Make The Invisible God Visible

How Do I Stay Straight in a Crooked World (2006)

Aug 15

Tom Shrader examines what it means to be salt and light in the world, emphasizing that Christians are called to make the invisible God visible through their lives. He contrasts the fruit of the Spirit with the deeds of the flesh from Galatians 5, arguing that true spiritual works flow from a transformed heart rather than external activities. The message focuses on character transformation as evidence of genuine faith.

“You may be the only Bible that some people ever see.”
— Tom Shrader

Series: How Do I Stay Straight in a Crooked World (2006)

Recorded: 2006 at Cannon Beach Conference Center

Duration: 1 hr 2 min

Themes: witness, character, transformation, salt, light, testimony, integrity, authenticity, young adult, new believer, struggling with worldliness, seeking authenticity, parent, mentor, navigating secular culture, growing in faith

Scripture: Matthew 5:1-16, Galatians 5:16-25, Genesis 37, Genesis 39:2-3, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 5:1

Theological Themes: sanctification, becoming holy, fruit of spirit, spiritual formation, imago dei, image of god, christian living, spiritual maturity

Full Transcript

Introduction: Making the Invisible God Visible

John, thank you very much. Where are you going to be tonight at nine o'clock? I forgot. Right here, John's going to be doing a concert. You're going to want to go pick up your kids and get back over here and enjoy this evening. Really a perfect song by way of introduction to be like Jesus. Our point today is that our responsibility and privilege is to make the invisible God visible.

I don't know if I need to say this, but I will just to make sure it's clear. I'm not employed by Cannon Beach. I don't work here. I'm not on staff here. I'm not a pawn or a mouthpiece for Cannon Beach. They don't tell me what to say and rarely tell me how to say it.

A Word About Estate Planning

But I do want to put a plug in for something that was mentioned today that could easily be overlooked, and that's an estate planning seminar. I've met some wonderful young couples here this week. And I know when you hear estate planning, here's what you think: Those old people better get their act together. But estate planning is not about old people. It's about people.

I have a staff. Somebody the other day asked how big the staff of our church is. I don't have a clue. I don't know, a bunch of people. We have a meeting and every time we have a meeting, it seems like there's more people there. One of the things that I make our people do is any full-time staff employee of ours has to meet every year with their spouse, with our church administrator to go over their personal finances. And the reason is this: I've discovered that when people are young and you don't make much money in a church typically. If you're like a program director at a place like Cannon Beach, you're cleaning up. But if you're just slugging it out at a church, you're not making much dough. But rarely is our problem that we're not making enough money. Most of the time we're just spending too much.

I meet with these young guys and I'm saying, especially, I have two son-in-laws. Since the day that my girls got engaged, I meet once a week with their fiance and then their husband. I meet with my son-in-laws every week. One of the things I say to them is, I don't want these girls back. You got them. They're yours. You're getting them pregnant. You're having kids. That's not my responsibility. I don't want to see them back here. I don't want to be paying for baby food or anything else.

This is your job, man. If you're man enough to get them pregnant, you're man enough to pay for this thing. So let's get all over this. Now, if you're getting in a car wreck, I don't want them back either because I want them to be independent and I want you to take care of that. You young guys, gals, need to understand that it does not take much money to get yourself a nice little life insurance policy. I don't sell life insurance. Take care of your family.

Estate planning is not something for old people. It's for you. And those things change. Maybe now you're at a different stage of life. Now your kids are a little bit older. Maybe that estate needs to change. I would really encourage, at three o'clock is kind of an awkward time and you're going to have sand on you from the castle and all that stuff. But you may want to get in here this afternoon at three o'clock. Important deal.

A Story About Faith, Family, and Friends

John's also, everything seems to be triggering thoughts, but John's talking about being in Toronto and songs and music and Sandy Patty. A few years ago, I did this huge event. I had an incredible experience when I was invited up to the Chateau at Lake Louise. I don't know if you've ever been up there, but really an unbelievable place. This was a guy, and this is a great example of how a person who's not in quote full-time ministry can have an impact. This guy was a Canadian who came down into the States for a marriage conference, went back up to Canada and said, there's nothing like this up here.

So he got this idea to go to a wonderful place and have a marriage conference. It ended up after a few years that he decided it would be the Chateau at Lake Louise. You ever been there? How many of you ever been to the Chateau? It's an unbelievable place. It's just absolutely gorgeous. He got the idea to bring these couples in and to have a weekend, kind of like we're doing here, but compressed down into a Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It got so big that he would have 750 couples one weekend and 750 couples the next.

Well, he invited Susan and me up to do the teaching. And it was just incredible. So I did a message talking about when we get to the end of life, there are only three things that really matter: faith, family, and friends. So I get through this whole thing. I get up the next morning and the guys that were doing the music were really incredible guys. Two guys, Aaron and Stan were their names. And they were just great guys.

I get up the next morning and they say, they get up to do their music, they say, we've been up all night and we've written a new song. And they played it and it's called Faith, Family, and Friends. That year, the number one selling Christian song in Canada generated by Christian artists was Faith, Family, and Friends. The number one album of the year was Faith, Family, and Friends.

Now here's what I'd want to know if I was you. Tom, what did you get out of it? Not one thing. And that burns me up to this day. I didn't get one dime for that thing. These guys would have never figured that out in a million years.

We have a little girl in our church. When I say little, I mean she's about this size. Her husband is about, John's six, seven, you six seven? Her husband's six six. And she's about this tall right here. She was just at Estes Park for the big music festival. And her original piece was voted number one song of the year. It's an amazing artist. And hopefully someday you'll hear of Christy Brazelton as well.

Here we go, grab your outlines. If you are one of what Janet referred to as a drop-in, you can grab this.

Here's what we started, and let me just get us on page quickly. We begin at the beginning, which is to establish the Bible as the final authority in our life. From there flows all of these other things. I develop a passion for learning. I make godly decisions. I live life confidently. You integrate your faith. It's not enough just to say that I'm a Christian. It has to affect the way I live.

Today, this morning, session six. Tonight, session seven. God is so gracious in that both of these fall on the same day. The reason that's important is session six is inseparable from session seven. These sessions absolutely go together. You're going to hear this from me again and again, very repetitively today.

Two Inseparable Responsibilities

Session six, here's our responsibility. Johnny just sang about it: to make the invisible God visible. Session seven: to speak the truth boldly. I cannot separate these two things. I'll make this point again tonight, but I want you to get this. This is very important.

If I'm somebody who is making the invisible God visible, so people are looking at me and they're developing an appetite for the living God - if I'm making the invisible God visible, but I'm not speaking the truth boldly, I'm a coward. If I've got people coming up to me saying there's something different about you, and I don't explain to them it's Jesus who's transformed my life, I'm a coward.

On the other hand, if I'm speaking the truth boldly - you're one of those people that's got a great big credenza Bible in your office and you're talking about Jesus and inviting people to church and Bible studies - if you're speaking the truth boldly, but you have failed to make the invisible God visible, you're not a coward, you're a hypocrite. You cannot separate these two things. They go hand in glove. They are absolutely essential as you begin to live the Christian life.

Our responsibility: we're His hands, we're His feet, we represent Christ in this world. Our responsibility is to make the invisible God visible and at the same time, our privilege is to speak the truth boldly. All of this begins, of course, when we come to Christ in repentance and faith.

The Sermon on the Mount

Open your Bibles, if you would please, to Matthew chapter 5. We're going to two or three different sections of scripture again this morning. We'll start in Matthew chapter 5 and then move to Galatians chapter 5. Matthew chapter 5, again, that ought to trigger some thought for many of you. You begin to think in terms of segments: Matthew chapters 5, 6, and 7 is the Sermon on the Mount.

Matthew chapter 5, verse 1: "When Jesus saw the crowds, He went up to the mountain and after He sat down" - so this is the official place of teaching here. He's about to teach. "Disciples came to Him, He opened His mouth, He began to teach." Then verses 3 through 12, we get the Beatitudes. "Blessed are," and what we have in the Beatitudes is a wonderful picture of the Christian converted life.

Spiritual Bankruptcy

"Blessed are the poor in spirit." What that term means is this: blessed are those who are spiritually bankrupt. When you and I think of a beggar, we may think of walking down the street in Portland and somebody's going, "Hey man, you got any spare change?" I've never responded positively to that because I never in my life have had spare change. I always seem to have a purpose for my change.

We think of beggars that way. In fact, in some areas, you get down into San Francisco and some of these places, those that are begging or asking - it becomes a profession and they're very bold about it. We think of beggars that way. That is not at all the idea that Jesus would have had in mind.

When He spoke of spiritual bankruptcy or someone bankrupt, He didn't think of somebody saying, "Hey man, have you got any change?" He thought of somebody who would be cowering in the corner with a little receptacle in front of them, literally begging, feeling inadequate, totally inadequate and unworthy, spiritually bankrupt. We come before God with no pretense of adequacy at all.

The Path to Joy

Max Lucado writes this: "The first step to joy is a plea for help, an acknowledgement of moral destitution and admission of inward poverty. Those who taste God's presence have declared spiritual bankruptcy and are aware of their spiritual crisis. Their cupboards are bare, their pockets are empty, their options are gone. They have long since stopped demanding justice. They're pleading for mercy. They don't brag, they beg. They ask God to do for them what they can't do without Him. They have seen how holy God is, how sinful they are and have agreed with Jesus' statement: salvation is impossible."

"Oh, the irony of God's delight, born in the parched soul of destitution rather than the fertile ground of achievement. It's a different path, a path we're not accustomed to taking. We don't often declare our impotence. Admission of failure is not usually admission to joy. Complete confession is not commonly followed by total pardon, but then again, God has never governed by what is common."

This begins it. That's where the Christian life begins. The Christian life begins with an acknowledgement that we are absolutely impotent and inadequate when it comes to spiritual things. Religion says do. Biblical Christianity says you can't do. Christ did it for you.

I want to get into that. I'm not a big Christmas guy. I guess it probably doesn't surprise you, but I'm not a big Christmas guy. Every year I resolve, "Okay, this is the year I'm going to get in the Christmas spirit." Last year, I don't think we had any Christmas. Susan was pooped.

Christmas is About Receiving, Not Giving

I'm trying to get into the Christmas spirit each year. I don't think we even put up a tree. I don't think we did anything last year. Christmas just kind of came and went. But every year I resolve, "Okay, I'm going to get in the Christmas spirit." And it takes about a week before I'm going, "Oh my gosh, this is dumb."

We'll always get into these discussions. Sorry, because some of you, I know Christmas is like the biggest thing in your life. And I have a daughter like that. She does the whole house and it's really cool. But we always hear, "Christmas is not about receiving. Christmas is about giving." Well, I know you said that's right, but I would say that's wrong. Uh-oh, yeah, got to be careful on those amens sometimes.

Christmas is all about receiving Christ into the world. It's not about giving. You got nothing to give to Him. Nothing to bring to Him, not looking for anything. It's all about you receiving Him. Now, I understand we give gifts and all that stuff that goes with it. But even that's just kind of picture of what we've done and all that goes with it.

But blessed are the poor in spirit. And then there's a process there. Now we begin to mourn over our sin. There's a gentleness. We hunger and we thirst for righteousness. It's the opposite in this case of the Pharisees who would say, "No, I will find righteousness in and of myself." And I thought, no, they hunger and thirst for righteousness. They're merciful. They're pure in heart.

You Are Salt and Light

Now look at verse 13. "You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It's no longer good for anything except to be thrown on out and trampled underfoot." So basically we see it used in a couple of ways and you know that preservative flavor. The salt that they would find in the Dead Sea was often contaminated with gypsum, which made it essentially ineffective to use in either of those ways. The use they had for it was, they would throw it in the path and it was good for at least killing the weeds. So He said, "Listen, you're supposed to be the salt of the earth. You bring some flavor to the earth. You preserve the world. If you've lost that, what good is it?"

Here you go, verse 14. "You're the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden, nor does anyone take a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light," and here's what we're going to hang today. This becomes our jumping off point. "Let your light shine. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven."

Let your light shine. Your light becomes a testimony of God's saving power.

The Lord Was With Joseph—And It Showed

I'm not going to ask you to turn here, but it's the second time we've made reference to it. It might be cool for you on your own to kind of thumb your way through this. Genesis chapter 37, Joseph sold into slavery. Genesis chapter 39, Joseph has been purchased by and is working for Potiphar, captain of the security guard for Pharaoh, if you will, the head of the Egyptian secret service.

Genesis chapter 39, verse two says, "The Lord was with Joseph," right? We talked about that last night. Genesis chapter 39, verse three says this, and Potiphar, do you know what's next? Potiphar saw the Lord was with Joseph. How about this? The Lord is with you, really? And everybody sees it.

Now, doesn't that tie exactly to what He's saying here? You're the light of the world. Look like it. You've been saved, redeemed. I ought to be able to spot that. It ought to be evident to the people around you. There ought to be something. There ought to be something unique, something different about you.

Making the Invisible God Visible

Now, Jesus says, "Let your light shine, good work shine." We saw the Lord was with Joseph. How do the people see that the Lord is with you?

Somebody has said this. You may be the only Bible that some people ever see. How can you make the invisible God visible? Well, all of a sudden we start talking about good works.

Judge Yourself, Not Others

Now, I'm going to ask you to do something today that instinctively you love to do. I'm going to ask you today to be judgmental. I'm going to let you judge and criticize. Now, we're going to put one little stipulation on it. I want you to judge yourself and be critical of yourself.

Because see, here's what I've learned. We love messages like this. I wish I had a dime for every time somebody came up to me and said, "Oh, I wish Bob was here today. Bob really needed to hear this. Oh, if Bob could have, oh, if Barbara could have been here. Barbara really needed to hear this." Well, since God is sovereign, and Barb and Bob aren't here, but you are, maybe you needed to hear this. Because as long as I'm thinking about Barbara and Bob, I never have to think about me, see? So let's judge you.

The Danger of Works-Based Pride

When we start talking about works, we're saved by grace through faith, right? Ephesians chapter two, verse eight and nine, not a result of anything that we can do. We can't boast. But because we're saved, now there are works.

When we start talking about things like works, we tend to get puffed up, or we tend to get discouraged. "Oh, they're doing this and this and this, and I'm nowhere." Or we start to kind of develop this thing of, "Well, if you're really a Christian, you do this. If you really love your kids..." I have no idea what it's like in the Northwest, so I've got no ax to grind, but I can tell you down our way, there's a little group and a subset of that group that sometimes I think really go to extreme, and they'll say, "If you really love your kids, you homeschool..."

It's amazing. If I do a 45-minute message, and in the first sentence I say, "I came home last night," if the last sentence I said, "I went by school yesterday," people put home and school together in the same message, and I get all this mail.

Here's my position: you do whatever you want. They're your kids. If you think they need to be homeschooled, homeschool them. They need to be public school, public school. Private school, but they're your kids. I don't care. I don't have an ax here.

My problem is when you say, "If you really love your kids, you'd homeschool them." Or if you go on the other end and say, "Listen, they need to be missionaries, so if you do anything but public school..." No. See, when we start doing that kind of stuff, we start talking about works, we begin to distort things. We start to define activities. We begin to take away the uniqueness that God has created in us.

I have two guys that are prominent leaders in my church. One of them is an absolute arrow. Went in the Navy, came out of the Navy, went to the police department, became assistant chief of police. Everything's in line, everything's in place. God saved him, God used him in marvelous ways.

The other guy was in prison for the fourth time for armed robbery, was curled up under his bunk in the cell, and in the midst of that, God reached down and saved him. Both were spiritually bankrupt. We have a tendency to see the one, but let's make sure we get it: It didn't take any more grace to save the one than the other. Both were lost. But we start to come up with all this list of things and pretty soon we become almost like the Pharisees.

Walking in the Spirit vs. Works

So when we talk about works, I'm going to shy away from specific activities. I think you need to spend time in God's word and you need to do all those things and you need to be an ambassador and all that stuff. But to make the invisible God visible, I want to talk more about an attitude than works.

I'm going to invite you to turn to Galatians chapter five. We are going to camp there for the rest of our time together. In Galatians chapter five, verse 16, Paul's in this context about talking about Christian liberty and He's talking about a love that fulfills the law. He's talking about walking in the spirit.

Now, I want to read this and it's a little bit lengthy, but let's read it and we'll come back and we'll pull it apart. "But I say, walk by the spirit and you'll not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the spirit, the spirit against the flesh, for these are in opposition to one another so that you may not do the things that please you. If you are led by the spirit, you're not led by the law."

"Now, the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, and those kind of activities." And then He switches here to kind of relationship issues: "strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, things like these of which I forewarned you, just as I have forewarned you that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."

The Fruit of the Spirit vs. The Flesh

So He's talking about the flesh and the spirit. He said, here's what we rarely use this term, here's the fruit of the flesh. These are the things that the flesh produce.

Verse 22: "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the spirit, let us also walk by the spirit."

Now let me make a couple of observations. In verse 16, He uses the word "walk." In verse 25, He uses the word "walk." He does not mean here the process of putting one step in front of another in a rather antiquated but useful form of transportation. What He means by "walk" is lifestyle or the way we live.

You see the contrast there? He says there's this battle, it's between the flesh and the spirit. There's this way that we find ourselves wired naturally. There's this way that we are now wired supernaturally. He said this: the spirit produces spiritual things. The flesh produces fleshly things and then He lists them.

Looking at Our Lives Through This Lens

So when we talk about works, rather than have you go, "Am I spending time in God's word? Do I do a quiet time? Do I pray?" All those things are really, really important. But let's also look more here at an attitude as well and what's the cause or the motive behind this. Because the flesh will produce the flesh, the spirit produces the spirit.

If I look at my life and I have immorality and impurity and sensuality and idolatry and sorcery and strife and outbursts of anger, if I've got dispute and I've got factions, if I'm in this way where I can't get along with anybody, I'm at odds with everybody. Everywhere I go, I have a problem.

I'm sitting with a guy a couple of weeks ago who's just getting ready to divorce his fourth wife. I'm not a counselor. So I'm not trained in any of those areas. I'm not a counselor, but I tried to just kind of ask some questions. I found that to be really helpful.

So I said, "Well, tell me about these four girls." He said, "Well, I married a tall one and a short one. I married a heavy one. I married a thin one. I've married an American and a non-American. Married a pretty one and a not-so-pretty one. I've married all sorts of different types and styles." I said, "Well, tell me what they were like."

And then he described them. I said, there's only one thing here that I see in common in this whole process, right? What is it? You. You're the only thing I see in common. You tried a tall one and a short one and a thick one and a thin one and a nice one and a mean one and a white one and an Asian. And you've tried everything there is. Tried them all here. The problem is you.

If everybody at work is an idiot and everybody around you is stupid and your neighbors can't get along with you and most of your siblings don't like you, do you see a pattern here when there's just that process in your life? It's just everybody. And I know what you're thinking - the whole world's a jerk. I gotta tell you, man, the whole world's not a jerk. There's some really cool people out there.

But if that's what's all around you, then you gotta stop. Like at least in this guy's case, at the very least, we gotta say, well, you don't have any discernment. But if you got all this stuff around you, you gotta begin to ask yourself the real difficult question. Is it you?

Now, can you have a marriage that doesn't work? Sure. Do those things happen? Absolutely. I got that. Can you have a boss that's just impossible to get along with? You just can't. Sure. You have neighbors that are irritable? I got a lady with a dog right across from me. So yes, you can have a lady like that. But do you see a pattern? That's what he's after. Do you see a pattern?

The Evidence is Clear

Now, look at what he says. Remember what we're doing today? We're being judgmental, judgmental of ourselves. So we're gonna judge our own life. So see if this sounds like you.

Verse 19, the deeds of the flesh are, and you got the word there, right? Evident. They're obvious. They're clear. Can't miss them. Deeds of the flesh are obvious. And then he lists them.

Sexual Immorality - A Heart Problem

Immorality. Greek word pornia, from which we get that English word pornography. Now, this is really important. It speaks to all sorts of illicit relationships. It speaks to sex before marriage, perversion of God's plan. It speaks to adultery, a perversion of God's plan. It speaks to incest, a perversion of God's plan. It speaks to homosexuality, a perversion of God's plan. It speaks to all forms of illicit sex.

Again, I hang in pretty conservative circles and we love to get out and go homosexual, homosexual, homosexual. Is homosexual a perversion of God's plan? Yes, absolutely it is. But don't forget to hear the rest of the sentence. Don't forget to hear the rest of the sentence. So is all this other stuff. It's all a perversion. It's all equally offensive to God.

Immorality. If I've got this immorality thing going on, something's wrong. It's evident of the flesh. When I talk to the kids, we don't talk much in our junior high and high school. We don't talk a lot about dating and a lot about sex and a lot of stuff. We'll get parents that say, you know, you need to do a series on this. Every once in a while, we'll talk about it.

But when I'm talking to a kid, I found my niche, I think. I think I do well with adults, but I do really well with kids kind of out of college trying to figure out life. And that's an interesting time, especially if they've been born and raised in a Christian home, because they're really starting to experience some things there. I mean, it's a very different world. That world out there is very different than when I was out there.

I mean, I've got guys all the time coming to me saying, but my sexual problem here is the gals. The gals are so aggressive. The gals are saying, let's get this on. Let's get going. Now, some of these guys are lying, you know, but nonetheless, you get the sense of what's happening. You know, this has become okay. We say, boy, if you're 16, here toes the line. You know, no premarital, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. But somehow we think if you're 36, it's different. This isn't age dated stuff.

So evidence of the fact, so when I'm talking to some guy, and he'll go, man, I got this problem with sex, and you know, have all sorts, whether it's self abuse or whatever it is. And I'll always say to him, look it, here's the deal. That activity is not the problem. The problem is your heart. The only reason you're doing this stuff is your heart's not right. That's not, we want to attack, and I'm gonna be strong-willed, and you gotta do all this, yeah, yeah, yeah, we gotta get to that. But the problem is your heart. You got a spiritual problem. You don't have a sexual problem, you got a spiritual problem.

The Progressive Nature of Flesh

And that goes through this whole list. See what he does? Here he goes. He goes from immorality to impurity. Impurity has the idea of, it's a medical term referring to an infection. Impurity is like an oozing pus out of a wound. You have impurity in your life, and sensuality, it's an excess, it's a kind of a loss of restraint. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

Idolatry, it's an obvious sin. It's anything that takes the place of God. Sorcery, sorcery has with it the Greek word from which we get the English word pharmacy. Oftentimes it was kind of cult activity that was attached with some mood-altering drug or something like that.

When Hearts Turn Hard - Relational Destruction

So we go through this whole process. We get into sorcery, and then relationships. Enmity, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissension, factions. All of a sudden you have all of this stuff going on. Out of this hard heart comes all of this enmity, and now you're at odds. Now you're always the odd person out. You're always on the edge. There's always controversy around you.

You generate this. You bring it to the party. You come with an agenda. And the agenda always has to do something with you, and there's always a little bit of a superiority complex with you. You're always a little bit better than everybody around you. So all of this activity comes.

Outbursts of anger. I'm sitting one night. I get a call. I'd say it's about 11:30, and there's this gal, and she said, you need to come over to the house. My husband's locked himself in the bedroom. He has a gun.

And I said, okay. So I get over there, and there's police there, and of course I have one question. What's my question? Where's the gun? I don't mind doing this, but I'm not about to get hurt doing this. So the policeman says, we got the guy out. We got the husband and wife, so the cops say, we're gonna go. You're in charge here. And I said, hmm.

So I'm sitting in the room, and she's sitting over on this side of the room. He's sitting over on this side of the room, and I'm saying, all right, just take me through what happened. And she's just talking along, and she's one of these cute little sweet smiling girls. And I will admit, I'm a sucker for the girl. In these disputes, I always tend to side with the gal. I tend to go, aw, he doesn't, aw, you sweet, you. And so she's this cute little thing, and she's just pouring her little heart out, and he does this, and I do this, and this.

All of a sudden, I'm listening to her. All of a sudden, he's over here. He goes nuts. He starts screaming and yelling, and I'm thinking, oh, man, I dozed off or something. What happened? I said, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Sit down, pal. What happened again? Take me through this again. And she starts this, and that, and she's smiling. And she's a smiling soft talker. Those are the toughest.

The Remote Control Dynamic

So she, listen to her. And all of a sudden, he goes nuts. You know what I realized? She had a little remote control over here. She knew exactly what button to push, and he'd go off like a rocket. Is there something wrong with him? Sure, but she's pushing those little buttons to get the reaction she wants. They both got a ton of issues, outbursts of anger.

And this is just my own opinion that flows from vast years of experience. Oftentimes, it's the quiet guys that are the most explosive. Loud guys just tend to stay loud. But these quiet guys will move along, and they're real quiet, and all of a sudden, pow. And then when you talk to them, they'll go, yeah, you know, man, I just, every once in a while, I lose it, and bam, it happens, but it's over really fast. And then that becomes their explanation for it's okay. And I go, yeah, kind of just like what? What do you think, Hiroshima? Real fast, just happens, and then, you know, just go on to the next deal.

Outbursts of anger, see how all of that begins to flow together? And then he says, not just dissensions, not just factions, there's envy. I get to this point where I want what you have. I'm never satisfied.

Understanding the Differences Between Men and Women

Guys are idiots, that's kind of clear. They just don't really get it. They're just a little slow in this process, and so you got to go with them and take some time. Gals, I think, know oftentimes what they're doing, but they kind of plead innocent to that.

Here's what a gal, gentlemen, I'm going to help you with this, we'll net this out. Susan's not here today, so this makes this easier. What women need more than anything else is love. They just need to be loved. Now here's the problem with this. When I say love, I tend to think of sex. When she says love, she thinks of emotion and romance, all that stuff.

So Smalley, I was somewhere where Smalley was one time, and Smalley said that a woman needs 10 to 12 hugs a day. Now, we have a term, at our house, what we call this is non-sexual touching. An oxymoron in my mind, but it seems important to her. So I like, it's funny, you can tell what was said by the amen, if it's an amen, that's one thing, but amen, it was a different thing.

So my tendency is to say, boy, I know what you're like, babe, how you doing this morning? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. Have a good day. Right back at ya. For a woman, the sex part is okay, and many like it a lot, some like it a little. All of them are more than willing, generally, to engage in this process, but it's the culmination of the love that they have for each other. It's the culmination of the love and the romance and all that stuff.

What Men Really Need

And I think most of us have heard so many messages that most guys get this. Let me say something here, we're a little bit off the point, but let me say something here. I think men understand women better than women understand men. Now, I know you want to argue with that, but I will explain to you why. All men have heard for the last 15 years are these messages. If you go to church on Father's Day, here's what you're gonna hear. Guys, you need to lead. Guys, you need to do that. Guys, you need to do this. You go on Mother's Day, and they go, and it's for the media. And they give them a flower. They beat the snot out of the guys on Father's Day, and they give the gals a rose on Mother's Day. That drives me crazy.

Well, ladies, let me tell you what a man needs more than anything else, because I know you're thinking sex, and that answer is not sex, though it's up there really high. What a man needs more than anything else is respect. See, and that fits right into God's plan. Husbands love your wives. Wives submit to your husbands.

Girls, I want to unlock the male mind for you. It doesn't take a lot of work, but I want to unlock the male mind. I want to explain something. You and your husband are in the car. You're going somewhere. You've been there 10 times. He's never been there. You are at a stop sign, and you say, hey, sweetie, why don't you go right here? I think you need to go right here. At this moment, ladies, you have taken his options to three. He can go straight. He can go in reverse. He can go left. He ain't going right. He just isn't gonna happen. He ain't gonna do it. Now, he may go left enough until it's right, but he ain't going right.

Why does he do that? Because he's stubborn. No, he needs your respect. He needs you to respect him. The wonderful thing, On Golden Pond was on the other day. I love that movie, and I love crotchety old Henry Fonda, and he goes out. Do you remember the scene? He goes out to pick berries. Do you remember that?

You ever seen that movie? He goes out to pick the berries, and he gets down the lane, and he becomes disoriented very quickly. He comes back with the bucket and not a berry in it. He's sitting down, and Katherine Hepburn is saying, "What happened?" This guy is saying, "Listen, I can't." In essence, he's saying, "I can't even pick berries. I got down to the old lane. I've been there a million times. I don't even know where I am."

There's a wonderful moment when Katherine Hepburn just puts her head on his head, and she says this: "You're my knight in shining armor, and I love you." You could just see him physically respond—really? That's what they need to hear.

The Destructive Power of Envy

Now, when we're talking about envy, that's what started all this. Ladies, when you're out sitting around with the gals, and you're going, "I'm never going to have anything but this old rag dress. We live in that old house. He's never going to do much but this." I watch women literally, emotionally castrate their husbands in group settings. You're just tearing their guts out.

"Oh, we're never going to have much. We're never going to be this old thing. We're never going to amount to much. Oh, we don't have anything. Oh, we'd love to do that, but that costs so much. That's beyond us." You're just killing this guy. You're just draining the blood out of him, drop by drop by drop. What happens is, you're going to turn him into a passive wimp. He's going to say, "I'm not going to fight anymore."

Envy, and the list goes on, doesn't it? We can just go back. Envy, drunkenness, carousing, things like this that I've forewarned you. I've forewarned you not to practice them.

The Key Word: Practice

This is the key word in verse 21—not to practice them. When he uses the word here, practice, it's in an active present participle. It's the idea of continuing in these. Is he saying that if I'm a follower of Christ, there will never be moments of all this stuff we've lifted? No. Are Christians going to have moments of outbursts? Yeah. Are there going to be immorality? I'm afraid so. Will there be impurity? Yes, there will.

What he's saying is, if this is a continuing, ongoing, unrepentant pattern, then you have no reason biblically to think you're a Christian. Even if you can go back and say, "I was at Cannon Beach in 1945 with Archie and Evelyn McNeil, and I prayed a prayer." Even if you go back and say that happened there, if there's not life change—now get what he's saying. I'm not saying you aren't a Christian. I'm just saying you have no biblical assurance of your Christianity. Not saved by that, but it's the result of that.

Do you get that? Does that make sense to you? I'm not asking you to buy into it right now. I'm just saying, do you understand what I just said? Does that make sense to you? That's really important.

So all of a sudden, if these things are flowing out of me on a continual basis, I'm not walking in the spirit. I'm walking in the flesh. That's all he's saying.

The Fruit of the Spirit

Now here's the contrast. We'll end on an upbeat, positive note. Here's the contrast: "But the fruit of the spirit..." Fruit is an interesting word to me. When I think of a fruit bearing tree, I don't think of a tree that is groaning and straining. Here you go. Here's a bumper sticker for you: fruit happens. Fruit just happens.

We had this tree in the backyard. And I know you'll think I'm prone periodically to hyperbole—this is not hyperbole. This orange tree, decorative orange tree, had thousands of oranges. The branches would literally just droop with oranges. I never once walked by that tree and heard it going, "Ugh!" Just the right conditions, the right tree, the soil, the moisture, and the fruit happened. Very important to get it now.

But the fruit of the spirit—if I'm walking in the spirit, it's a phrase that's been kind of hijacked by a segment of the Christian population to say if I'm walking in the spirit, there's all these manifestations of it. What he's saying is, yes, there's manifestations. Here's the manifestation that I'm led by the spirit: I'm led by the spirit.

How Do I Know I'm Spirit-Led?

How do I know I'm led by the spirit? Well, I'm going to have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Are you spirit-filled, spirit-led? I don't know. You got love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faith, self-control? Yes, then you are. The fruit of the spirit—that thing that happens.

Now, just to contrast, and I get into things like this. To me, it's interesting. Look back at verse 19: "The deeds of the flesh are..." It's a plural. The deeds are. Verse 22: "The fruit of the spirit is," though the apostle then lists nine things.

It seems to me what he's saying is either one of two things. Either the fruit of the spirit is love, and then these other eight things flow out of that, or they're like a bunch of grapes, and the fruit of the spirit is this bunch. They're singular. They come as a package. It's interesting one way or the other. He seems to be saying pretty strongly these things need to be present in your life.

Love: The Linchpin

The first of these, and probably the linchpin of these, and the ones everybody goes back to is love. Again, he uses the word—you know this. He uses a word that's agape. He uses a word that says love is a choice.

I came out to my car the other day, and there was a note stuck on my windshield. I thought, "Oh brother." Here's what the note said, and you've seen it in a bumper sticker: "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty." That's dumb. That is absolutely stupid, I think. Random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty?

I kept it, and here's what I wrote under it. "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty" is a perfect description of life without Christ—random and senseless. I'm just randomly being nice. Why? I don't know. Senseless acts of kindness. Why are you being nice to me? I don't...

Our life is not - the word He uses for love is a choice. I'm going to choose to love. It's going to be a conscious effort. It's not a feeling.

We associate this idea of love with a feeling. There's a song, it was probably when I was a kid. There she was just walking down the street singing, "Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do." What's interesting is it goes a little further and it says, "Before I knew it, she was walking next to me singing. She looked good. She looked fine. And I nearly lost my mind." What in the world is that? Is that a picture of love? I fell in love just like I got the mumps or the chicken pox or the measles. I fell into it. It's this emotion, I get swept away with it.

I understand that there's emotion with love. When I saw Susan, I was absolutely raging with lust. You cannot imagine. We did a summer brochure for summer camp this year. We take about 700, 750 kids, junior high and high school kids to camp. They put together the brochure and in it they put a picture of Susan and me when we were dating. I opened this brochure and I just went, "Oh my gosh, look at her. She is beautiful." She's this little skinny thing with this long hair, big old smile.

Love That Grows Through Commitment

I really do think we were married two or three years before I really fell in this kind of love with her. We've had a great life together. We were walking last night and she said, "Until you were talking last night, I'd forgotten about all the things God's done in our life, just in terms of meeting people." We've had an incredible life together. We've been married 28 years.

The last two years, we've had some serious issues. Not with each other, but just physical issues. It's taken everything she's got to get through this week. She's got no juice left in the tank. Four tough surgeries, she's in the middle of chemo right now. A lot of stuff going on.

I love her more now than I did, but it's an entirely different kind of love. Many of the things that caused me to fall in lust with her aren't part of really the relationship anymore. I'm going to give you some hope here because some of you are in a marriage crisis right now, and you don't even want to tell anybody. Part of that is the feelings are gone.

When Feelings Are Gone

Can you get the feelings back? The answer is absolutely yes. Here's what happened to Susan and me. I saw her. I had feelings. I acted on them. I went up to her and I said, "Hey, would you like to go out with a really cool guy with a great sense of humor?" And she said, "Absolutely. If you meet him, send him over." One day we stood and said forever and ever and ever.

When the feelings are gone, you flip the process. You sit down and say, "Are we going to get divorced? No." Then we've got two options. We're either going to be miserable or we're going to have something special. Which one? You already said this, by the way: better or worse, rich or poor, sickness and health, till death do us part.

There's no one else. Every time I do that ceremony, I say, "Guys, listen to what I'm reading here. There's no loopholes in here." It implies tough times. It implies difficulty. Rich or poor, sickness, health, better or worse. It assumes you're going to have difficulty. I commit to that. Now I begin to act on that.

Acting on Commitment

Gentlemen, you want to be married to a 10? You don't have to hide that. Just go ahead and say yes. If you don't, something's wrong with you. Then all you've got to do - it's a sliding scale. It's a relative value. If you value her as a 10, you're married to a 10.

Let me tell you what often happens when the commitment's there and the actions are there: the feelings come back. They're the engine getting into it. They're the caboose coming out of it.

They used to fantasize about the other person dying. They used to dream about the other person dying and how freeing this would be and how they could get out of this relationship without going through some sort of embarrassment. And she was a Christian. He wasn't. She would say, "I would dream about being the grieving widow and all the time saying, yes, I'm free. Free at last from this jerk."

Here's what happened. God saved them. Saved him. If you saw these two today, they're like little kids. They're so in love. She came to me and she said, "I want out of this thing. What should I do? What should I do with him?" And I said, "Go home and make him dinner and make love to him." I just answered everything because everything seems to get worked out at that point.

But she said, "I knew that's what you were gonna say. I knew that's what you're gonna say." I said, "Look at all the options. You love the guy. Will God? I can't obligate God. I don't know what God will do, but it's not about what God will or won't do. It's about you being obedient. You just get in your role. Husbands love your wives, wives submit to your husbands. Just get in your role. It's about you being obedient. It's not about God making this whole thing work together."

"Are you gonna live happily ever after? I don't know. Maybe you will. Maybe you won't, but you'll be able to stand before God and say, 'You know what? I'm not concerned about the results. I did what you asked me to do.' My part was right." Love is a choice. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.

Love, Joy, and Peace Are Based on Relationship, Not Circumstances

Let me just fast track and couple them. Joy and peace. Both of them are interesting to me in this sense. Both of them have nothing to do with circumstance and everything to do with relationship. My joy is based on spiritual realities. My peace is that peace Jesus said, "I give you peace. My peace I leave you. Not as the world gives."

Romans chapter five verse one, Paul says, "Having been justified by faith, we have peace with God." That's a really interesting phrase. There's one of the great carols that we'll sing here at Christmas will go like this: "God and sinner, reconciled." Now, if you don't know anything about our relationship, and I say to you, "John and I have been reconciled," that's all you know. John and I are reconciled. That's all you get. From that, what do you understand? That there was a preexisting hostility here. That there was something between us.

"God and sinner reconciled" tells us man and God were at war. God declared war on sin. And we have peace. It transcends that. It's not peace as the world gives. Again, peace as the world gives says, "Get this or get that or grab this." Peace isn't the absence of turmoil. Peace is the presence of God.

Remember what we're talking about - the fruit that works in your life. It's love and joy and peace. It's not to say you don't have problems. I hope you don't ever hear me say that. I would never say you don't have problems. You got problems. You got big old honking problems. But here's the deal: however big your problems are, our God is bigger. That's the whole deal. That's what this is all about. That's what I'm talking about when I'm talking about faith.

Living Faith vs. Saving Faith

I'm working on developing a thought in my own mind and how to teach it. I think I'm coming up with a format for it. We talk so much about saving faith that we don't talk about living faith. That is why, to me, the story of Cannon Beach and Archie and Evelyn is such a compelling story because it's about living faith.

You Don't Know What You Have Until You're Tested

Love, joy, peace, patience. Another observation: You don't know if you have love or joy or peace until you're in difficult circumstances. I don't know if I have love for you, really, until you act in a way that's unlovable. Right? If I come home every night and I go, "What's that smell?" "Oh, that's your favorite meal. Do you want to ravish me first and then eat? Or how would you like to do this?" Hey, I can love that. That's a pretty easy deal for me.

But when you come in and go, "I don't smell anything," and you say, "That's exactly right. Right down the street's a restaurant, get down there and get yourself something" - I don't know if I have love until I have somebody who's unlovable. I don't know if I have peace.

Look at it. Love, joy, peace, patience. Now it starts, do you see that? All of it's the same. I don't know if I have patience if I'm driving to work and every light's green. I don't know if I have patience or not.

There is a light - and this will mean nothing to you - but it's a minute and a half, three minutes for me to drive to work. And it could be two, except for this one light every day. Every day, the same light. I can get up, I can be right with the world and right with the Lord. I can be taking my shower, thinking about how great the day's gonna be. And I'm telling you, this is pathetic, but a minute and 30 seconds from my house, that red light can ruin my day. The only thing that's worse is the moron who doesn't turn right on red right in front of me. What are you thinking about?

See, I don't know if I have - you see the list again? Love, joy, peace, patience - I don't know if I have that until I'm in difficult circumstances. I don't know if I have that until you put a little pressure on me. Then the list grows: tenderness, kindness, gentleness, goodness.

The world hates - I had a guy that came up to me a couple of years ago and said, "I hate Debbie Boone." And there's no context for the comment. I go, "Really? You hate Debbie Boone? Do you know Debbie Boone?" "No, never met her." "No? Why would you even waste the energy to hate her?"

I don't get it. I hate Debbie Boone. Why do you hate her? Because she's such a goody goody. That's a lost guy. Lost guys can't stand goodness.

Faithfulness—you know what that means? Trustworthy. If you say you'll be here at seven, you're here at seven. It drives me crazy to have a church event, to have 100 people sign up, and to have 70 of them show up. You're a liar at that point. And if you're not faithful in the "I'll be there" like that, then why would we trust you with anything else?

Gentleness—meekness, strength under control. Jesus on the cross, that's what I think of. Jesus is hanging there. Jesus endures all this, and then all of a sudden they start shouting this at Him: "He saved others, but He can't save Himself." And I always put myself there, and I think if I was hanging there, that would have been the thing that might've pushed me over the edge. I might've just come down right then and gone, "Come here a minute." That would have been about the end of it. That might've been the thing for me.

But the reality is they spoke truth. He saved others, and He can't save Himself and save you. Did He have the power to come off that cross? Sure He did. But it's gentleness.

And here's the last one: self-control.

Being Salt and Light

Here you go—in this world, you're to be salt and you're to be light. You bring preservative, you bring flavor, and you're the light. "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." And those works that we want to focus on are works and attitudes of the heart.

If your life is characterized by immorality, impurity, sorcery, and all those things—envy, drunkenness, carousing, factions, strife—then you're producing the works of the flesh. If you're a follower of Christ, the works of your life should be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.

You be judgmental. You be critical. You look at your own life.