If We Don't Love Here We Won't Love Anywhere
Tom Shrader draws on John 13:34-35, 1 John 3, and Acts 2 to argue that love is the defining mark of Christian discipleship, visible to the watching world before any program or doctrine can take effect. Prompted by a pastoral visit from a long-serving couple who examined their church against 1 Corinthians 13's description of love, he challenges the congregation to move from theoretical love to practical, courteous care for every person on campus. His central point is that a church cannot hope to reach its city or world for the gospel if it cannot first demonstrate basic warmth and attentiveness to the people already in its midst.
“People walking on this campus should sense with good reason that this is a place that differs from every other environment they've been in all week long.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: God's Definition of Love
Recorded: 2007 at East Valley Bible Church
Duration: 49 min
Themes: love, evangelism, community, discipleship, hospitality, church life, witness, kindness, feeling disconnected at church, new to the congregation, long-time church member, struggling to love others, outreach volunteer, small group leader, new believer, seeking community
Scripture: Matthew 5:16, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Luke 9:53-54, John 13:31-35, John 14:1, John 15:12-17, 1 John 1:1-3, 1 John 3:11-18, Acts 2:37-47
Theological Themes: ecclesiology, fruit of the spirit, sanctification, christian witness, agape love, body of christ, missional living, 1 corinthians 13
Full Transcript
Closing Our Bibles First
This series is titled "God's Plan for Growing in Grace." Now, every Sunday when we come to East Valley Bible Church, you will inevitably hear me say, "Open your Bibles." Here is what I want you to do today: close your Bibles. Close them up. Some of you are very nervous about this, aren't you? This doesn't feel natural. It doesn't feel good.
If I was in Mrs. Gadian's third grade class — which I was, for two years in a row — at this point she would say, "Okay, everybody look up here. Put everything down and just listen real quietly. Put your hands in front of you on your desk." I got a little carried away, but that is what Mrs. Gadian would do. I want to just talk to you for a bit, and then we will get into the Bible in just a minute.
The Foundation: Matthew 5:16
The series we are in flows from Matthew chapter 5, verse 16: "Let your light shine before men in such a good way, in a way that they see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven." When we looked at that, we said there are actually two parts to this — an action and a reaction. He says, let your good works shine so that men will see them, so that the way we live and the way we act and the way we respond should be visible. Our Christian faith should be evident. People should be able to look and say, "There is one of them." The reaction to that is then that they will glorify our Father who is in heaven.
As we talk about evangelism — and that is where we are headed — we are moving toward the second part of that verse. We have talked about the first part, letting your good works shine, though we have not talked exactly about what those good works are. We will spend a few moments on that next week. We said these good works are motivated by an attitude of love. They are all the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. But they really flow from this idea of love.
These two things found in Matthew 5:16 are inseparable. I need to make the invisible God visible, and I need to speak the truth boldly, and the two must be linked together. If I simply make the invisible God visible but do not speak the truth boldly, I am a coward. If I speak the truth boldly but have not made the invisible God visible, I am a hypocrite. That is what we want to unpack, and that is where we will spend our time beginning next week.
Three Weeks on Love
For the last three weeks, love has really been the focus — defining love. I Googled the word "love" and in .11 seconds I got 11,900,000 entries. I said, rather than let the world define love, why don't we see what God says about it? That took us to 1 Corinthians 13. Paul uses fifteen traits to describe love — seven of them positive, eight of them negative.
My intention was to move on to part two of verse 16, but something happened. Last Thursday afternoon, I had a visit from a couple who are part of this church. When they left, I made a determination to take the lesson I had pretty well put together, set it aside, and just talk with you for a bit.
A Visit That Changed the Plan
They said their visit was prompted by examining their own lives in light of 1 Corinthians 13. They said they had taken these last three weeks and done some real serious searching, examining their own lives, taking those traits and asking whether they were present in their lives. Let me give you a profile of these people. They have been at the church seven years. They are heavily engaged — serving in men's ministry, women's ministry, a home group, worship, and frontline ministry.
Then he said, "We love this church." I have had a lot of these meetings in my day, so I braced for the next word: "but." There was no "but." He said, "There is no 'but' to this. I just want to talk to you." He said, "When we came here, you said something I had never heard before. You said, 'If you are a Christian, then you need to act like it.' And we take this stuff very seriously."
He continued: "We examined our own lives against this description in 1 Corinthians 13 and thought we came up short. But then we did something else that you say regularly. You say that what is true for us individually should also be true for us corporately. So we took those fifteen characteristics and asked, 'Does this describe East Valley Bible Church?'"
The Fifteen Traits of Love Revisited
Let me read the list to you again. I will read them in the order Paul writes them, then break them apart into the positive and the negative. Here is what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:4: "Love is patient, love is kind, and it is not jealous. Love does not brag, is not arrogant. Does not act unbecomingly. It does not seek its own" — and we said that is probably the key to this whole section — "it is not provoked. It does not take into account a wrong suffered. It does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with truth." Then Paul ends with four positive statements: "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Even though we have had three weeks in this, let me remind you of the structure. Eight traits are stated negatively and seven are stated positively. The ones stated negatively are these: love is not jealous, it does not brag — and that word is only used ten times in the New Testament — it is not arrogant, it does not act unbecomingly.
Introduction: Never Off Duty
It's not rude. It's not concerned about itself. It's not provoked, irritated, or angry. It doesn't keep score. It doesn't rejoice in righteousness. But here is what love is. It's patient and kind. It rejoices with truth — God's truth, the truth about people.
Paul had different words available to him, and the word he uses for patience here speaks specifically of people, not circumstances. So love is patient with people. Love is kind with people. And then those last four qualities all concern how we deal with people. Love bears all things and believes all things — it tries to believe the best. It hopes for all things; it is optimistic. And it endures all things; it holds fast.
As I was talking with this couple, they said they see on the staff, generally, a warm, caring, and concerned group of people. They see that among volunteers as well. But they noticed something really interesting, because they are also involved in frontline ministry. They said that when they see the same people one week with a badge on and the next week with the badge off, those people act entirely differently. When the badge is on, it is as though they are conscious of their responsibility to be a greeter. But then it is as if they are off duty.
There is never a time when we are off duty. Nor is there a time when you need a badge to be a greeter.
The "Not in Service" Bus
A few weeks ago I was at the airport waiting for a shuttle. I had parked out in the remote area and I was waiting for the bus. The bus comes, I schlep all my stuff down there, and then I see those words scrolling across the top — the worst words you can see. "Not in service." I schlep everything back to the corner. The next bus comes, I schlep back down, and it also says "not in service." I schlep it all back again. The third bus comes, and this time I just walk down — I don't schlep. It says "Roadrunner" across the top, which is the one I'm waiting for. I'm flagging him down and he's yawning and looking the other way.
There is never a time when I ought to look at you, or you at me, and see scrolling across someone's forehead: "not in service." There is never a time when you are off duty.
The Hospital Corridor
The illustration this man used next is the one that really got to me, and the reason it got to me is that I had just experienced the exact same thing two weeks earlier. Haley and I were at the hospital — we're there most weeks, depending on timing — and Susan was getting settled. It was a busy day, so they told us it would be about three hours. Susan said to go get something to eat and relax. So we did.
The hospital has these long corridors, and as we were walking along, staff members with badges would be coming the other way. They would not look at me. It drives me crazy, and the higher the staff, the more likely they are to look away. At one point I saw a surgeon coming toward us in surgical garb, and I said to Haley, "If this guy doesn't say hello to me, I'm going to knock him down and kick him right in the face." So I'm walking along, looking right at him, and he looked every which way but at me. You know the difference between a doctor and God, don't you? God doesn't think He's a doctor. Haley was saying, "Let it go, Tom, it doesn't matter." And it was driving me crazy.
This man told a similar story. He said he was walking along under the canopy in the children's ministry area, and someone coming the other way looked down, looked left, looked anywhere but at him. How can that happen? It is as though that invisible "not in service" sign was scrolling across their forehead.
What's at Stake
I want to make this comment more than once today. I have huge, ambitious goals and vision for us at East Valley Bible Church. I pray that God will use us to revolutionize Gilbert, the surrounding cities, the valley, the state, and maybe the world. But there is no way that is going to happen if we cannot pull it off right here on this campus. There is no way you are going to light it up and storm the gates of Intel for Jesus if you cannot pull it off here on a Sunday morning. If you cannot be nice here, in this environment, I do not know how any of it is ever going to happen.
Now, you may say that has not been your experience, and I am sure not everyone has had that experience. My dad used to say he would love to come to our church because everybody there is smiling and happy all the time — which is a very different experience from the one this man described. But the fact that this man had those experiences, and the stories he told, absolutely captivated me. So I set my prepared lesson aside and decided we needed to have this discussion.
John: From Sons of Thunder to Apostle of Love
Open your Bibles to the Gospel of John, chapter 13. The John who writes this Gospel also wrote those three short letters near the back of your Bible — First, Second, and Third John. When we are first introduced to him in the Gospels, he is introduced as the brother of James. So there are these two men, James and John, and they are called the sons of Zebedee.
In Luke chapter nine, Jesus is teaching, and Luke tells us in verse 53 that the people did not receive Him. Luke 9:54 says, "When His disciples James and John saw this, they said, 'Lord, do you want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?'" That is the John we are talking about. It is James and John who are walking along one day when their mother gets involved and asks Jesus for a favor — that one of them might sit at His left hand and the other at His right. They are called the sons of thunder, and they are filled with vengeance. They would probably have called it righteous indignation. But when you read the Gospels —
The Apostle of Love
When you read the epistles of John, you encounter a very different tone. John identifies himself not by name, but describes himself as the apostle that Jesus loved. My contention is that as a result of Jesus loving him, he becomes the apostle who seems almost consumed with the idea of love. We read it all through his writings.
We will look at just two passages today. The first is John chapter 13, verse 34, where Jesus is speaking: "A new commandment I give you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, so you love one another." Verse 35 continues: "By this, all men will know that you are my disciples" — how? "That you love one another."
The second passage is John chapter 15, where Jesus again speaks: "This is my commandment that you love one another." It is not new that we are told to love, but He says He is giving a new dimension to it. He defines how we are to love: "as I loved you." He then says, "No greater love than this, than one lays down his life for his friends." If you want a sense of what love is, He says, just watch Me. Then He concludes that section in verse 17: "This I command you, that you love one another."
The Context of the New Commandment
John's emphasis here is obviously on the idea of love, but he is quoting from Jesus, so context becomes important. As you look at John 14, 15, 16, and 17, if you have a red-lettered Bible, you will see that virtually every word in those four chapters is in red. Jesus is speaking. He is praying. And the context is that He is about to leave them.
John 14:1 reads, "Do not let your heart be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in Me. In my Father's house are many dwelling places. If it weren't so, I would have told you, and I go to prepare a place for you." Focusing in on verses 34 and 35 of John 13, we see in verse 31 that Jesus says, "Now is the Son of Man glorified. God is glorified in Him." Then He says in verse 33, "Little children, I am with you a little while longer. You will seek Me, and as I said to the Jews, now also to you, where I am going you cannot come."
The whole context is that Jesus is about to say goodbye. This is the night before He is crucified, and He is preparing the disciples for His departure. Up to this point He had said to them, "You are the light of the world," but now He is saying, in His absence, speaking to the disciples: now you are the light of the world.
Sacrificial and Supernatural Love
So here is the new commandment in verse 34. The commandment is that they love one another, but what makes it different is that it will be sacrificial love — "you will love one another as I have loved you." It will be supernatural love: "By this, all men will know that you love one another."
J.C. Ryle, writing about verse 35, puts it this way: "There can be no mistake about these words. Love was to be the grand characteristic, the distinguishing mark of Christ's disciples. Let us note that our Lord does not name gifts or miracles or intellectual attainments, but love, the simplest grace of love, a grace within the reach of the poorest, lowliest believer as the evidence of discipleship. If we have no love, we have no grace, no regeneration, no true Christianity."
So here is what Jesus is saying. He is saying they are going to know that you are His — how? By incredible preaching? No. By energetic, enthusiastic, engaging worship? No. By an incredible children's program? No. Student ministries? No. Women's ministry, men's ministry, community ministry? No. Here is how they are going to know. Are those things important? Of course they are. Do they have their place? Absolutely. Are they important to what we do? No question. But if we do not have love, none of those things matter at all.
Love as Common Courtesy
When we talk about love in this context, we are not talking about laying down one's life for a stranger, or even for someone you hate. What we are talking about, in our context, is common courtesy — the kind of love Paul described: gentleness, graciousness, kindness. The courtesy that would lead you to walk down the hallway and say, "Hey, how are you doing? It's good to see you." This does not take a lot.
We are not asking you to go to Morocco or Africa or Mexico or Tucson. We are not asking for anything extraordinary. We are asking you to be decent. We are asking you to use the very same characteristics you would use if you were working at Nordstrom's — simply to be nice.
Now, I know what you might be thinking: clearly, he is exaggerating. But after the first service, I sat out in the hallway, and you could clearly tell the people coming out from the people going in. I had people who had walked past me for fifteen years suddenly stop to find out if I was okay. It was remarkable to sit there and watch. Haskell Kynard pointed it out — he said you could sit right there and see it plainly. There were the people going out, and there were the people coming in, and he was exactly right. There was a noticeable difference.
I think this just gets inside us. We are busy. There are things going on. There is a lot of activity and we are in a hurry. The chapel is full; a couple of weeks ago you could not even get in. But this is what we are talking about. We are talking about love. We are talking about caring for one another. We are talking about not arriving at 10:30, but getting here at 10:15, looking around the room, noticing the people sitting by themselves, and actually engaging them — actually going up and saying, "Hi, I'm Tom." Don't use that name — use your own. The point is simply to introduce yourself and ask theirs.
Loving the Unloving
You can tell — and people will tell you, and the younger they are, the more willing they are to tell you that they're hurting. You can stand out there and watch people coming on campus who've never been here before, or who are carrying bags. Some of these young moms look like the Grapes of Wrath coming on campus with bags and strollers and stuff. We'll graduate to fixing houses and going on mission trips — we'll graduate to that. But we cannot get any lower rung on the ladder than what we're talking about right now.
When I was talking with a guy the other night, he told me about going to his mother's church when he wasn't a believer. He said that when he walked in the door, there were people all over him trying to let him know that they were happy to see him. Here's what he said, and I wrote it down: "I wasn't a part of that church, but they sure made it clear that they wanted me to be part of that church." That's what we're talking about. Common courtesy.
1 John: Love as the Mark of New Life
Turn to the back of the Bible — 1 John, chapter three. If you're new to this, go all the way to the back, get to Revelation, and then head left a little bit: Jude, then 3 John, 2 John, 1 John, chapter three. We see this same idea again. John becomes, really, an instrument of love.
But let's first walk back to the very first verse of this letter. John talks a lot about the beginning — isn't that how he starts his gospel? "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God." In 1 John 1:1, he begins the letter this way: "What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have looked at and touched with our hands, concerning the Word of life." He's talking about Christ and His claims in the gospel.
"And the life was manifested, and we have seen and testified and proclaimed to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was manifested to us. What we have seen and what we have heard we proclaim to you also, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. These things we write, so that our joy may be made complete."
So what is he writing to us? Chapter three, verse 11: "This is the message which you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another." He's always working in contrast. Verse 13: "Do not be surprised, brethren, that the world hates you." Then he says: "We know that we have passed out of death and into life." What he's talking about here is that we know we've been born again — we know we're a new creature. How do we know we've passed from spiritual death to spiritual life? There's one way, he says: that you love the brethren.
"Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. Whoever has the world's goods and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth."
The Sign of New Life
Ray Stedman writes these words about the love John is describing — the love for the brethren, the love that sees and is moved to action: "Such love is the sign of the new life. It is a love which not only loves those who love you, but which loves those who do not love you. It is a love which does not depend on a reciprocated relationship, but loves anyhow — loving the unloving, loving the unqualified, loving the ungraceful, loving the selfish, loving the difficult. When Christian love is born, a change takes place, and we begin to see people as people — people like ourselves, needing love, having problems, feeling fears and anxieties, and experiencing trouble. We are now able to empathize, to sympathize, to enter in. This, then, is the character of true love, and it is always evidence that a new life has come, a life born of God."
Stedman continues with two more sentences: "From the very moment we receive a new awareness of the requirement of God in human lives — that we should love — the implication is clear that it is not merely a command like the Ten Commandments, but rather the realization from the beginning of the possibility of loving one another. Such possibility originates with conversion."
Here is what Jesus says: they will know that you are His disciples by the fact that you love one another. Here is what John says: the whole world is going to see this, the whole world is going to understand it — but more importantly, you yourself are going to know that you are truly converted. Not because you have your doctrine nailed down, though that is important. Not because you can fill in all the blanks on every test, though that is nice. Not because you can run the category of Christianity on Jeopardy. They are going to know that you are a Christian when you operate in love. It is visible. You can see how this all begins to tie together.
A Hymnal at a Funeral
We were at a funeral on Friday — a wonderful memorial service for Howard Morrison's father. It was a great service. And there was something in the pew in front of me that I hadn't seen for a while: a hymnal. I took it out, and I thought, maybe I'll get an idea — because if you remember...
The Gap Between Talking and Living Love
This is now Friday morning. Thursday afternoon, I decided to start all over. In the back, I looked up certain passages, and they give you a song. I looked up Matthew chapter five, verse 16, and I think it was song 548 in the hymnal. I thought maybe it was something Gary could use, so I opened to it, and it was "This Little Light of Mine." You get the point: if I say I am a Christian, it is visible.
Look at 1 John 3:18 again: "Little children, let us not love with word or tongue, but indeed in truth." He is not saying that we do not love with words. He is not saying we do not love by sharing the gospel. What he is saying is that it is easy to talk about love, easy to talk a good game, easy to get up and proclaim this — but it is a whole different thing to live it.
I called Susan between services. I was only in the chapel today, and I wanted to make sure she got here this morning. She said she got here and is babysitting, taking care of Gracie. I asked what she thought of the message, and she said, "It will be an interesting week to see if you can pull this off at home." I said, "It cuts both ways, Slim." But that is exactly her point — the short, fat guy can get up and deliver the message, but what is it like in his private life?
I want you to not be thinking about great, big, huge things right now. I do not want you to be thinking about moving to India or storming the gates of Intel. I want you to think about just being nice to one another. This is the second time in this lesson I have said it: I have huge desires for God to use us in an incredible way around this globe, but there is no way we are going to infect the world for the gospel of Jesus Christ if we cannot even affect our own campus. If somebody who has been here seven years — almost all of you would know this person — cannot simply get recognized walking across campus, something is wrong.
Love That Is Visible, Not Just Doctrinal
I know it can go both ways. You could say, "Why didn't he say hello?" and I understand that. But I am simply watching. A lady stopped me after the first hour and said she has a friend at work who is really hurting. She brought her to church here, but the friend has landed in a Mormon church. She tried to talk to her about doctrine, and the friend said, "I don't care anything about the doctrine. They love me and they care for me there."
Do we care about doctrine? Absolutely we care about doctrine — a ton. But we need to be as serious about loving one another as we are about doctrine. You cannot separate these two. Is that not what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13, and what Jesus is saying here? The same thing. You can have all the doctrine you want, but it is just a noisy clang and gong.
If I separate making the invisible God visible from speaking the truth boldly, then I have either a coward or a hypocrite. They go together. You cannot separate them. I wrote this down: people walking on this campus should sense with good reason that this is a place that differs from every other environment they have been in all week long. There is something different here — they should see it, they should sense it.
Whether I have a badge that says greeter or not, I should not need a designation or a title to fill the function. People should sense that these are individuals who are kind, gentle, and concerned, and they should walk away saying, "Normal people do not act like that. That is not how people are." If anyone is ever nice to me in the world, it is because they are looking for something from me.
Love in the Ordinary and the Personal
You could get a call from a total stranger who says they saw in the newspaper that you had a baby and wants to talk to you about insurance. Even that person is not concerned about you — that person is concerned about making quota. Now if they know you, that is different. In fact, if they know you, one of the most loving things you can do — especially for a young man, because they do not always get it — is to come alongside him and load him up with life insurance. It is almost immoral to have three or four little kids and no life insurance, especially when you can buy term insurance for very little. I digress.
We cannot separate these two things, and we do not want to. We do not want to separate making the invisible God visible from speaking the truth boldly. What does holding these two together begin to do in a community?
What Love Produces in a Community: Acts 2
Turn to Acts chapter two. Look at Acts chapter two, verse 37. Peter has preached this extraordinary message — we looked at this last week or the week before. "When they heard this, they were pierced to the heart and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, 'What should we do?'" Peter said, "Repent and be baptized." Verse 41: "So then, those who received the words were baptized, and that day there were added about 3,000 souls."
Now what happens? "They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles' teaching, to fellowship, to the breaking of bread, to prayer." They were focused on the functions of the church. In the old church we were in on Dobson, there hung in the front a gray and blue banner that had a graphic —
The Early Church as a Model
Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe, and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. There is a graphic demonstration here of their love. "And all those who had believed were together, they held all things in common. They began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all as anyone had need. Day by day, they continued with one mind."
This church in Acts 2 was seeing needs. Jerusalem had been filled with pilgrims. There were people who were there who had no money, and people in that day generally did not have a great deal. They were liquidating things, holding things in common, meeting one another's needs. They were of one mind, focused, breaking bread from house to house, taking their meals together, filled with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God.
Look what happened as a result. They were having favor with all the people. The people looking on were saying, "That is unlike anything I have ever seen. That is entirely different than anything I have ever been around." It was contrary to the way they would naturally live. They looked at that church and said, "There is no way I would live that way. Those people are actually committed to one another and care for one another."
What the World Should See in Us
That is exactly what ought to be true today. When people walk on this campus, there ought to be a sense that they are dealing with and encountering people who simply are not normal by any rational human standard. When they encounter you at work, at school, or in one of your home groups, they should say, "There is just something so different about these people."
And they would not say, "I cannot put my finger on it." They would say, "I can put my finger on it. They simply act supernaturally. They care for one another. They love one another." The world cannot resist it. So much so that the Lord was adding to their number day by day, those who were being saved.
The church was simply being the church. They were new at this, on fire for the Lord and on fire for loving one another, and the world looked on. That is a picture of what it should be like at every church. But in this discussion, the only church I am concerned about is East Valley Bible Church.
The Individual Examination
This takes a really hard examination on your part individually. We do not need to examine ourselves corporately, because if you examine yourselves individually and begin to live like that, by definition we are now living like that collectively.
I was all done with this lesson this morning, on my way out, when I opened my email. Here is a message I received at 7:34 this morning. It is heavily edited, but you will get the gist. "I've been going to and involved with EVBC for the past five years. Unfortunately, I no longer feel that this is the church for me. Now in saying that, I really need for myself to figure out what makes me feel this way."
She lists several things. The teaching: wonderful — and I just thought I would throw that in so you did not take it as the problem. It is important for you to hear that. Worship: wonderful, exciting. "But for me, something is missing and I never really felt like I belonged, as hard as I tried."
Two things stand out immediately in reading this email. There is a great deal of "I," and a great deal of expectation. There is a lot of "me" and "what about me." And then she herself acknowledges that. Then she writes this: "I hate to be so immature, but I'm really trying to dissect what's the problem." Listen to this sentence: "I think I was looking for a family, but instead I found a school that would teach me."
Looking for a Family
We are all broken, hurting people, looking to fit, looking to belong, looking to be made whole. The first time I ever heard the word "Mormon" was around four o'clock in the morning. I had been up all night with the man I had moved down here with. We were sitting in his pool in his backyard, and he said to me, "I'm not a religious man, but if I ever get religion, I'm going to be a Mormon." I said, "What's a Mormon?" And here was his answer: "I really don't know what they believe, but every Monday night they hang out as a family."
It was so attractive to him. That is what people ought to be saying about you. "I don't even know what East Valley Bible Church believes, but there is something about the way they handle themselves in business, in the marketplace, with their families, with one another."
A Pastor's Response
It was about 7:40 and I needed to get over here, so I fired a reply back. I wrote: "I just opened your note. I'm on the way to the chapel for this morning's service, so my time is limited. Sorry about that. I sense your hurt and your pain that you expressed in your letter. I also appreciate the honest acknowledgement that there's something wrong on your end. Recommending a church to you is difficult. There aren't many that would share our doctrine. I think the answer is to hang in here, to aggressively pursue the people here." I then made some suggestions, and I wrote: "Let God pull you out of yourself through the gift of serving."
Between services I went back to my office — I never go to my office between services, but I did this time — and there was her reply to my reply: "I'm surprised and humbled by your quick response."
A Story of Honest Struggle
"I do enjoy serving and will be praying for an open heart and a mind of servitude — true servitude with no expectations from those around me. I feel lost right now, and you are correct in acknowledging my pain. I must admit it, if only to myself, that the answer does not lie in not going to EVBC, for after going to another church for some time, I realized that I was not being fed, was not being challenged, and only felt warm fuzzies. But being a Christian is more than that, and I know in my heart that that church could not become my home. I will hang in there. However, I'm not sure I'll be able to aggressively approach anyone right now. That will take some time and working on myself in the truth — His truth — about me dying to myself."
That is a wonderful story of how God works. That is the ebb and flow of one person's life. That might be your story right there in that email.
The Challenge Before Us
Here is how we close this. We close it by challenging you, and as I challenge you, I challenge myself, and I challenge all of us collectively. After people have an encounter with you — when they walk away — do they have a sense that they have just met somebody who is different from all the other people they will meet during their day?
Do you really understand how little it takes to impact those in your world? It just does not take much. It is a smile, a hello, a door that you hold open. It is being available, it is caring. It is being sensitive enough to see that somebody is hurting, or that they are on campus and they are confused — they do not know where they are going or what is going on.
I saw someone this morning and said, "How are you doing?" They said, "Meh." I said, "Your eyes are all red — are you okay?" And immediately: "I've had a tough week." You do not have to be trained for this. All you have to be is human. All you have to do is know how you hurt and feel your own pain, and you will begin to see it in the people around you. Then you come alongside and you love and you care. It does not take much.
Becoming His Hands and Feet
When you do that, you become Jesus' hands and feet. You have somebody who is ready to hear the gospel, and God may or may not work in their life. But even if I never get to sharing the gospel — even if the relationship never gets there — at least I can come alongside and relieve their pain, if only for a moment.
And that is assuming the person is an unbeliever. That person may be a believer who is hurting. As you come into contact with people in the course of a day, remember: it is always somebody's first time here. Somebody in this room is here for the first time. And if you are not reaching out to them, it is not going to happen.
You also have believers around you — brothers and sisters with whom you will spend eternity — who are hurting. Or maybe they are doing great and simply need to hear a hello from you. It is amazing how often people will come and hang around a church for a period of time, and then God does something special. Oftentimes it happens through crisis and pain and hurt, and you get to be there as the one God uses.
Deep Relationship Begins Small
As I said at the beginning, we are not talking about some huge thing. We are talking about being nice and kind — and not in some superficial way. Every deep conversation begins with, "How are you doing?" I am not going to lay my life bare to you if I do not even know you. There should be something so different about this place that people are saying, "What is going on in there?"
Closing Prayer
Father, do this ongoing work in our lives. Speak to those of us who have called Your Son Lord and Savior and Master. Help us understand that if we truly are converted, it will become evident. There will be a change in this place, and people who walk on this campus looking for a family will find one — not just a training center in terms of intellectual exercise, but a training center committed to loving in word and deed.
God, we immediately start thinking of great, grand things when we talk about love and demonstrating love. But this is the smallest of things. This is common courtesy. This is reaching out to people who are hurting. This is being able to spot somebody who is hurting and then saying, "Now I am going to get involved." God, make us willing to get involved in this messy, sloppy business of life.
We are sinners before You, but You have, through Your Son Jesus, redeemed us and called us not sinners but saints. God, let us act that way. We pray this to You in Jesus' name, amen.