophy of life. I was convinced that when Frank Sinatra sang that famous song of his, "My Way," that was my school song. Well, when you live my way, there are regrets, and I had a few, but they were, again, too few to mention. Then Sammy Davis came along, and he said, "Well, I just got to be me." And I said, "Well, I guess this is just what it's all about. If I'm going to live my way, I just got to be me, and there's going to be some bodies to step over as I try to climb that corporate ladder."
The Search for Acceptance, Hope, and Peace
In my life, there were three things I always wanted, and they were acceptance and hope and peace. My life had reached a point where instead of acceptance, I felt rejection. Instead of hope, my life had no hope. Instead of peace, my life was in utter turmoil.
At this point in my life, I was living in apartment 202 up in Scottsdale. One Saturday, I was sitting out on the porch, and I saw this chair coming up the stairs. This chair at the top of the stairs made a left into apartment 201. Under this chair was this nice pair of legs. Much to my surprise, when their legs came out, there was a nice little torso and a cute little face. I said, "Well, this is going to be nice." And that was Susan. I said, "Well, I'm going to get to know her a little better, and I'm going to turn on the old charm."
The Pursuit
So I went over, and we started the dating process, and we dated for about two months. Finally, the night of a Christmas party, I like to have a few spirits at Christmas. So the night of the Christmas party, the next morning, she told me that if I was the last guy on this earth, she emphasized the word earth. No foreigners, it doesn't matter, no one. "If you were the last person on earth, I don't think I'd ever want to see you again."
Well, guys, you know what she's saying, don't you? Come on, I love you. I knew that. So I started to pursue her, and that was in December, and this went through January, and then into February, and then into March, and I'd call her every day, and every day she'd reject me.
Finally, I called her at work. That was my scheme. I said, "Well, she's got to be nice to me at work." And I said, "Look, if I don't bother you for two weeks, will you go out with me in two weeks?" And she said, "Yes, absolutely, I'll do that. Call me in two weeks." Thirteen days later, I called. I said, "I can't wait another day. Will you go out with me tonight?" And she did. To make a long story very short, we have essentially been together ever since.
When the Cup Began to Drip
It's important for me to say right in here that Susan was everything a person could ask for in another person, and everything a child could ever want in a mother, and everything a husband could ever ask for in a wife. Yet, after a period of time, this cup began to drip. Somebody said, "You and I are like cups, and we just try to fill them up with people and places and things." My cup began to drip. Susan couldn't keep it full.
December 13, 1979
That brings us to December 13, 1979. If you're a sports fan, you'll know it's the only time in his boxing career that Ed Tuttle Jones fought in Phoenix. If you're a real fan, you'll know that Ray Boom Boom Mancini was on the undercard. Well, it was also a friend of mine's birthday, and birthdays to me in boxing meant gin, tonic, scotch, water, beer. We started at noon, and
We went hard to get to the fights. They ran out of gin. I think I was a principal cause of it, but I don't know that you could build that case. We had some beer, and then it was time to go home. I had to go from Phoenix to Scottsdale, and for a trip like that, you need trail juice. So I stopped to pick up some more trail juice.
Finally, I got to Scottsdale to a classy little place called Tuba City Truck Stop and Country Club. We stopped there for a couple of good night drinks, and I started that final two-mile trek home. As I started to head home, I got onto Camelback Road, and all of a sudden, these lights were flashing in the back. So I moved over to the side to let the emergency vehicle pass. I moved over, and it moved over.
You have to know me to truly appreciate it—up came a female police officer and said, "Can I see your license?" I said, "I've been through this before. I can't stand on one foot. I can't touch my nose. Let's just go." We went down to the Scottsdale jail, and I called Susan. I will never forget the look, not on her face, but on her whole body, as she walked in the door. She was eight and three-quarter months pregnant. She said, "Let's go home."
The Wake-Up Call
It was at that point in my life, really the next morning, where I woke up and said, "There's got to be more to what's going on than what I'm experiencing." I believe Frank Sinatra, but I've done it my way, and it isn't working. About that time, somebody said to me, "Tom, I've got the answer to your problem." I said, "Well, I need an answer. What is it?" They said, "Tom, the answer to your problem is Jesus Christ." I said, "See you around the base, Ace. Not interested. No thanks."
About a month later, I knew there was a Bible study at Phoenix Country Club, and in I went. There was a guy there by the name of Larry Wright. We had a group of about half this size, a fraction of this size, about 40 of us. Larry was talking, and that morning, it's as though it was only he and I in the room. It's like he had been following me around and writing down all the things. It was just he and I, and he was just laying this stuff on me.
I went back to the office physically shaken, and I called Larry. I said, "We need to get together. We need to talk about this stuff." We sat down at a Humpty Dumpty, and he said, "What do you want to know?" I said, "Hey, I need answers." He said, "Tom, the answer is Jesus Christ." I've heard that. I said, "Here's what I'm willing to do, Larry. I'm going to go home and I'm going to study all the ancient writings, all the Jewish writings. I'm going to study the Bible. I'm going to study what the Hindus have to say and the Buddhists, and I'm going to read a couple of Shirley MacLaine books, and I'm going to read everything there is. When you and I get together next week..." See, I didn't think this was going to take that long.
The Moment of Truth
Six days later, sitting in a parking lot at McCormick Ranch, I reached down and picked up a little pamphlet that said a couple of things. It said, first of all, you're a sinner. Didn't need to convince me of that. I knew that. It said, Jesus Christ was God, who came to this earth to die on the cross to pay the price for your sin. It said, if you'll respond to His call in your heart, He'll take control of your life.
At that moment, in that parking lot at McCormick Ranch, at about eight o'clock in the morning, I said, "Lord, I've tried this for 30 years, it's yours." Everything that I do in my life is based on that commitment. So when it's time to talk about marriage, I have to go back to this book.
The Focus on Family
USA Today carried an article about a week and a half ago, and it said the end topic for books this December was going to be the family. Erma Bombeck has a book coming out on the family. Marlo Thomas has a book coming out on the family. Bill Cosby has a book coming out on the family. Marlo Thomas said this morning in an interview, she said the family is the only thing you can count on. Evidently, Phil Donahue didn't know that. But the family is the only thing you can count on.
I want to talk to you in some broad terms, but yet broad enough that they touch many of us. Just to give us just a rough guess, how many of you in the room are married? This is always interesting. Susan and I were talking as you were coming in. I said... she said, "What's the general demographic of the group?" I said, "Where did you go to school? We don't talk like that. Where did you get this language? Demographic?" I don't know.
But just what we're saying here, how many of you, just so we get... just to be interesting, I think, how many of you have been married less than a year? Less than six months. What are you doing here tonight? You ought to be home. I don't understand you. Anybody less than three months? Less than two months. These are newlyweds.
The Veterans of Marriage
Let's go the other way. How many of you have been married 25 years or more? How about 30 years or more? This guy's so excited, he knocked over the water. He's never seen anybody married 30 years. How about 35 years or more? You got to keep them up. Boy, a lot of you. How about 40 years or more? We lost some there. My, my, my.
50 years. Anybody married 50 years? Rosie's hand's never going down. When I was talking about... we were teaching about Abraham, Rosie said, "Let me tell you what the guy was really like." Anybody married more than 60 years or more? Yeah. Isn't that neat? That's neat. I love that. I admire that.
60 years or more, and then let me just tell you that Rosie's still open to new teaching and to new things and to new ideas, and a lot of this stuff is new to him. It's an inspiration to me always to see him. I'm going to ask you to turn to the book of James. If you've got your Bible, if you don't, the book of James. Hey, Rosie, let me have your wine. The book of James in the third chapter. I'll tell you also, we not only appreciate you being here, but we know...
Wisdom from Above vs Earthly Wisdom
We're looking at James 3:17 tonight, which says, "The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy." This verse starts with "but," which indicates a contrast with what James just said before it.
In verse 14, James describes earthly wisdom: "But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but it's earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder in every evil thing."
James is saying there are two kinds of wisdom. Earlier in chapter 1, verse 5, James says, "If any of you lacks wisdom" - and I can almost see his tongue in his cheek as he writes that, because we all lack wisdom. He says if any of you lack wisdom, all you have to do is ask, and God gives it without reproach and gives it generously. One version says He gives it without resentment.
I don't think a day goes by, certainly not a meeting, that I don't pray James 1:5. I say, "Lord, You tell me if I ask for wisdom, You'll give it. Lord, give me wisdom." I love the version that says He gives without resentment. It's not like I pray that and then He says, "Wait a minute. Let me check your wisdom bank. Hmm, you're overdrawn at the wisdom bank." No, He continues to give, if I ask.
A Call for Self-Examination
This idea of wisdom seems to stick in James' mind, or God sticks it in there. He says there's earthly wisdom and there's godly wisdom. Earthly wisdom produces jealousy and bitterness and selfish ambition.
I'm going to ask you to look at this verse for purposes of self-examination. This is one of those lessons that it's kind of fun to look at and then try to figure out who in your life fits into these categories, or to look at it and say, "Man, I hope he's listening to this," or to be saying, "This is why I brought her." I want you to resist that temptation. I want you to look at this verse from your perspective and your life.
The writer of Proverbs tells us that wisdom begins with what? Fear of the Lord. Fear of the Lord isn't that trembling, frightful, timid, scared. Fear of the Lord we define as a wholesome dread of ever displeasing God. That produces real wisdom.
Seven Characteristics of Godly Wisdom
James says here's seven characteristics of the wisdom from above: "The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy."
Let me ask you this: If I asked you to evaluate your life, would any of these words come to mind? If I took this verse and just gave it to somebody off the street and said, "Make one observation," I think almost anybody could pick this out - that there seems to be some significance to the order here. He said the wisdom is "first pure." That seems important.
The Challenge of Purity
So I want to talk a little bit about purity. When's the last time you heard somebody talk about that? That's almost passé. That's old-fashioned. We don't even use the word anymore. We use it when we talk about pure gold. If you hit a golf shot just absolutely perfect, some guy will say, "Well, I really pured it." But as a quality of life or a lifestyle, I don't know that I hardly ever use it.
A friend of mine said to me a year ago, "I can't stand Debbie Boone." I said, "Well, why can't you stand Debbie Boone?" He said, "I can't stand Debbie Boone because she's such a goody-goody." I said, "Boy, you know, Susan and I, that's what we think. We're really hoping, we're trying to steer the girls, we're hoping they grow up like Madonna. That's what we want them to be like."
He struck a chord with me because I don't like Debbie Boone either, but I don't know why. Actually, I think I do like her and I enjoy her, but I know exactly what he's saying. There's something about a person that's just too good to be true. Pureness, it's almost passé. We're almost repulsed by it.
Four Areas of Purity
When we talk about purity, I want to talk about four areas of purity: purity of thought, purity of habit, purity of motive, and the purity of God's Word.
First of all, the purity of thought. Romans chapter 12, verse 2 says, "Therefore be transformed by the renewing of your mind." There's something about this mind that needs to be transformed. In the context there, Paul is saying, "Look, you've come to Christ in repentance and faith, you've done what I did that day at McCormick Ranch, you've given your life to the Lord." He said, "Now be about the business of having your mind not reformed, but transformed, totally changed."
Set your mind on the things above, not on the things of this earth. Einstein wrote in 1943 and said this: "The only thing that has not changed is the human mind."
The Challenge of Pure Thinking
The idea of the purity of thoughts. We live in a world in which the idea of purity is challenged all the time. There's so much that's pulling at us - television, print media, advertisements everywhere. You are missing poor little rich girl to be here tonight. Luckily we didn't meet Sunday or you would have missed a madam, whatever her name was.
The TV constantly barrages us. We see it all around us. On the Black Canyon Highway, there's a giant billboard that says, "You've come a long way, baby." There sits a girl with legs about twenty feet long, draped over the side of that billboard. CNN did a special last weekend on selling advertising with sex.
The first one I remember is the old Noxzema commercial: "Take it off. Take it all off." I used to flip. That was the day I watched ads. I used to flip, wondering when that ad would be on again, when I'd see that. I'd never seen anything like that. The last study I saw said by the time a child is eighteen years old, they will have seen three hundred and fifty thousand television ads, constantly bombarding our minds.
The Struggle for Purity
Purity of thought. Let me tell you what the men struggle with. I believe that everybody has one thing that, except for the grace of God, they're over the cliff immediately. Men struggle in a lot of areas. They struggle with money. They struggle with power. They struggle with pride of their intellects. But the number one thing, for the majority of the men that I meet, is sex.
I was with a guy last week, and he said this to me: "I am not attracted to any specific woman. I deliberately hired an ugly secretary. I am in love with my wife, but I live on the razor's edge. Pretty girl catches my eye. My mind begins to go. The area of temptation begins to explode in my mind. My thought begins to go. My eyes begin to bat. And I'm gone with it. I live right there."
That very same day, I was in a guy's office, and he said, "Tom, I've got to tell you something that I'm really struggling with." I said, "Yeah?" He said, "It's this satellite television that I have. I love it. I get all the ball games. I get everything that I want. But every time I flick - it seems like men are flickers - every time I flick, I also get this Playboy channel. And my thumb, gosh, I've got to rest that thing and get that blood back in that thing. And my mind, it just goes. It's just gone."
Real-Life Battles
A friend that's struggled in this area of pornography - and by that we don't mean hardcore, we mean Playboy and Penthouse - tells about Christmas Day, going to the 7-Eleven. He got his grandkids a toy, and it needed a battery. He went into 7-Eleven to get that battery, and the gals, it was very busy. Everybody buying whipped cream. They didn't have whipped cream. She said, "The batteries are in the back."
So into the back he goes, and he picks up the battery, and there's the Penthouse. He talks about, before he knew it, that thing was open. He talks about the next two weeks struggling with this thing as his mind goes, and it's all over. Purity of thought.
Where I break down is, I don't know what that thing is for the gals. I called a friend of ours that leads a couple of large Bible studies in Phoenix, and I told her about this with the men. She said, "Well, a couple of things I'd tell you. One, I'm running into a lot of gals that are struggling with the same thing that the guys are struggling with. Probably the two most that I see other than that are this idea of gossip, a little backbiting that's going on, or the idea of wanting a little bit more. 'Oh, this old thing is all I've got to wear to La Paloma.'"
The Power of the Tongue
That thing of gossip is a deadly thing, and it crosses all the lines. It's interesting, because just before James talks about this wisdom, he talks about the tongue. Let me tell you something about the tongue. Do you know you can violate all ten commandments with your tongue? I would never think of stealing your car, but I might steal your reputation with a word. I've never in a million years taken a knife and shoved it in your stomach, but a character assassination, I can do it.
Godly wisdom produces a mind that's pure. Paul writes in Philippians and says this: "Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about it."
From Pure Thinking to Pure Living
Getting control of your mind, the purity of your mind, flips us right into the second thing: purity of habits. Now we're talking lifestyle, a pure lifestyle. I think morally we don't just fall off a cliff. It's more like a toboggan ride, just a little bit at a time. It's kind of like going into a maze. If I go into a maze just a little bit, I can screw my little tail right on out. But I get in there far enough and pretty soon up looks like down and left looks like right, and I'm confused. I think that's the way it is with sin.
I want to encourage you tonight to develop a pure lifestyle. We're talking about controlling people, places, and things around you. Let me give you the key word for this, because this is always a big thing. "Hey, Tom, great message, how do I do it? Great, great, right on, you're there. How do I do it?" Let me tell you, key word: common sense.
Practical Common Sense
A guy came the other day. He said, "I'm really struggling, really struggling." I said, "Great, what are you struggling with?" He said, "I do so well 29 days a month. I do well 29 days a month, but the first Monday of every month is a problem for me." "Why is that?" "Well, that's the Monday..."
that after we're done bowling, we go to bed. out, have a few beers, a few shooters. The next thing you know, we're kind of out, pretty soon the dollars are there and we're gone.
Now, how many of you are psychologists? First of all, there's one here who wouldn't have the guts to raise his hand. But how many of you are psychologists? Anybody? Okay. How many of you are trained in counseling? One guy. Okay. You're out. You don't get to answer this.
What would you tell this guy? Not too tough, is it? You might try going home on Monday night. See, it's a matter of common sense. People, places, and things. It's purity of habit.
Pre-Deciding Your Decisions
Paul tells Timothy, flee those things. Don't mess around with them and try to prove that you're a macho man and can handle them. You know what we tell the teens? We use this phrase: pre-decide your decisions. When you're sitting at home, before the date, that's when you figure out that you're going to say to the guy, no. You don't wait until you're in the backseat of the car and you're not thinking and then it's all over.
Well, we need to say the same thing to the adults. Pre-decide your decision. You've been to the spa and you've worked out. It's time to cool down. You don't cool down with hardly hard body or holly hard body. You get away from that.
If I have a problem wanting more, I don't spend my Sundays driving around looking at model homes to get decorating ideas. It's a purity of habit that triggers that whole process.
Let me give you a real tip. Let me really suggest this and we do this all the time. Let me give you a key to this and that's to get involved in a small group. These are fun things, but this is a small tip of the iceberg. To get involved with a small group, maybe four to eight people, and do in-depth Bible study. And maybe even beyond that, one-on-one. Guys with guys and gals with gals. Talking about what life's all about and the hard times that you face.
Peter writes this, and let me just read it to you. It's in first Peter chapter 1. He said this: "Therefore gird your minds for action, keep sober in spirit. Fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought about to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. And as obedient children do not conform to your former lusts, which were yours in ignorance. But like the Holy One who called you, be holy for He is holy." Purity of habit.
Purity of Motives
So we talk about purity of thought, purity of habit. Let me give you this: Purity of motives. I've discovered that there's one thing that underrides and moves us a great deal. I discovered that we can do the right things for the wrong reasons.
There was a guy some time ago and we got talking and he said, what do you do in Tucson? I said, well we do a Bible study. All of a sudden he felt compelled to share with me his spirituality. He said, well I go to church. I said, that's neat. Where do you go? And he told me the name of the church. I said, well how'd you pick that church out? He said, well this guy's a real estate developer. He said, the city manager and the chairman of the Planning and Zoning Commission go there. And I'm on the waiting list to get in their Sunday school class. Seems all the real estate people want to get in these guys' Sunday school classes. Purity of motive.
The Problem of Pride
C.S. Lewis writes this: there's one vice of which no man in the world is free, which everyone in the world loathes when they see it in someone else, and of which hardly any people except Christians ever imagine that they're guilty of themselves. He goes on and he says this: according to Christian teachers, this essential vice, this utmost evil, is pride. Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness—all those are mere flea bites in comparison. It was through pride that the devil became the devil.
Then he defines this for us. He said pride leads to every other vice. And he says pride is, very simple definition, a complete anti-God state of mind. He said, here's what pride is. It's an anti-God state of mind. It's something that creeps into our life and it motivates us and it moves us. Sometimes we don't even know it's there. We wouldn't even give pride credit for what drives us.
When you're sitting there ready to go out and the husband says to the wife, you're not going to wear that dress, are you? She said, wow, what's wrong with this? Well, it's the guys at the office, you know. What's he saying? He doesn't give a flip about her dress. He's saying, I know that the guys in that office are going to judge me by how you look.
I got some incredible news last May. It devastated me. Sarah came home from school with her Iowa grading test and I discovered I have an average child. I told her it was in her mother's genes. What do I care about her Iowa test for? Pride. It just creeps in.
Purity of thought, purity of habit, purity of motive is doing the right thing for the right reason. There's a little book, it's a classic called In His Steps, in which a man challenges his church to ask themselves every day in their life, as they're faced with incident after incident, what would Jesus have me do? That's the question. What would Jesus have you do?
Purity of God's Word
Purity of thought, purity of habit, purity of motive. And here's one that's important to me: purity of God's word. The Bible is the word of God. Someone asked W.C. Fields, they said, Fields, do you ever read the Bible? And he said, only for loopholes. The Bible isn't there to be bent and shaved.
Here's an Ann Landers from about three weeks ago. Dear Ann, our cocker spaniel Rags died yesterday. He was fifteen years old and everybody adored him. There are reminders of that darling pet everywhere—a feeding bowl, a rag doll, the ball he loved to chase. Our son Terry, age nine, asked, is Rags in heaven? Will I see him when I die? I asked our clergyman how to respond and he said, tell him no. Animals don't go to heaven. I believe that this is an insensitive response to a nine-year-old. Can you give me a better one? Signed, San Juan. Dear San Juan, I checked with several authorities
The best reply came from a man who's not a theologian, but chairman of the board of a major university, and He said this: "Tell the boy, heaven is anything you want it to be. Assure him that he will see everyone he wants to see in heaven, including pets."
Is heaven everything that little nine-year-old boy wants it to be? Is everybody he wants to see going to be in heaven? No. The Bible says those that will be in heaven are those that have come to Christ in repentance and faith. It's the purity of God's word, and we're losing a little bit of that.
It's so flippant now to say, "God told me." You saw a man who, on television, just finished his hour-long study a couple weeks ago. Standing there, He held up a little pamphlet that He had written, and He said, "I want you to have this. This is God's revealed word." No way. God revealed His word, and it's right here in front of us. The wisdom from above is, first, pure. Purity of thought, purity of habit, purity of motive, the purity of God's word.
Wisdom Produces Peace
He said, then it's peaceable. Boy, that applies to the marriage situation. Let me give you just a couple of verses of scripture. Romans 12:18 says, "As far as it depends on you, live in peace with everybody." Hebrews 12:14 said, "Try hard to live in peace with everybody and be holy." Matthew 5:9, Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, they'll be called children of God." John 14, Jesus said, "I leave you peace, I give you peace, my peace. Not peace that the world gives."
Godly wisdom produces peace. Peace in a relationship. I'm not into body language, but some of you speak volumes of it, just to watch you come in. You can almost see the tension in your relationship as you come in the door. You can almost see it how you turn away from each other. Godly wisdom produces peace.
Not necessarily in the world. Douglas MacArthur, at the end of World War II, accepting the surrender of Japan, said this about the world: "We've had our last chance. If we do not now desire some greater, more equitable system, Armageddon will be at our door." And then Douglas MacArthur said this: "The problem is basically theological. It involves spiritual renewal, improvement of the human character. It must be of the spirit if we're to save the flesh." It's a theological problem, and it's godly wisdom produces peace.
A good friend of mine who we know well said the other day, "How come you and Susan don't fight?" I said, "Well, let me tell you something. We do fight, but what you're asking is, how come we don't have these massive blow-ups?" And let me tell you why. And I share this with you, because it's of God, it's not human. It's not my response, and it's not hers. The reason is, one of us backs off.
A Saturday Afternoon Lesson
Let me give you an illustration from last Saturday. Saturday is a big day to me. College football. I start with CNN college football today, and then I flip over and I get WTVS Saturday college football. Last Saturday, a particular difficult day, because Iowa hasn't won at Ohio State since 1959. And I'm there, and I'm primed, and I'm ready for the game.
And it's about 11 o'clock, Susan is there. I said, "Susan, I'm really starving." Lovingly, I said, "I'm really starving." And she said, "Well, what would you like?" And I said, "Well, we've been the last few Saturdays getting these submarine sandwiches from this place, so why don't you just get a couple of those and bring them back, and we'll have them."
So she brought them back, cut them up, and she gave me one. And I'm eating a lot right now. I'm in a growing spurt. So I ate everything that she gave me, and some of the kids trickled in, and a couple of the kids in the neighborhood, and they cut it up, and she gave them. So I went over for seconds, there was still this piece there, and she said, "Tom, why don't you wait? One of the kids might want them."
So I went in, and I looked at the kids, and they don't care. I said, "Anybody ready for seconds?" "Well, I don't know, Dad, we might, might, I'm not sure." So I went back, and I sat down, and I said to Susan, "Look it. It's Saturday. It's my favorite day. It's college football Saturday. I've told you that I'm hungry. You know that I'm going through a growing spurt. How can you not have enough sandwiches? It's not like I'm asking you to plan for retirement. I'm not talking about 20 years from now. You don't have to figure out CPIs and COLAs. You know that. All you've got to do is get enough sandwiches so that we can eat and be satisfied."
We are at a key moment. I sat back in the chair and watched the game. She got up a couple of minutes later, went in with the kids, came out, took the sandwich and brought it over to me and sat it down. And I don't mean sat it down, I mean sat it down. And I know that the next one who talks loses.
And then Susan said to me, "Boy, this looks like a good game. Is there any single game that you're really excited about watching today?" See, the whole situation is diffused. She didn't stand up for her rights and say, "Hey, you're a jerk, you want a sandwich? Go get your own sandwich." Let me tell you, that's not natural. That's godly.
The Challenge of Gentle Wisdom
Let me ask you the $64,000 question. Do you have that kind of godly, peaceable spirit in your life? Do you claim to be a Christian? Because if you do, that's available to you. In fact, James says, not only is it available, He said, "I demand it."
The wisdom from above is first pure and then it's peaceable and then it's gentle or meek. We define that as strength under control, a spirit that forgives again and again and again. Paul writes to Timothy in 2 Timothy, "The Lord's bondservant must not be quarrelsome but kind to all, able to teach patience when wronged, with gentleness correct those in opposition."
That's what Susan exhibited that morning. It's that spirit that overlooks, that doesn't keep score, doesn't say, "This is my money and your money."
So many people are keeping score in their relationship, saying, "You remember back 13 years ago?" Let me really get down and get dirty. I really see this in relationships where there's been adultery, where I've got guys or gals saying, "Hey, she had an affair five years ago. I've got every right to divorce her." I wish God would have put a statute of limitations on that.
He said there's the spirit that's gentle, it's pure, it's peaceable, it's gentle, it's also reasonable—and that really means teachable. It's willing, if I show it the right way to do it, to yield to it. If I come to it and say I'm wrong, it's the spirit that David had when he was confronted with his sin with Bathsheba. Remember what he said when he was confronted? "I have sinned," and he repented and his heart was broken. God didn't kick him and say, "Well, it's all over for you, David." It's peaceable, it's gentle, it's reasonable.
Full of Mercy and Good Fruit
James says this wisdom from above is full of mercy and good fruit. It's a productive life. It's not, "Oh, I'm a Christian." It's the old adage: if I followed you around for a week gathering evidence and I dragged you into court and accused you of being a Christian, would I have enough evidence to convict you? Is my life producing fruit? Are there things in my life that would say I'm a Christian?
Let me get down and dirty here too. I'm not talking about going out and leading Bible studies, or how many men you've led to the Lord, or gals that you've got in your Bible study. I honestly think the best barometer is what's it like at home. Where are you with your kids? Can mom and dad get along?
A fellow said to me about a month ago, "You know, I look at my daughter. She claims to be a Christian, but I don't see any fruit in her life." And I said, "Let me ask you a question. If I brought her in here and I said, 'Name the three godliest men you know,' would you be on the list?" And his head just dropped. He knows the truth of that. That's where it all starts. This is all for naught if that's not in place.
Anybody that works with teenagers and they eventually get around talking about religion will say, "Where are you on religion?" And it's not uncommon—in fact, it's more common than not—to hear those kids say, "Hey, I see my folks. I see them on Sunday, and then I see them the other six days of the week. Christianity? It's a joke." Full of mercy and good fruit.