God Owns It All, Part 3
Tom Shrader concludes a three-part series on stewardship by pressing into the question of contentment, arguing that the endless accumulation of possessions is a spiritual problem, not merely a financial one. Drawing from 1 Corinthians 16, Ecclesiastes 5, 1 Timothy 6, and Philippians 3, he walks through the benefits of contentment—including freedom to serve, a sharpened eternal focus, and the ability to give generously. He challenges listeners to define 'enough,' reject the lie that more stuff produces happiness, and make concrete lifestyle changes so that their time, energy, and money can be invested in God's kingdom rather than their own.
“Five minutes after we die, we'll know exactly how we should have lived.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: 1 Corinthians
Recorded: 2002 at East Valley Bible Church
Duration: 1 hr 19 min
Themes: contentment, stewardship, money, giving, possessions, generosity, enough, materialism, struggling with materialism, feeling financially overwhelmed, young adult, new believer, parent, high earner, living paycheck to paycheck, seeking financial freedom
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 16, 1 Timothy 6:6-7, Ecclesiastes 5:10-11, Philippians 3:20, 2 Corinthians 5:20
Theological Themes: biblical stewardship, sanctification, eternal focus, kingdom priorities, tithing, spiritual discipline, Christian giving, becoming holy
Full Transcript
Introduction and Review
What I want to do today is just talk with you. I've had discussions along the lines of what we're going to talk about today — hundreds of them over the last twenty-two years. This is really important material. If you get today right, if you get it figured out — not just convicted by it, because I hear that all the time, and it's not enough to be convicted — if you truly get this today, I guarantee your spiritual life will be transformed. Even though we're talking about material things, your spiritual life will be impacted, because all of this is ultimately a spiritual issue.
Here is what we've covered so far. God owns it all. He has transferred possession to you, but not ownership. The things in your possession — your time, your energy, your effort, your money, all the resources at your disposal — are yours to use, but you don't own them. Consequently, you have a fiduciary relationship with your stuff. You are a manager, a steward, not an owner.
Who Should Give, and How
Here are the questions we answered last week. Who should give? Everybody who is a believer. If God does not have your heart, He doesn't want your money. If you're here today and you didn't take communion, if you're not a Christian, please don't feel compelled on the way out to contribute financially. We're not looking for your finances. If God does not own your heart, He does not want your money and doesn't need it.
The flip side is this: if God owns your heart, if you're His, if you took communion, then you ought to be a giver. Whether you're a kid getting an allowance, someone with a part-time job, or the CEO of a large company, all of you should be givers. That also answers the question of how you should give. What we saw last week is that you should give regularly and systematically — at the beginning of a pay period, not at the end. By that we mean you don't give God what's left when you're done; you start with giving.
You should also give sacrificially. There should be times when giving means you are going to go without something — things you want, not necessarily need — where you set them aside and give instead, whether to meet a need or for whatever purpose the Lord directs.
How Much Should You Give?
How much should you give? That is a very difficult question to answer. I can give you the answer, but it's hard to live with. The answer is simple: you should give as you've been blessed. If you've been blessed with a lot, you should give a lot. If you've been blessed with a little — and this is very important — you should give a lot of a little. You should be a giver.
Are we under the tithe anymore? No. That is an Old Testament structure. The New Testament says give — give as you prosper. Where should you give? I've had a couple of interesting emails this week asking for the biblical case on that. We really only have the illustrations before us and a couple of others, and in every instance, people gave through the church. In 1 Corinthians 16, even when they were giving to meet the need in Jerusalem, Paul says to do it through the church, entrusting it to spiritually reliable men who could steward those resources.
We live in a different time now, with many other ministries and giving options. Are we saying not to give to them? Absolutely not. But we are saying to be very careful. Here is what Susan and I have resolved: virtually all of our giving goes through the church, and what we give outside of that goes only to things that promote the gospel. The one exception is Girl Scout cookies — that's the only thing we purchase that goes somewhere else.
Questions to Ponder
Here are some important questions to sit with. How much of God's money should you keep? Notice that if I ask how much you should give, I might get one kind of answer — but if I ask how much of God's money you should keep, I get a completely different one. Is God pleased with your giving? And let me encourage you to expand that beyond money: is He pleased with the way you give your time, your energy, your effort? Remember, you are a steward of all your resources — time, energy, effort, and money alike.
What is limiting what you give? Why can't you give more time, more energy, more effort, more money? Are you more concerned with storing up treasures on earth or in heaven? My guess would be treasures here on earth — and that's why this world feels so much like home, because we've invested so much in it. If I'm making a hundred dollars and spending ninety or ninety-five of it on things here, that's where my treasure is, that's where my heart is, and so this place becomes home.
The Battle with Materialism
Are you winning the war with materialism? Some of you had interesting comments about complacency in that area, or about not even recognizing that a battle is taking place. But we are in a huge battle. Instinctively we war with materialism, with stuff, with the accumulation of things, and the culture reinforces all of it — glamorizing money and the illusion of what it will produce.
Bill O'Reilly, in his book *The O'Reilly Factor*, includes a fascinating paragraph. He says this: "Here's something that really surprises me. The more stuff I have, the more stuff I want." And so he looked around and saw that everyone else—
The Trap of Accumulation
It was not until I had a few things that I noticed how this works. The material stuff is addicting. As long as I don't have anything, I assume that if I get this stuff I'll be happy. But once I start to accumulate, I see exactly what that observation means — there's no end to it. It's not just to have the right pair of shoes; it's to have enough pairs of shoes. It's not just to have the right house; it's the right house in the right neighborhood, and then it's to move on up with the Jeffersons, because we can't possibly be content where we are.
This comes from personal experience. When I was converted, I was working as a coal banker in the real estate business, and I wrestled — along with many of my co-workers and lots of guys I dealt with — over how much is enough. What house is right? How much house is too big? What car is okay to drive? What clothes are okay to wear? Is it alright to send the kids to private school? Where do we send them? What about a vacation? Here is what I have concluded: for most people — and I include Christians in this — there is an ingredient missing in your life, and that missing ingredient is contentment.
Defining Contentment
Rather than have me speculate about what that means, here is what Webster says. Webster defines contentment as being happy enough with what one has or what one is, not desiring something more or something different. If you take that definition, the opposite of it is epidemic in our world. We are never satisfied with what we have. We are never satisfied with who we are. There is never a sense of satisfaction.
Sheryl Crow has a song called "Soak Up the Sun," and in it she has this phrase: it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got. There it is — that is contentment right there. It's not having everything that you want; you are never going to get there. I don't care who you are, how much you make, how happy you think you are, or how popular you are — you are never going to have everything you want. The secret to contentment is to want what you've got. This is a huge spiritual issue. If you are not content, I guarantee you it will impact your spiritual life.
The Statistics of Discontentment
That is why I am going to encourage you to pursue a philosophy I saw on a bumper sticker a couple of years ago: pursue delayed gratification. It says to take this wanting and this instant satisfaction and put it aside. There was a time — perhaps my dad's generation — when the rule was if I have the cash, I can have it. Now it is: if I have the credit.
Let me give you some statistics. Americans owe more than $300 billion in non-mortgage consumer debt, and $490 billion in credit card debt. Ten percent of those credit cards are in the hands of teenagers. Credit card companies are spending $1 billion a year to market at the top 250 universities in the country, which means that every freshman who arrives at school and goes to their dormitory has three pre-approved credit cards with limits of $3,000 each — $9,000 worth of credit without any requirement, any effort, or any discussion with mom and dad. The average American adult carries $7,000 in credit card balance and spends $1,200 a year in interest on credit cards.
Here is the significance of that $1,200 in interest: if it were invested over 30 years at 8%, that $36,000 total would have grown to $136,000. Personal bankruptcies exceeded 1.2 million last year, and the average personal bankruptcy was for less than $7,000. People did not care about integrity — they simply wanted, as they put it, a fresh start. Now consider the flip side: the savings rate in the United States right now is half of one percent, the lowest since the Depression. For every increase of $1 in household income, spending goes up $1.10.
Pursue delayed gratification. You simply cannot have everything you see, even if cash or credit is available. Just because you see something, and just because you have the ability to get it, does not mean you ought to have it. It is worth waiting.
The Benefits of Contentment
That is what we are going to talk about — contentment. I think very quickly, from just that brief discussion, most of you are already seeing it. Let me give you a list I put together of the benefits of being content. You could add to the list, or take away from it if you wanted.
Here is the first benefit: you possess an essential component of godly success. First Timothy chapter 6, verse 6 says this: godliness plus contentment equals great gain. He goes on in verse 7 to say that we came into the world with nothing and we leave with nothing; therefore, if we have food and covering, with those we should be content. Came in with nothing, leave with nothing.
If you are here and you are a Christian, at least you are implying the desire that you would like to be successful in God's eyes. What does that take? First Timothy 6:6 — godliness plus contentment equals great gain. Put it in the form of an equation: godliness plus contentment equals great gain. That means that although godliness may be more important, contentment is just as essential if I am to experience great gain in God's eyes. It is that point of being satisfied, that point of coming to the realization where I can begin to say enough is enough.
Let me stop for a moment, because this is about more than money, although it certainly includes money. It is every area of your life. It means being content with the spouse God has given you. It means being content with the children God has given you.
The Trap of Expanding Needs
A *20/20* news story ran the other night, and I only caught the lead-in. It was a story about parents who loved one of their children more than the other — and the kids knew it. There was a little girl, she had to be about seven, cute as could be, just looking at the camera. She said, "I know my mom and dad love my sister more than me. I know that they care for her more than me. I just know that's true." They interviewed the mom, and she confirmed it. That might produce a troubled kid when you're done. There is contentment needed in all those areas of life — being content with the kids God has given you, accepting that your child may not be the fastest, the smartest, or the best-looking. But I am going to stay on the money part.
The Freedom That Comes from Contentment
Here is the second benefit of being content: you will be free to serve. I am going to spend the majority of my time on this. The pursuit of stuff — the pursuit and acquisition, and then the maintenance and retaining of stuff — occupies time. You have to get to the point where you say enough is enough, and you have to define it. We have to figure out what it means to say, "I have the necessities of life."
There is a book written a couple of years ago called *The Overspent American*. It contains a lot of statistics, and two of them are particularly striking. The first: "I cannot afford to buy everything I need." Fifty percent of people making $25,000 to $35,000 a year said they cannot buy everything they need. Twenty-seven percent of people making $100,000 or more said the same thing. The second statement, slightly different: "I spend all of my money on the basic necessities of life." Twenty percent of people making $100,000 or more said they are spending all of their money on basic necessities.
Let me help you with that. The necessities are food and covering. What has happened is that the list of what we call necessary things has grown, even as we have more money than ever to pursue things beyond necessity. Consider this statistic. In 1900, 43% of an American family's income was spent on food. By 1998, it was 15%. So we have more disposable income than ever, and yet we cannot make ends meet. Here is why: we have taken the word *need* and expanded it to include cable TV, newspapers, CD players, computers, and garage door openers.
When I was a boy, we had a garage door opener that worked like this — my dad pulled up and said, "Tom, get out and open the garage door, fast." But now a garage door opener is considered a necessity. We see this all the time when families come in to meet with us in financial crisis. We sit down to build a spending plan, a budget, and we begin looking at things that can be cut out. You ought to see how quickly people react. Is cable TV a necessity of life? It is not. Cell phones — we have all these kids and adults with cell phones. Is a cell phone a necessity of life? The problem is that when we pursue and acquire and accumulate those things, our time has to go toward paying for them.
Jim Elliott on the Cumulative Cost of Earthly Things
You may know the name Jim Elliott. You may know his wife, Elisabeth Elliott. Jim was a missionary who was killed on his very first mission trip. When he was just 22 years old, he wrote these words:
"I have been musing lately on the extremely dangerous cumulative effect of earthly things. One might have good reason, for example, to want a wife, and he may have one legitimately. But with a wife comes Peter the Pumpkin Eater's proverbial dilemma — he must find a place to keep her, and most wives will not stay on such terms as Peter proposed. So a wife demands a house. A house in turn requires curtains, rugs, a washing machine, et cetera. A house with these things must soon become a home, and children the intended outcome."
Then comes a phrase this 22-year-old man wrote that is simply outstanding: *the needs multiply as they're met.* We tend to think that once a need is met, it is gone. But they do not disappear — they multiply. His logic continues: a car demands a garage. A garage demands land. Land demands a garden. A garden demands tools. And tools need to be sharpened. He concludes: "I have learned from this that the wisest life is the simplest life — one lived in the fulfillment of only the basic requirements of life: shelter, food, covering, and a bed. And even these can become productive of other needs if one doesn't heed."
What Does a Free Television Really Cost?
Randy Alcorn asks this question: what does a free television cost? Say someone gives you a television for free. Now what? You hook up an antenna or subscribe to a cable service. You buy a new VCR or DVD player. You rent movies. You add surround sound. You buy a recliner so you can watch your programs in comfort. All of this costs money, but it also takes large amounts of time, energy, and attention. The time devoted to the television and its accessories means less time for communicating with family, reading the Word, praying, opening your home, and ministering to the needy. So what is the true cost of a free television?
Acquiring a possession can push us into redefining our priorities. If you buy a boat, you will want to justify the purchase by using the boat, which means frequent weekends away — making you unavailable to attend your daughter's basketball game, teach a Sunday school class, or serve in the nursery. The problem is not the boat. The problem is not the television. The problem is us.
How Accumulation Affects the Body of Christ
The accumulation of stuff has extraordinary spiritual impact. There is nothing wrong with getting any of these things in and of themselves, but Alcorn is dead right: you are going to want to justify the purchase, and most of this activity is going to take place on the weekend. Once it gets to the weekend and you are occupied with this, you do not have time to be serving God.
You may not be in a position of leadership, but I will bet you can answer this question. When we talk to people about working in children's ministries, or adults about helping in student ministries, or we say we need small group leaders or we need help, here is the number one thing we hear back. What would you think it is? "I'm too busy." Too busy doing what? Too busy working to justify and support an artificially high lifestyle.
If this were just about you and two consenting adults doing foolish things, it would not matter to me. But you are affecting the body of Christ. You have been given a gift by God, and you are not using it. Why? Because of the greedy accumulation of stuff.
How Much Is Enough?
You have to answer the question of how much is enough. Somewhere in there you have to answer it, and here is what that means — it means arriving at a definition. I love this illustration. I used to go to Las Vegas a lot when I was a non-Christian. On the way up, I would inevitably hear somebody say, "When I lose $500, I'll stop."
I would frequently see that same person somewhere in a casino, look in front of them, see a couple of stacks of chips, and say, "How are you doing?" They would say, "I'm up a couple of grand." I said, "Wow, what are you going to do?" "Give me the dice — I'm hot." The thing is, they are goal-oriented people and they do have a goal. What is their goal? To lose $500, and they are not going to stop until they do. I watched that over and over again, and the only way they ended up making money is if somehow they could stay hot until the plane left.
Here is what I want you to see, and for me personally this is a terrific illustration. If I had been on the plane and said to that person, "Would you be happy if you won $500?" they would have said, "Are you kidding? I never win. If I won $500, I'd be the happiest guy in the world." Do you see what happened? They had what they thought would make them happy, and what they said would make them happy, but because it was never defined, they just kept going. Because that is what you are going to do. If you never answer this question, you are just going to get stuff, and then more stuff, and then more stuff.
What Solomon Knew About Satisfaction
Solomon wrote about this thousands of years ago. The wisest man who ever lived wrote this in Ecclesiastes 5:10: "Whoever loves money never has money enough. Whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income."
The Orange County Register did a survey a few years ago and asked, "How much money would it take for you to be happy?" Those making $35,000 a year said $50,000. Those making $50,000 said $75,000. Those making $75,000 said $100,000. And it just kept going from there — in other words, I am never going to be satisfied. It is that illusion that stuff is going to make me happy, and it is not going to.
Here is the key. It is verse 11 of Ecclesiastes 5: "As goods increase, so do those who consume them." The more you make, the more you are going to spend. It is just a fact of life. Do you remember that statistic? For every dollar increase in household income, spending goes up $1.10. There is never enough.
I have sat with men making $250,000 or $300,000 a year who say to me, "Tom, I'm barely getting by." I had a man one time tell me his monthly expenses — with no food or anything, just taking care of everything else — came to $7,000 a month. I was with another man recently who has a house payment of $8,000 a month. Somewhere in there, it is not about shelter anymore. I do not know what it is about, but it is not about shelter.
A Sharpened Focus and a Heavenly Citizenship
All of a sudden, when you settle the question of enough, you are free to serve. Your focus is sharpened. Our citizenship is in heaven, Paul says in Philippians 3:20. We are ambassadors for Christ, 2 Corinthians 5:20.
There is a wonderful song out now by MercyMe called "I Can Only Imagine." What the song is talking about is heaven — what is heaven going to be like? I think the more heavenly minded you become, the more earthly good you will be. The more you understand that you are passing through here, the more loosely you are going to hold this stuff.
If I can get into my mind — and we seldom can without some kind of earth-shattering, critical experience — that I am going to die, that I came into the world with nothing and I am going to leave with nothing, that what I am going to leave more than anything else is a legacy, all of a sudden my thinking changes.
The Legacy of Alfred Nobel
Listen to this story. Alfred Nobel dropped the newspaper and put his head in his hands. It was 1888. Nobel was a Swedish chemist who had made his fortune inventing and producing dynamite. His brother Ludwig had died in France, and Alfred's grief was now compounded by his dismay. He had just read an obituary in a French newspaper — not his brother's, but his own. An editor had confused the brothers.
The headline read: "The Merchant of Death is Dead." Alfred Nobel's obituary described him as a man who had gotten rich by helping people kill one another. Shaken by this appraisal of his life, Nobel resolved to use his wealth to change his legacy. When he died eight years later, he left more than nine million dollars to fund awards for people whose work benefited humanity. Those awards became known as the Nobel Prizes.
What a great opportunity.
What Will They Say About You?
What would it be like to open the newspaper and see your own obituary — to read what people said about you? What would they say? What is your legacy? What do you want them to say? And what are you doing to ensure they will say that? When we sit here and you are in that casket, they are not going to talk about the accumulation of stuff. Even your kids will talk about the times — the vacations.
When Susan and Sarah and Hayley and I are sitting together and start talking, we go back to the time Susan got stuck in the electronic doors at the supermarket, and everyone just laughs. I walked into a room the other day and there were t-shirts stacked everywhere — we could open a t-shirt shop. Every time we went away we brought the girls back a t-shirt, and now we have all these t-shirts. See how it creeps in? All of a sudden I realized I am going to leave all of this behind.
The Freedom of Giving
Here is the next thing: you will become a real giver. Once you remove the barrier of materialism, you are free. Randy Alcorn suggests that giving is the antidote to materialism.
Consider these statistics. Giving as a percentage of income is lower now than it was in the heart of the Great Depression. Only three percent of American Christians give ten percent or more. Thirty-seven percent of regular church attendees give absolutely nothing to the church. Christians on average give 2.5 percent of their incomes, and pagans give 2.4 percent.
We say we cannot give, and there are two reasons for that. First, we do not have a mindset for it. Second, we are just as stuck as the pagans are. They live as though this world is all there is — and so do we. We are failing to comprehend that this is a place we are passing through. Your citizenship is not here. Your passport is for heaven, not here. Once you grasp that, you are free to give.
A Platform With Others
You will also have a platform with others — a basis to speak into people's lives. I saw an ad the other day that said "astound your friends," and it was advertising magic tricks. But if you want to truly astound your friends, here is what you do: go into your small group and tell them you are going to downsize your house — not because of debt, not because of financial crisis, but because you want the freedom it will give you. Tell them you are going from 3,000 square feet to 2,200.
I know people who have done exactly that, and they go into their small group — Christians — and are met with, "What are you doing? Are you nuts? Why would you do that?" The reason people react that way is that they cannot imagine choosing freedom over space. But downsizing frees you up.
Questioning the House
I was talking to a guy who is getting ready to get married, probably around June 28th. He had been out looking for a house, and one day we were sitting together and he asked what I thought about him buying one. I told him he could do whatever he wanted, but I asked him to think about why. He was happy where he was. A house was going to take five to ten hours a week to maintain — mowing, painting, cleaning. Why leave the apartment?
He said he thought his future wife wanted a house. I asked if he had asked her. He said no, he just assumed that was what wives wanted. I told him to ask her. Next thing I knew, he came back and said they were going to stay in the apartment. What was really driving it was a quiet sense of pride — the idea that as a provider, he needed to get her a house. That pride comes at a cost.
The Lies We Believe
The next lie comes along when kids enter the picture. We say, "I have three kids, we need four bedrooms." But these kids do not need their own rooms. They will be okay sharing. From birth through college, I roomed with and slept in the same room as my brother. He may be a little screwed up, but I turned out fine. What if you could do it in three bedrooms instead of four? That does not sound like much, but that is one less bedroom to pay tax on, to air condition, to clean, to furnish, and to carry on a thirty-year mortgage.
You are working so hard because the house is large and it is filled with stuff you do not need, and it all comes at a price — spiritually and otherwise. Here is something that sets me off like a rocket: "We need two incomes to live." That is a lie. You need two incomes to live only if you are going to maintain a lifestyle that demands a jet boat and everything else that goes with it. You do not need two incomes to live.
You can impact the next generation — and I mean starting with your own kids. Have you ever had your children come to you and say, "Do you think I'm made of money? Everyone else has this." Here is what they are doing: they are looking at you. You have a PalmPilot, then PalmPilot 2, then PalmPilot 3, a compact disc player —
Providing What Children Truly Need
They learn from you that they need the latest and the greatest and the stuff. You may want to provide for your kids, but here is what they need: they do not need a $150 pair of shoes. They need a mom there to tie them in the morning.
I had a young woman, a really neat gal, who was having her first baby. She planned to go home for a couple of weeks after the birth and then return to work, and she asked me what I thought. I said, "I am going to ask you a question. Please do not answer it now. Go home, think about it, and answer it in a day or so." The question was: does a newborn baby need A, a Jeep; B, a swimming pool; or C, a mother? You are not going to impact those generations if you are not with them.
Seventy percent of mothers who are working with children at home say they wish they were at home with their kids — and that statistic comes from *Working Mothers* magazine. To those women I would say: then get there. What they will frequently tell me is, "My husband makes me work." Guys, shame on you — in a couple of areas.
Number one, if you are putting her out there because you are not providing, then you need to get your spending under control. Number two, you are putting her into a world that is filled with barracudas. One day someone is going to walk up and say, "Boy, do you look beautiful in that dress," and she has not heard that from you in fifteen years. You are putting her in a very vulnerable position, and that is simply unwise.
The Freedom of Living With Less
The next generation can be impacted if they see you live rightly. And you will have more money — I am just telling you, you will have more money than you know what to do with — and you will live a life of joy. There is a happiness here. There is a freedom here.
At the end of the movie *Schindler's List*, there is a heart-wrenching scene in which Oskar Schindler, who bought from the Nazis the lives of many Jews, looks at his car and his gold pin and regrets that he did not give more of his money and possessions to save more lives. Schindler had used his opportunity far better than most, but in the end he longed for a chance to go back and make better choices. Unbelievers have no second chance to relive their lives, this time choosing Christ, but Christians also get no second chance to live life over, this time doing more to help the needy and invest in the kingdom.
We have one brief opportunity — a lifetime — to use our resources to make a difference. Listen to this sentence: five minutes after we die, we will know exactly how we should have lived. But you do not need to wait five minutes after you die. All you have to do is read that Bible in front of you. That is going to tell you how you should live.
We should live regret-free lives. How do we do that? By being obedient to what God says. Life does not consist of possessions, and yet we live as though it does. It is not very hard to figure out. If all of your investment is in this kingdom, then all of your hope is here.
The Church's Giving Problem
In spending patterns, there is virtually no difference between those who say they are Christians and those in the secular world. That is amazing to me. There are a number of striking statistics, but the one that stands out most is this: Christians give 2.5 percent and non-Christians give between 2.4 and 2.6 percent. There is no difference. If ever there should be a giver, it is those of us who have received the greatest gift, which is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.
I do not play this card very often, but I am going to play it right now. As your pastor, as your shepherd, I am telling you — for your own good and for the good of the body — you have got to ask yourself whether enough is enough. You probably do not need all this stuff. That car can go another two years. That house can be ten to twenty percent smaller. You do not need fourteen televisions, one in every room with its own CD player so everyone can be isolated from one another. You do not need that.
What Your Kids Actually Need
Oftentimes, even under the illusion of providing for your kids, all you are doing is teaching them to ratchet up their lifestyle. You are not teaching them what they need more than anything else. Let me tell you what these kids need: they need a mom and a dad who are there.
I was doing a study once when my daughter Haley was small, and I was teaching on parenting. I went to her and asked, "Haley, do you need quality time or quantity time?" She was very young and said, "I don't know." I said, "Do you need me to spend a lot of time with you, or do you need it that when we are together we are really talking?" She said, "I need quality time — and lots of it." That is the answer. Those of you operating under the illusion that you are giving your kids what they need should know this: the one thing they need from you is love.
Sit down as a couple and talk honestly. Guys, she is just as worn out by all of this as you are. Gals, he is just as frustrated. Every time I talk to someone about this, their heads begin to shake, and oftentimes I will watch men whose eyes tear up because they see the tyranny of all this stuff. It took you a while to get into this mess, and it may take a while to get out, but you do not need to live this way. You do not need to live from six in the morning until eight at night, constantly on the run.
Setting the Tone as a Parent
I was talking to someone the other day and they said, "We are so busy." I asked why. They said, "Our kids." I said, "What do you mean?" They said, "They are in swim lessons, and music lessons, and playing Little League, and doing this and that." I said, "Why? Give them one activity. That is it." You are the parent — set the tone. What are you teaching your kids?
The Countercultural Call to Simplicity
One morning I found myself next to a woman in traffic. She was in the front seat, and there was a child in the back in a car seat, clearly on the way to daycare — just passed out asleep. I thought, can you imagine? She's going to hand this child off to daycare. And there's no way daycare is going to be a mom.
There's a great story I read about a woman who was having a baby and was pretty convinced she was simply going to put the child in daycare. I can't remember what city she was in — I want to say it was in Canada, but I'm not positive. What she did was get a job at the best daycare facility in the city. She said, "I worked there one week and resolved there's no way I'd ever put my child in there, because daycare isn't a mom."
This is hard stuff, and it is countercultural. You can't even talk to your friends about this — oftentimes not even your Christian friends. When you start talking about it, people push back. We've reached the point where people think they need a personal trainer. I can't believe how many people have someone come and clean their house. If you need somebody to come and clean your house, you've got too big a house. Get rid of it.
Conviction Is Not Enough
This is hard, but it is simple to understand. Conviction alone is not enough. I don't want to hear conviction — I want to see action. It is not enough to be convicted; you have to do something about it. Because if you don't, you will never fulfill the spiritual potential that God has given you. It simply will not happen.
Closing Prayer
Father, thank You for this message. Thank You for loving us enough and caring enough to teach us this truth. God, help us understand what Solomon wrote — that if we love money, we will never have enough; if we love wealth, we will never be satisfied; and that as our income increases, so will our expenditures.
God, help us see that all this stuff is going to fade away. Help us look around our homes today and understand that in just a little bit of time, all of it is going to be in a landfill somewhere. We are living as though it is eternal, and we are tired and frustrated. We are busy and spiritually dead — why? Because we have no energy left. We are too exhausted building our own kingdom instead of Yours.
God, make us givers, because we are not meant to be holding on. Help us build Your kingdom, not ours. We ask that in Jesus' name, amen.