Accountability in Leadership
Tom Shrader defines accountability as voluntary submission to peer examination characterized by transparent honesty and humble responsiveness. Using David and Jonathan's friendship from 1 Samuel as a model, he identifies key elements: defined commitment, absolute availability, loving confrontation, total trust, genuine affection, relational longevity, and consistent loyalty. He emphasizes that accountability relationships must be built around shared Christian values and result in increased impact, security, and stabilized responses to life's challenges.
“Accountability is voluntary submission of one's life to peer examination characterized by transparent honesty and humble responsiveness.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: Studies in Leadership
Recorded: February 27, 2003
Duration: 39 min
Themes: accountability, leadership, humility, friendship, trust, honesty, loyalty, transparency, new to leadership, mentor, struggling with pride, pastor, elder, accountability partner, young adult, developing character
Scripture: 1 Samuel 18, 1 Samuel 20:4, 1 Samuel 20:17, Philippians 2:2, Proverbs 27:17, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Theological Themes: sanctification, spiritual maturity, biblical friendship, peer examination, christian community, spiritual accountability, discipleship, covenant relationships
Full Transcript
Defining Leadership Through Accountability
Let's get after session five here today. Just by way of reminder, we're talking about leadership and we're defining leadership in not the typical terms that we would think, really breaking some stereotypes. Basically we're saying this to you: you're a leader if anybody's watching and if anybody's following. The very simple act of being here today puts you in a position of leadership.
When you start to talk to people about this study or where you go to church or something like Bob's talking about in the master's program and what God's doing in your life, all of a sudden people are watching you. As they look at you, there's some characteristics, some qualities that we want to see you develop in your life. We've talked about humility. We started there.
For me, I've just evolved and I don't think this is original. I think I'm slow figuring out and getting there, that humility I think is the key to the Christian life. If pride is the ultimate vice, then humility is the ultimate virtue. We talked about loyalty or faithfulness. We talked about confidence and faith. Last week we talked about vision. Today we talk about accountability.
The Problem with Accountability
I'll just tell you up front, this is just me now, I don't like that word. It's not because I don't want to be accountable. It's just because this buzzword for things that people do and use and I think abuse. In my simplest idea of accountability and holding one another accountable, accountability is you and I mutually agreeing that we can hold one another to a mutually agreed upon standard for our lives. If all of a sudden you come into my life and you want to hold me to your standard for my life, that isn't accountability, that's judgment.
Let me give it to you because it's not on your sheet. There's the definition we're using and it's a hybrid of a definition of some of what Bob thinks and Webster as well. Accountability is voluntary submission of one's life to peer examination characterized by transparent honesty and humble responsiveness. Let me read it again: voluntary submission of one's life to peer examination characterized by transparent honesty and humble responsiveness.
Key words there are honesty and responsiveness. It's the idea that there's going to be this open exchange of ideas. When that happens periodically you're going to hear from that other person some stuff you don't want to hear. You've got blind spots and I've got blind spots, and part of accountability is pointing those things out to each other.
The Challenge of Transparency
I think we've reached a point. If you go to the generation above me, my dad is here today, and you talked to my dad and Al and that generation, those people didn't talk much. They weren't into how you feel was something a doctor asked you when you came out of surgery. They weren't into a lot of feeling. My generation maybe a little bit. Under us in the new generation, these people are incredible about how much they talk.
We used to do a thing where we at church would invite the newcomers, the people who are new to the church. I'd have them over to the house and we'd sit around. This is where I got my first taste of this because you'd get somebody like me and we'd say, "I'm Tom and I'm here and blah, blah, blah." But you get somebody about 25 and I remember one night specifically we're sitting there in a semicircle and I said, "All right, we just want to go around the room and introduce yourself."
We started. "I'm Travis and this is Tiffany and we're 25. We've been sexually active since we were 14. Actually before that I wet the bed." I'm going, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, we don't need that. I don't care what you did with your hamster. That's not my deal." We want to stay focused on who you are and where you're from and if you have a job, what is it.
I don't think, and I've been accused by different people of playing my cards close to the vest, stuffing it. I do not share every thought I've ever had and it's my view that the world's a better place for that. I don't think I need to tell you everything.
Finding the Right Zone for Accountability
Having said that, there needs to be a zone, a place, somewhere. I personally think it's a small place where you can be very transparent, where you can talk with safety about those hurts and pains and those struggles. Somewhere somebody's not going to come back, make a note, and then take out this little stick and beat you with it three years later where you've always struggled with that.
So when we're talking about this idea of accountability, we're talking about honest transparency and we're talking about a responsiveness to it.
What Is Accountability?
Point A in your outline, what is accountability? Two things. A relationship built around shared values, Philippians 2:2. The idea that we're sharing values. If we want to talk about accountability, we want to use the word friendship.
Here's what I'm saying to you. Those close friends, those best friends, they need to be Christians if you are. If you're a Christian, they need to share that because here's what's going to happen. In this idea of sharing and being transparent and sharing intimate thoughts, you're going to need advice coming back the other way. If they don't share the view that the Bible is the infallible, inerrantly accurate word of God, and if they don't share your faith in Jesus Christ, they're going to give you some really good, worldly advice.
So we're talking about accountability. We're talking here about shared values. We're also talking about something that's mutually beneficial to you. Proverbs 27:17, nobody heard of it until the promise keepers grabbed hold of this, and now everybody's got iron sharpening iron. This idea of accountability is shared values, and it's mutually beneficial.
When we're talking about accountability, and we're now going to the scripture, and we're looking for a picture of friendship. If I said to you, "Look, we're going to do this Bible study. We need a biblical example..."
When we talk about the ideal of friendship, if someone asked you to think of two friends, you would say to me, "You know what you ought to do? You ought to look at the relationship between David and Jonathan."
Here's what's interesting about that. Here we are, thousands of years later, we say friendship, you say David and Jonathan. If you really stop and look at it, these guys should have been natural rivals.
Finally, there's a king in Israel, and it's Saul. Saul begins to move south, and God decides that it's time for a new king. The natural heir would have been Saul's son, Jonathan. Jonathan had all those rights to the throne, but God says, "No, I'm not going to look like the world looks. I got a little guy, he's back in here, he's tending sheep and playing a harp. I'm going to pick that David guy."
Here you go. David now exalted above Jonathan. There should have been an adversarial relationship there, but there isn't. Not just did they get along—like I said, thousands of years later, here you are, I say friendship, you say these two guys. What was present in their life that transcends all these years so that you still say David and Jonathan?
A Defined Commitment
Here you go, a couple of things. On your outline, there's a defined commitment. There's a point in this story, we're in 1 Samuel 18, where Jonathan and David made a covenant. There's an agreement. There was a defined commitment.
If I begin to talk about agreements, we've got agreements. You may have an agreement with Blockbuster Video. You may have an agreement with Chapman Chevrolet or Bank of America or Nordstrom's agreement. But probably the most visible covenant agreement, when we think in those terms, that most people enter into would be the marriage relationship.
When we start talking about this defined commitment, one of the key things—and this is beyond just friendship, in every human relationship—one of the key things, as quickly as it can be done, is to define expectation. Susan and I had been married less than three months, and I came home one day and I said, "Susan, I've got to tell you something. I'm not happy. I married you to make me happy, and I'm not happy." She said, "Well let me tell you something little guy. I'm not happy, and I married you to make me happy."
I really do think, as I look back at it—we've been married 25 years this June—as I look back over it, what I see has happened, in some cases spoken, in other ways understood, always better when it's spoken, is that we have realistic expectations of one another.
I had a guy call me, and we're talking on the phone. He said, "I don't have any friends," and at the end of the conversation, he said, "Would you be my friend?" I said, "Absolutely, that's great. Yeah, we're buddies."
So about six months later, he calls and he says, "I've got to just tell you something. You're a lousy friend." I said, "Well how can that be? I take your phone call, we go out, I let you buy lunch, you take me golfing, it seems like we're good friends." He said, "No, if we're friends—this is good—if we're really friends, our wives should be hanging out together. We should be thinking about vacationing together. We should be thinking about spending time, our kids ought to be spending nights at each other's house."
I said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not what I got into." It was a great example, small example, but a great example of expectation. He said friendship. I thought, getting together once in a while and talking; he's talking about a very involved relationship.
The Need for Same-Gender Friends
They make a covenant. I'm telling you, you need a buddy. You need a friend. I give you my rule of thumb: guys with guys and gals with gals.
Guys, if you're out there and you're saying, "My best friend is a woman"—and we'll say other than your spouse—if my best friend's a woman, you're setting yourself up for major problems. Ladies, if your best friend is a guy, you're setting yourself up for major problems. But there's expectations here.
Absolute Availability
Here's the second thing. There is an absolute availability. Jonathan says, 1 Samuel 20 verse 4, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you."
Bob and I used to talk a lot, frequently. Over the years, we speak less and less. Our paths don't cross near like they used to. I would say we probably now speak maybe twice a year on the phone. When Susan and I—and Bob is very relieved by this—when Susan and I made out our will, upon an instance of our death, our kids were transferred over to Bob.
Even though we speak a couple times a year, I am very confident—and Bob's very involved now with Franklin Graham traveling around the world, literally, Greg Laurie, plus the master's program—if I call Bob, and it's physically possible, and I say, "Listen, I'm up against it," I'm absolutely confident that he'd be there. There are other guys in my life that are like that as well, sprinkled around the country.
That's not what I'm talking about here. That's fine, but that's not what I'm talking about. If your accountability group is in Toronto and Fort Myers and St. Louis and Reno and Riverside, and you get together in a conference call once a quarter, that's not what we're talking about. That's fine, there's a place for it. We're talking about guys who are right there with you, walking with you, spending time with you, they can see you. You need this desperately.
A Story of Hidden Struggle
I get a call one day from a guy in Tucson. Let me try to paint you a picture of this guy, because I tell the story, you're going to think, "Well, this is some geeky little guy." This guy, if I can describe him, this guy physically was an absolute stud. I mean, he looks like he's chiseled out of stone. Just a physical—he looked like, well, kind of like this, to be honest with you. But I'm talking about like six foot one, just a stud.
He's driving this little red sports car. He's got a luxury sedan that he uses on the special occasions. He's at the club four or five days a week, hitting balls, playing golf. He's a guy's
guy. He calls one day on the phone and said, "We want to get together." We go to breakfast, we're sitting there, and he's kind of hemming and hawing, and I said, "You know, I got to go here pretty quick. I know you want something. What is it you want?"
And he said to me, "You said something last week that I've never heard before." I said, "Really, what is that?" He said, "Your comment was that it's wrong for me to have sex with women that I'm not married to." He said, "I've never heard this." I'm looking around, I'm saying, "Is Alan Funt here? Is this candid camera? Are you kidding me?" He said, "Tom, I never heard it. The first gal I ever slept with, I was 14, my dad put the deal together. He said my dad and I used to go out to bars. We'd walk into a bar, and my dad would say, 'Pick out a girl, any girl. I don't care if she's with a guy. I don't care. You pick her out, and by the end of the night, we'll have her. I guarantee it.'" He said, "This is all I've ever done. I've never heard this before."
I said, "Well, I guess you're serious." Let me take you through some things, and we talked back and forth. But you could see there was something there different, and what I saw was this guy who seemed to have it all who was so lonely. So I said to him, "If you got in a real jam, and you needed to talk to somebody, who would you talk to?" Then I did something that you ought to use. This is a great technique. I used silence. I stopped talking. I knew at this point that if I said something, I was going to take him off the hook, and I started moving my eggs from one side of the plate to the other.
It seemed like hours, and I know it was a minute or two, and he sat. When I looked back up, and I looked in the eye, he's got tears rolling down his cheeks. He said to me, "If I had to talk to somebody, I'd have to talk to my dog." And the sad thing is some of you don't even have a dog.
The guy's all alone. I'm telling you, he would come in this room, he would fit right in, he'd be yada, yada, yada, here we go, and this guy's all alone. You have got to get these kind of people in your life who are absolutely available. They're there. You don't need a bunch of them. I'm not talking about acquaintances that you can send a Christmas card to. I'm talking about two or three people at the most that you can have a transparently, honest conversation and relationship with.
The Foundation of Honest Confrontation
Dave and Jonathan had that. "Whatever you want me to do, David, I'll do it." There's a moment now of confrontation. Saul is not happy with what's going on with David. He decides that he's going to kill him, and he tries to kill him. David goes to Jonathan and says, "As for you, the kindness you show to your servant, for you have brought him into a covenant with me before the Lord, if I am guilty, then you can kill me yourself."
What Jonathan has just heard from David is, "Your dad's trying to kill me, and I know he's your dad, but you go and check it out, and if I'm lying to you, you go ahead and you kill me, Jonathan." There's a moment, if we're going to exchange this relationship, there's going to be moments of honest confrontation. It's moments where that person comes outside of your life and into it, and they help you see you as you really are.
It was about seven or eight years ago that I was over hitting some golf balls, and Duff Warrens came up to me and said, "Would you like me to videotape your swing?" And I said, "I don't know." He said, "Let's video it." So I go out, and he says, "Let's get a couple angles." So we hit a few balls, and he said, "Do you want to see this?" And I said, "Maybe not on a full stomach. I don't know that I'm up for this."
I looked in there, and I said, "That's not me. That looks like me. Those are the same clothes I'm wearing, but I swing kind of like Ernie Els, Big Easy. And this looks more like Arnold Palmer with that bad back at age 70. That's how this looks. That can't be me." And I said, "That isn't." And he said, "Tom, it's a tape. It's not live." "I don't think it is me, is it?"
The Power of Outside Perspective
You need that in your life. You need somebody that comes along, and they see you, and they check it out, and they understand you, and you've given them access. And they begin to look at those little things, and it's not always these huge deals. If it were the huge things, you'd catch them. It's the little thing.
Had a buddy that was playing golf on the tour, and absolutely in a slump, nowhere. Went back to his old pro, and here's what his pro said to him. He said, "I see two things. At the top of your swing, you're not cupping. You're not getting that hand cupped up there. And it looks like when you're finishing, you're probably too much in your heels. You need to get forward a little bit and think about that." Literally like that, he ends up finishing that year in the top 30. It's a little thing.
Here's what they're doing. There's loving confrontation. Now, we've got to go to the next point quickly, because if loving confrontation is going to work, there has to be total trust.
The Necessity of Total Trust
What these two guys have is a trusting relationship. About a year ago, I'm sitting in my office. Husband and wife come in. They got issues. They're talking. And I said, "I don't start with it. I don't do this at all anymore. I just don't meet with many people like that. There's just people around who do it far better than I do." But I said, "Never start with a guy." I said to the guy, "What do you think the problem is?" And so here's what he does, here's what he says. And she starts saying these things that he had said to her just that day.
I'm thinking, "That's what I said to Susan last night. That's what I do all the time. Oh, man, that sounds just like me." And so we went through, and I said, "Well, you need somebody else in here. Meet these guys." And I'm thinking, "How come he says it to her, and they're in here talking to me, and I say it to Susan, and we just keep going on?" And I think the reason's this. There's trust between us. I'll say things that are really stupid, and
She doesn't all of a sudden take it, write it down, put it on her computer, make sure it's on the hard drive, use it as a screensaver. Here's what she does: she goes, "That's a stupid thing. Tom is saying really stupid stuff today, I guess. So why don't I ignore that for right now?" Because you know what she knows? Outside of the Lord, there's no one I love more in the world than Susan.
The Crisis of Individualism and Mistrust
You've got two problems going on right now that's making the country hard to function. Radical individualism—you've got 290 million special interest groups. All you've got to do is watch one of these debates with the candidates when all of a sudden these kids start putting up their hand and say, "You know, I've got a question. Am I going to have to repay this student loan? I've got a question. I'm coming out of school, and is there going to be a job for me? What are you going to do to create a job for me? What are you going to do about getting me health care? What are you going to do about paving my road? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do for me?" It can't function that way.
But a bigger problem is no one trusts each other. We had a major crisis in this city about six years ago. I doubt you even remember it now. It dominated newspapers. It was on all the talk shows. It was on the news. A major crisis in this city. Remember it? Will we let you bring food into the ballpark? That was a big issue. And that went on for weeks.
"Oh, you don't want to bring food? They're just fat cats. They're just trying to gouge us with $2.50 for a bottle of water. We don't trust them. They're just fat cats." And the other guys are saying, "Well, we just can't have anything coming in here. We've got to come up with some system." Management and labor: "They're just a bunch of rich guys, those managers. They don't do anything"—which is fairly accurate now that I think about it. But here's management, and we've got these labor guys: "They're lazy. They're looking for a way to do it." There's no trust anywhere.
Well, we can't solve labor management. We can't solve ballpark issues. But I'm saying to you, in your circle of friends, you've got to find this environment where there is trust. And then, here you go, genuine affection.
The True Nature of David and Jonathan's Love
1 Samuel chapter 20, verse 17 is a verse that is causing an awful lot of problems for us. I'll read it to you, because it seems pretty harmless: "And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him." There's a whole segment of our culture who's using 1 Samuel chapter 20, verse 17 to try to say that Jonathan and David were homosexual lovers.
I just did a special message on a Sunday on this very topic, trying to respond to what we see in the community. You all know there's probably 80—and the list is growing, it may be up as high as 100 now—pastors and clergy have supported this document, basically supporting gay rights, supporting gays in ministry, supporting gays in the pulpit. I thought I was compelled to comment or respond to that. So I wanted to do some work. When I started to look at how they see homosexuality in a positive light, frequently they go back to this verse and say, "That's what's really going on with Jonathan and David."
That's not what's going on with Jonathan and David. They loved each other. In fact, the scripture writer said he loved him because he loved him as much as he loved himself. There was a selfless, sacrificial, genuine, caring affection for one another. He loved him just like he loved himself.
The Example of Christ's Sacrificial Love
Paul's writing along in Philippians 2. Here's what he said: "I want you to think like Jesus. I want you to have the attitude in you that's also in Christ. I want you to have the mindset, the grid, the way you look at life, just like Jesus." And then he says, "Here's the model. Have an attitude in you that's also in Christ, who although He was equal with God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. But He emptied Himself, not of His deity, but of His glory. And He became man. And He came to the earth. And He humbled Himself, to be found in the form of a man. And He died on a cross. Now you love like that. Think like that."
See, in this, you see the progression here? In this available, confrontational, trusting relationship, it flows out of genuine love and affection.
The Freedom of Sacrificial Obedience
I'll give you a little tip here. When you live this sacrificial, loving way, you're going to find great freedom. I'll give you an example. The scripture seems to me to not stutter on this point: "Wives, submit to your husbands." The minute we say it, you all want to debate it. You all want to talk about it. We all want to argue about it. We want to try to say it's in context of culture and everything. And He says, "Well, not really, because the example would be Adam and Eve. And so just love them. Just submit to them."
When you talk to a gal that's in submission—godly, biblical submission—regardless of what the husband's doing, because here's what I hear: "Well, if I submit like that, he's going to take advantage of me." Well, sure he is. I know that. Just like, by the way, when we say, "Guys, love and nurture and cherish your wives," she's going to take advantage of that. I got that all figured out.
When you live like that, there's great freedom, because the result isn't up to you. It's not about you. It's not about results. God wants one thing from you: He wants obedience. That's all He's looking for. When the scripture says do it, to do it. When it says avoid it, avoid it. In the vast majority of areas, He's looking for you to apply wisdom. He's not looking for results, because the results are up to Him.
He's not saying submit as long as he's easy to live with. Love her as long as she's responding. That's not what He's saying. He's saying, "Listen, you do what I've called you to do, and I'll take care of the results." And let me tell you something: you want to find freedom—
There's great freedom right there in every area of life. It gets so practical. Talk about evangelism. So often in the Christian life, we say evangelism and think, "Oh, this is terrible. I'm going to have to evangelize." All of a sudden, there's this pressure, because you're thinking, if that person doesn't respond to the gospel, something's wrong with you. It's always helpful to make sure I'm presenting the gospel accurately, and that I'm loving that person. But whether that person responds or not doesn't depend on you. It's up to God working in their life. Isn't that what scripture says? So now you live freely. You live a loving life.
Relational Longevity
Here you go. And now there's relational longevity. Here you go. As a matter that you and I discussed, and the Lord is my witness between you and me, we will be together forever.
I came home one day, and Sarah, I think, was in about fifth or sixth grade. I looked, and I saw this piece of jewelry, a chain. I saw this thing hanging on it. From a distance, I wasn't sure what it was. As I got closer, I saw that it was one of these half hearts. It was one of those hearts that had this jagged edge on it. At least the ladies are smiling, because they know exactly what's going on. That means somebody else has the other half. It says, like, best friends forever. I'm thinking, oh. So I said, "Sarah, who's got the other half of that? Not a guy, I hope." She said, "No, a girl." I said, "All right, great. Susan, this is something you're going to have to deal with. Because I know this is going to fall apart here pretty quickly."
Sure enough, about two weeks later, that chain's gone. I said, "Where's your chain?" "Yeah, we're not getting together anymore. We're not buddies anymore." When we moved three weeks ago, part of the moving is just finding mountains of stuff. I found, I don't know why I had them, but the girls' old yearbooks from junior high and from high school. Here are these junior high, you know, "to my cutie, buds forever." These are girls that they haven't talked to since the day they signed this book.
Here's what we figured out in our life. I'm going to keep Susan, and she's going to keep me. So that's done. We are through having kids. That's done. Unless God moves in some extraordinary way, I'm not leaving Phoenix. I have no idea where I would go. I can't stand this rain. I know many of you love it. I hate this. This just reminds me how fortunate I am to live here, where it's 115. I'm not leaving Phoenix, I'm not leaving the church, I'm not having more kids. We've been doing this now for 11 years. I got no interest in stopping to do this. We're growing the church, and I'm going to do that. I have no other life. I am living Groundhog Day. Every day of my life is kind of the same, and I love it. This is what I'm doing.
Here's what I'm now looking for, and I've got them in place, and that is, the guys that we're going to do this together. I'm watching an old Billy Graham crusade the other day. When I say old, I mean I'm watching him and he's old, and Cliff Barrows and he's old, and Bev Shea and he's old. While a lot of the things that Dr. Graham has said recently, you all know we've had some issues with, one of the spectacular things is to watch these guys hang together for years and years and years on a mission that God gave them, and they just execute it, and they're riding off into the sunset together. That's pretty cool, right there.
I'm not talking about best friends for life, and it's a little chain and it lasts a week. I'm talking about a relationship that's intimate and real, with two or three other guys, and we're saddling up here to ride off into the sunset.
Consistent Loyalty
Here you go, here's the last point on this, and there's consistent loyalty. As this story begins to unfold, all of a sudden, Jonathan goes to his dad, and said, "Why should David be put to death? What has he done?" Jonathan asks his dad, and Saul takes a spear and throws it against him, and all of a sudden, he understands that he intends to kill David. He goes in there, doing exactly what he said, and there's loyalty there, that's bred, that's deep.
Very important here. It's deeper than a shared chain of DNA. This is why, here you go, this is why you can go over to San Diego, and while you're not going to spend the money to stay at the Del, you're certainly willing to eat lunch there. So you're at the Del, and you're reading a book, and you're eating lunch, and somebody comes up behind you. You look at them, and it's a day where it's about 51 over on the beach, and they got on shorts, so you know they're on vacation. You say to them, "Where are you from?" They say, "I'm from Bemidji." You say, "Bemidji, I've never been to Bemidji, I've never heard of Bemidji," and you start talking. You look, and you say, "Well, there's a book. Is that a Chuck Swindoll book?" "Yeah." "You read a lot of that?" "Well, I've been reading some." "Are you a Christian?" "Yeah." Within about 15 minutes, you are discussing some of the most intimate details of your life with a person who was a total stranger 16 minutes ago.
See, that's the intimacy that you can have with a stranger. Imagine the intimacy you can have with this group of two or three guys, where you share this love for the Lord, and now this purpose of vision, and commitment, and life's journey together. Now there's a loyalty there.
The Impact of Accountability
When this happens, when we have this, and now we've got this accountability in place, you're going to see three things. Number one, your impact increases. Notice two, that these last three verses we use are from the book of Ecclesiastes. Interestingly enough, written by David's son. Perhaps he saw firsthand, or heard from his father, about the importance of relationship, the importance
of friendship. You're going to see your impact increase. Two are better than one. They have a good return for their work. When Jesus sends out the disciples, He doesn't send out 12 guys in 12 directions. He sends them out two by two.
Not only does your impact increase, your security increases. Solomon writes this in Ecclesiastes 4:10: "If one falls down, his friend can help pick him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one there to help him." You're going to have difficulty. You're going to have problems. You're going to have challenges in life. And now there's somebody there with you.
Your Future Will Be Stabilized
Here's the last point in your outline. Your future will be stabilized. "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken."
Now look at this. Very important. What we're talking about here in stabilizing is not stabilizing circumstances, but stabilizing response. You can't stabilize circumstances. Life is like this. You're going to have sickness. You're going to have problems. You're going to have problems with kids, problems with spouses. You're going to have jobs that go south. You're going to have all sorts of difficulties. That is life. We can't stabilize that. The only way to take all those out of there is to die.
What we can stabilize is the way we respond to them. My favorite illustration of this is the Clarence Thomas hearings with Clarence Thomas and Senator Danforth. I watched those hearings, every second of them, and many of you did. Right there was Senator Danforth every step of the way. When it got heated, and it got dirty, and it got ugly, he never flinched.
I'll never forget the night that Judge Thomas was confirmed. They had a split screen, and on one side of the screen was his mom in Pinpoint, Georgia, going, "Praise Jesus, praise Jesus." On the other side was Senator Danforth, and Judge Thomas, and his wife, standing out in the rain, holding an umbrella, talking about how grateful they were for each other and for how they'd been protected and God had guided them in the midst of this. Then they went back into the house.
If you read the book that Senator Danforth wrote that accounts that, he said, "We went back in and had pizza and cigars." That's pretty cool. I was talking to a guy about a month ago who was in that room that night, and he said that's exactly what it was like. In the midst of all circumstances going like this, we know God's in control, we know God's going to work this out, it may not be what we want, we just do what's right because it's right, and let God take care of the results.
The Necessity of Accountability in Leadership
You need accountability in your life. You need these voluntary relationships that are marked by honest transparency, when somebody can say to you, "Listen, I love you, and because I love you, I've got to tell you this," and now you humbly respond to that. When people come with criticism, oftentimes, especially those people who love you and you trust, it's because they do love you and they trust you and they want you to see that.
If you're going to lead, you've got to have it. One of the great problems I read about in presidential biographies is hearing these guys say, "The hardest thing is to get accurate input about what's going on." Nobody will tell the emperor he's naked, nobody will tell him he's got issues. Frankly, you don't have the right to in most instances, but you need that relationship.
I'll tell you what, if you don't have it, the impact's minimized, and more than anything else, that stability of response is going to be absent. You're going to do stupid things that are going to cost you big time, that could be avoided if you had the input and you listened to it.
Prayer for Accountability Relationships
Let's ask God to give us that. Father, we do. We come for that relationship in our life. We pray that You would bring around each person here, two or three people, that we share common values, and we share a common belief and a common faith. We pray that You'd use those people in our life to be an accurate mirror of who we are, that because they love us and care for us, and because we trust them, they can say the hard thing to us, and we listen, and we hear what they have to say.
God, I pray that You'd bring people like that into our lives, and we could have relationships built on our love for You and care for You. As we start thinking about the future, how You'd use us, where You'd place us, Father, put those things in our life. We ask it in Jesus' name. Amen.