Friendship That Transforms

Tom Shrader walks through 1 Samuel 13–15, tracing Saul's repeated disobedience and the contrast with Jonathan's courageous, God-trusting faith. Using Jonathan's armor bearer as a model, Shrader calls every believer both to seek and to become an encourager who says, 'Go ahead, I'm with you all the way.' He connects this theme to the deeper truth that God's perfect, unconditional love—fully knowing us yet accepting us—is the only foundation from which lasting obedience and transforming friendship can flow.

“Obedience will not last if you are not in love with the Savior. You're going to poop out.”

— Tom Shrader

Series: Samuel

Recorded: 2009 at East Valley Bible Church

Duration: 51 min

Themes: friendship, encouragement, obedience, courage, trust, unconditional love, faithfulness, disobedience, feeling unworthy, struggling with obedience, lonely and needing support, mentor, new believer, young adult, navigating failure, seeking accountability partner

Scripture: 1 Samuel 13:1, 1 Samuel 13:6, 1 Samuel 13:13, 1 Samuel 14:1, 1 Samuel 14:6, 1 Samuel 14:24, 1 Samuel 14:36-37, 1 Samuel 14:43-45, 1 Samuel 15:1-3, 1 Samuel 15:7-9, 1 Samuel 15:11, 1 Samuel 15:13-14, 1 Samuel 15:22, 1 Samuel 15:24, Genesis 2:25, Genesis 3:7-8, James 3:3-8

Theological Themes: sanctification, covenant faithfulness, unconditional acceptance, sovereignty of God, biblical obedience, typology, grace, transforming friendship

Full Transcript

Setting the Stage in 1 Samuel

Open your Bibles to 1 Samuel. If you don't have a Bible, raise your hand and the guys will give you a copy of the Old and New Testament. If you get one of those Bibles, turn to page 210. That is 1 Samuel, chapter 13, verse 1.

When we look at the Old Testament, there are three things we want to do constantly. Number one, we want to understand the story — what is the story, what are the characters doing? Number two, always remember that the main character in every story we see is God: His sovereignty, His power, His love, the way He works and intervenes in people's lives. And the third thing we want to do, as often as possible, is to insert ourselves into the story — to take the principles we see in these Old Testament characters and understand that they transcend the Old and New Testaments and move into our lives as well. We are going to do a lot of that today.

Saul's Rise and Fall

1 Samuel, chapter 13, verse 1: Saul was 30 years old when he began to reign, and he reigned for 40 years. We mentioned last week that Saul started off really strong. When he was initially informed that he would be king, there was a humble, endearing response — "Why me? I'm the least of these, a small tribe; I'm really not sure I'm worthy of this honor." He then had some military victories, and his approval ratings in the land were very high very quickly.

But he comes crashing down. All of that goodwill, all of that confidence that had been placed in him is gone in one instance. Samuel's conclusion is found in chapter 13, verse 13: "You have acted foolishly, you have not kept the commandments of the Lord your God, which He commanded you, for now the Lord would have established your kingdom over Israel forever, but your kingdom shall not endure. The Lord has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart, and the Lord has appointed Him as ruler over the people. Why? Because you have not kept the commandments of the Lord."

Saul has blown it big time, and there are two consequences. The first is that he will reign for 40 years, but his kingdom is then done — none of his bloodline after that. The bigger issue is that he has lost favor with God. God is no longer leading him, though God is still speaking to him.

A Pattern of Rebellion

It is amazing that even after this, Samuel is still speaking God's words to Saul. God comes yet another time with an assignment for him, and he blows it again. He decides to follow his own instinct — to love what God has said is bad and to hate what God says is good — and to choose his own path, yet again. We will see him cry out to God for inspiration and guidance, and then there is that terrifying line: "But God did not answer him."

God has removed His guidance from Saul, and the reason is this: Saul is in direct rebellion against God and against His sovereign authority. God gave him things to do, and he went exactly the opposite way. The man who started out with such great promise — who began with a genuine sense of humility — becomes self-serving, self-promoting, and selfish, pursuing the things he wants. He is more afraid of the people than he is of God.

God said, in effect, "That is not the king I want," and He went to find His own. And at this very moment, He is preparing David for that role.

Jonathan Steps Forward

We begin in chapter 13 seeing Jonathan go out with a thousand men and win a triumph. In verse 3, "Jonathan smote a garrison of the Philistines," and then Saul blew the trumpet — Saul took the credit. "All Israel heard the news that Saul had smitten the garrison." Here, immediately, we see him literally blowing his own horn.

But the enemies mount. In verse 6 of chapter 13, the men of Israel are demoralized, the soldiers have deserted, and the country is in disarray. Samuel had given Saul specific things to do, and he decided not to do them. Saul said, "I waited, but the pressure of the moment got so great I couldn't wait any longer." That is when Samuel told him that God would remove His hand from him — that he had done a foolish and silly thing.

By the end of chapter 13, the nation is in serious trouble. There are no armaments; the only men with swords are Jonathan and Saul, and the enemy is all around them.

Two Men, Two Different Spirits

Chapter 14 brings a different day. We see Saul almost paralyzed, and we see Jonathan moving with faith and courage. Chapter 14, verse 1: "Now the day came that Jonathan, the son of Saul, said to the young man who was carrying his armor, 'Come, let us cross over to the Philistines' garrison that is on the other side.'" And he did not tell his father.

That is interesting. We can only speculate as to why. Perhaps he did not think it was important. Perhaps he thought his father would stop him, and the old adage applies — it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission. Something is at play, but for whatever reason, he does not tell him. Saul is sitting on the outskirts of town, staying there, affixed to that point for now.

You see the boldness and courage of Jonathan. You see the lack of faith, the fear, in Saul. And Saul is in the company of a man named Ahia, mentioned in verse 3 — a man from the rejected priestly line. So you have a rejected king and a rejected priest, and these two rejects are literally hanging out together.

Jonathan's Bold Move

Jonathan said to the young man who was carrying his armor, "Come, let us cross over to the garrison of the uncircumcised; perhaps the Lord will work for us, for the Lord is not restrained to save by many or few." We pick up in verse 6, right where we left off last week. We see a tremendous amount of faith exhibited on Jonathan's part. He says to this armor bearer — just the two of them — "Come on, we're going to go over to where the Philistines are, the enemy."

Then there is a key word: *perhaps*. Perhaps the Lord will work, for He is not restrained to save by many or by few. Here is what Jonathan is saying: God is not restricted to save us in a way that requires a whole army. He doesn't need many. He doesn't need a lot of resources to accomplish His purpose.

It would make sense that Saul, with his army at his beck and call, could draft them back in, energize them, and mount an attack. It would make sense that it would take more than just the two of them. But God is not limited by number. God's economy, God's value system, is entirely different than ours. If we were planning an attack, we would do it one way — but God might have us march around a city seven times, blow a horn, and win a battle without ever firing a shot.

The Faith in "Perhaps"

The word I yellowed and underlined in my Bible is that word *perhaps*. I don't think Jonathan is displaying some sort of lack of faith in that moment. I think he is saying exactly what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said as they were going into the fire. Nebuchadnezzar said to them, "What kind of God is going to save you?" And they answered: our God is able to save us — but even if He doesn't, that doesn't diminish Him. Their God is a God who can save, and even if He doesn't, it is not a reflection on Him.

One author writes this: "How refreshing to hear Jonathan's *perhaps*. Perhaps Yahweh will act for us. Many in our own day think otherwise. They think that to say *perhaps* cuts the nerve of faith, that faith always must be certain, dogmatic, absolutely positive. Faith, however, must not be confused with arrogance. Jonathan's *perhaps* is part of his faith. He both confesses the power of Yahweh and retains the freedom of Yahweh."

He confesses God's power to take care of the situation, but also God's freedom to do as He pleases. Faith does not dictate to God as if the Lord of hosts is an errand boy. Faith recognizes its degree of ignorance and knows that it has not read a transcript of divine decrees for most situations. All this, however, does not cancel but enhances its excitement. Who knows what the all-powerful God might delight in doing against these uncircumcised Philistines?

Allowing God to Be God

That is a huge point — to reach the place that allows God to be God, to be sovereign. That was part of the very problem Saul had as he was rebelling against God's sovereignty. And we have these discussions all the time in our own lives.

If you watch what is called Christian television, on almost any night you will see something that talks about unleashing your faith. The implication is that if you believe enough, it somehow obligates God to perform. What Jonathan is saying is different: I believe God can do whatever God wants to do. He is an all-knowing, all-powerful, loving, and caring God. I believe He could give us victory over these Philistines. But even if He doesn't, all that means is that I don't fully understand what God has in store.

To me, that is freeing. It is acknowledging exactly what the author describes — the power of God and the freedom of God. So when you pray for someone who is sick, it makes absolute sense — in fact, scripture would indicate you need to do it. Pray for that person. The prayer of a righteous man accomplishes much. But at the same time, we all know people for whom others truly believed, who truly had faith themselves, and who were not healed. Did God miss it? Did they miss it?

Scripture teaches this tension, and it seems to me it is not that difficult to understand. God can do whatever He wants to do. We simply are not privileged to understand what it is He wants to do, and we tend to assume that what is best is what we ourselves would do.

Living in the Tension

The week before we were all together at Mesa Amphitheater, before all four services — at 8:30, 10:30, 4:00, and 6:00 — someone came up to me and said, "I lost my job this week." I love that, because that is right where we live, isn't it? Is God able to get you a job tomorrow? Absolutely. Is God able to sell that house tomorrow? Absolutely. Is God able to heal that cancer? Absolutely. Will He? I don't know. Maybe He will. Maybe He won't.

We need to pray earnestly and believe that He can, but I do not believe He must. He is absolutely able to, but He is not obligated to. And when He doesn't, I move into the mode that says He has a better plan, a different plan, something else He wants to accomplish. Maybe what He is going to accomplish in the midst of a sickness that never gets better is that people will come and minister to that person and witness the reality of someone who truly understands who Christ is — someone who rests in the security of eternal life. That speaks volumes to the people around you.

Do I believe He can? Absolutely. Do I believe He must? I do not.

The Nature of Faith and God's Will

He must do the things He promises. He will never leave you or forsake you. If I come to Christ in repentance and faith, His character obligates Him to forgive our sins if we confess them. But when it comes to the issues of life, I don't think it's possible for many of them to know the will of God. His will, in the broadest sense, is that He is glorified and we are sanctified, but in that specific instance — that sick person, that deal, that house sale — I can't really know.

So this is not a prayer on Jonathan's part that lacks faith. It is filled with faith. Let me say it again: it is faith enough to believe God can give His victory, but not faith that says He must. Even if He doesn't, God is glorified.

The Armor Bearer: A New Hero

In verse 7 of 1 Samuel chapter 14, we meet a man who has become, for me, one of my new heroes — the armor bearer. Make sure we understand the context here. Jonathan has said, "Listen, let's go. Let's go get him. Maybe God will do it, maybe He won't. Who knows? I hope He does. Certainly He can. I don't know if He must." And the armor bearer said, "Do all that is in your heart, turn yourself, and here I am with you according to your desires."

Let me read you a paraphrase from Eugene Peterson's The Message. The armor bearer said, "Go ahead, do what you think is best. I'm with you all the way."

Everyone needs an armor bearer, and everyone needs to be an armor bearer in somebody's life. This is huge. I could see myself as his armor bearer at this moment thinking, "Jonathan, that's all fine and dandy, but there are a whole bunch of them, and I'm not much of a fighter. Let's regroup. Let's pray about it. Let's do something other than attack." Couldn't you see yourself doing that?

Accountability Versus True Support

This raises all sorts of questions about whether we need people to speak into our lives. There are people who want to hold others accountable, and I have to say I'm not too enthusiastic about that whole accountability approach, because more often than not it becomes a license to jump into somebody's life and give them grief they don't need. More often than not, what people mean is, "I'm going to hold you to my standard for your life," rather than your standard or even God's standard for your life.

I'm not looking for a crowd of people to hold me accountable — not because I don't need it. I'm looking for people who will tell the truth. But what I really want is the heart of the armor bearer.

Put yourself in Jonathan's sandals for a moment. If he hears, "Go ahead, do what you think is best. I'm with you all the way," imagine that — versus hearing, "I'm not really sure. I'll give it my best. I'll hang in as long as I can. I don't know, can you really count on me?" You know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that.

The Destruction of the Tongue

I'm probably especially sensitive to this because I have likely destroyed more things and more people with my tongue than most living humans, and I regret that deeply. I'm not always wise, but I do have a fairly quick mind, and I am more "ready, fire, aim" sometimes than I would like to be. I believe I have a good sense of discernment, but I also have a gift of criticism, and it can be an ugly combination. Over the years I really think I have done incredible destruction in people's lives with my mouth, and I regret it, and I am sorry for it, and I work hard at it.

There is a wonderful passage back in the New Testament, in the book of James, that is the longest contiguous passage in Scripture dealing with the tongue. James' point is straightforward: the tongue is a very small thing, but it is very destructive. It has the potential to do good, and it has the potential to destroy.

James on the Power of the Tongue

He says in James chapter 3, verse 3: "If we put bits into the horse's mouth so that they will obey us, we direct the entire body as well." And he says, "Look at the ship also. Though they are great and are driven by small winds, are they not directed by a very small rudder, wherever the inclination of the pilot desires? So also, the tongue is a small part of our body, yet it boasts great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire. The tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquities. The tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body and sets on fire the course of our lives and is set on fire by hell. Every species of beast and birds and reptiles and creatures of the sea is tamed or has been tamed by the human race, but no one can tame the tongue."

James gives three illustrations — the horse, the ship, and the fire. Consider the horse. There is a reality show on the Discovery Channel called Jockeys, and even if you don't care about horse racing, you get pulled in completely. You see these small men and women — they are small, weighing around 105 pounds — climbing onto horses that weigh a ton or more. And how do you control an animal that size? You make the horse go left, go right, stop, and change direction — all because you have control of the bit in its mouth. James uses that same picture to describe the tongue.

Then he does the same thing with a boat. There is a program on the Discovery Channel about an aircraft carrier, and they show the captain with a steering wheel, directing an enormous vessel just by moving the rudder. And then James notes that every beast and reptile has been tamed by the human race — but no one can tame the tongue.

The Power of the Tongue

They had a show on the Discovery Channel where a man was training spiders for movies. He had trained them to respond to certain directions, to stop at a particular noise he would make, or a bell he would ring. That brought to mind this passage: nobody has tamed the tongue. We control the tongue through the power of the Holy Spirit, but on our own we cannot control it. Just like fire, a little flame can set thousands of acres into destruction in northern Arizona, or that same little flame can warm a house. As the passage goes on to say, the power of life and death resides in the tongue.

I think because I have so often been quick and critical with my tongue—and have been on the receiving end of it—I may be especially sensitive to this. But I know this: there is a power of encouragement in the tongue that every person desperately needs.

The Deep Human Need for Affirmation

I was talking to a group of guys not long ago—successful businessmen—and I was struck by the fact that underneath it all, they were just little boys, really afraid, really fearful. They were saying and doing verbose, foolish things, all under the impulse of needing someone else's approval.

When I look at my own life, Susan was the very first person I am aware of who gave me a sense—not simply that I mattered—but that possibly, perhaps, there was something in me of value. That is really significant to me. We talk about our first date here sometimes, and the detail people often miss in that story is that when she finally said, "You're it," she looked back and said, "I don't know—there was something I saw there."

Then moving into business life, there was a man named Jim Wentworth. And as it related to development, the church, and just living, Dave Newquist and Jerry Smith played key roles. And then, by far the most significant in that season, was Larry, who kept saying, "No, there is some value there."

Being an Armor Bearer

I am not talking about simply blowing smoke at somebody. I am talking about something much deeper—you need an armor bearer. You need someone to say to you, "Go ahead, do what you think is best; I am with you all the way." And since you understand how deeply you need that, even if you do not have it right now, you can be that in somebody else's life.

There is great power in those relationships. They have the power to transform. It gets complicated because of sin, but the power of affirmation, the power of encouragement, the power of a true friend—these are real and significant. Ideally, if you are married, it is wonderful if your spouse can be that for you, though I am realistic enough to understand that does not always happen. But you need it desperately. And if you find yourself saying, "I do not have that," then the best way to arrive at it is to begin to be that in other people's lives.

Not long ago I read an email I received from Sarah, a 29-year-old mother of two and a wife, who wrote to say, "Thank you for being my cheerleader. Thank you for being my corner." In the context of what we are talking about today, she was saying: thank you for being my armor bearer.

That prompted a subtle shift in my thinking over the last four or five months. I never had a strong desire to be an author or write a book, though we took some runs at it. But I came to this realization: rather than write a book, I want to see how many acknowledgment pages I can appear on. I want to see how many people I can encourage in their endeavors. That completely changed things—there is great freedom in it, and it totally changes the way you see and interact with people.

Jonathan and the Armor Bearer

Returning to the text, Jonathan throws out a fleece and says, "We will go up, and if they say, 'Come up to us,' we will go—that will be the sign that God has given them into our hands." They do say come up, Jonathan goes, and in verses 13, 14, and 15 of chapter 14, Jonathan and his armor bearer come up and slaughter about twenty men. Fear spreads across the whole land as a result.

A serious mistake is then made, and in the first service I went into that in some depth. I want to return to it, but for now I want to stay focused on the armor bearer. In verse 24 of chapter 14, we read that the men of Israel were hard-pressed that day—exhausted. It is the same word used back in chapter 13, verse 6, when the men of Israel saw that the Philistines were all around them.

I have utterly destroyed the Amalekites. But the people took some of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the choicest of the things devoted to destruction, to sacrifice to the Lord your God at Gilgal. And Samuel said, has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of divination, and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has also rejected you from being king.

Saul's Disobedience and Its Consequences

The pressure in this passage is coming not from the enemy, but from the king himself, because Saul does something really stupid. In verse 24, he declares, "Cursed be the man who eats food before evening, until I have avenged myself on my enemies." He forbids anyone from eating until the battle is won. It happens that Jonathan is not around at this point and did not hear the command. He was ignorant of it.

The curse goes out, the battle takes place, and there begins to be a level of success and victory. Saul decides he is going to pray and says in verse 36, "Let us go down after the Philistines by night and take the spoil among them until morning light. Let us not leave a man of them." The priest responds, "Let us draw near to God." Then comes verse 37: "So Saul inquired of God, 'Shall we go down after the Philistines? Will You give them into the hand of Israel?' But God did not answer him." Can you imagine that? God is silent. That relationship is broken.

Different scholars discuss this curse in different ways, but at its core, what Saul has really done is throw restrictions on people that God never intended them to be under. He added to what God would have asked them to do, and that was the sin he made. It is a significant one, because ultimately it comes out that somebody has eaten.

Saul casts lots and determines that someone on his side must have violated the command. In verse 43, "Saul said to Jonathan, 'Tell me what you have done.' And Jonathan said, 'I tasted a little honey with the end of the staff that was in my hand. Here I am, I must die.'" Saul replies, "May God do this to me and more also, for you shall surely die, Jonathan." But the people intervene: "Must Jonathan die, the one who brought about this great deliverance in Israel? Far from it. As the Lord lives, not one hair of his head shall fall to the ground, for he has worked with God this day." So the people rescued Jonathan, and he did not die.

The Command to Destroy Amalek

The battle continues, and we come to the Amalekites in chapter 15. Samuel says to Saul, "The Lord sent me to anoint you as king over Israel, and now therefore listen. Thus says the Lord of hosts, 'I will punish Amalek for what he did to Israel, how he set himself against him on the way while they were coming up from Egypt. Now go and strike Amalek and utterly destroy all that he has. Do not spare him, but put to death both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.'"

Something in us recoils at that. We think, that is the God of the Old Testament. I don't like that. I'll take the God of the New Testament, not the God of the Old Testament. But here is the reality: it is the same God. So why would God command this? God had been waiting for hundreds of years for the Amalekites to repent and respond. They had grown worse and worse. Not only were they worshiping false gods, but among their practices of worship, they would take their firstborn children, place them in an iron kettle, light the kettle on fire, and burn them alive. They had repeatedly attacked and brought destruction upon Israel. They represent the flesh. They represent opposition. And God says, destroy it. Do not take anything from it. Wipe it out completely, as He makes plain in verse 3: man, woman, child, infant, donkey, ox, camel.

Partial Obedience Is Still Disobedience

Here is what actually happens. In verse 7, they defeat the Amalekites and capture Agag, the king of the Amalekites, and utterly destroy all the people with the edge of the sword. But Saul and the people spare Agag, and they spare the best sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs, and all that was good. They were not willing to destroy them utterly. Everything that was despised and worthless, they destroyed.

They go in, see a healthy sheep, and think, that is going to taste good. They see a strong ox and think, that is going to be useful. So they took the good ones and spared them, and killed the weak ones. Was that what God told them to do? No. There is a problem.

The word of the Lord comes to Samuel, and God says in verse 11, "I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following Me and has not carried out My command." Samuel so loves this man Saul that he is distressed. He prays all night. Then Samuel rises in the morning to meet Saul, and it is reported to him that Saul has come to Carmel and has set up a monument for himself.

In verse 13, Samuel comes to Saul, and Saul says, "Blessed are you of the Lord. I have carried out the commands of the Lord." There is some dark humor in verse 14. Samuel essentially asks, then what is this bleating of sheep I hear? You said you destroyed them all, yet there are all these noises. Something does not add up.

Samuel says, "Wait, let me tell you what the Lord said to me last night." And Saul says, "Speak." Samuel walks him through it point by point. Is it not true that though you were little in your own eyes, you were made head of the tribes of Israel? Yes. And the Lord anointed you king over Israel? Yes. And the Lord sent you on a mission? Yes. "And He said, 'Go and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are exterminated.' Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord, but rushed upon the spoil and did what was evil in the sight of the Lord?"

Excuses in the Place of Repentance

Remarkably persistent, Saul responds: "I did obey the voice of the Lord, and went on the mission which the Lord sent me, and brought back Agag the king of Amalek, and have utterly destroyed the Amalekites. But the people took some of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the choicest of the things devoted to destruction, to sacrifice to the Lord your God at Gilgal."

Samuel cuts through the excuse directly: "Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of divination, and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has also rejected you from being king."

Saul's Disobedience and Self-Justification

"Have utterly destroyed the Amalekites. But the people..." Do you see that? "But the people took." Now that is directly contrary to verse 9. Look at verse 9: "Saul and the people spared Agag, the best sheep," et cetera. But then Saul says the people took some of the spoils — the sheep and oxen and the choicest things devoted to destruction — for sacrifice. The people did it, not me. It's the people.

What has happened in Saul's life is that he has reached a point where he is so close to the Word of God that he now serves only himself. He is right back where Israel was at the end of the book of Judges, when everyone was doing what was right in their own mind. He failed to wait on God — we saw that back in chapter 13. He has been given instruction again, and he refuses it. He wants to be his own master, and you cannot serve two Gods.

What happened to Saul is that he is beginning to love what God hates and hate what God loves. He is concerned about his own good, concerned about himself, and he says, "It's not my fault." He will not even deal at this point with his own sin.

Obedience Must Flow from Love

Look at chapter 15, verse 22: "Samuel said, 'Has the Lord as much delight in the burnt offerings and sacrifice as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Obey. To obey is better than sacrifice. To heed better than fat rams. For rebellion is a sin of divination and insubordination is as iniquity or an idolatry. Because you've rejected the Word of the Lord, He has rejected you from being king.'"

Let me also read from Eugene Peterson's rendering: "Do you think all God wants are sacrifices and empty rituals just for show? He wants you to listen to Him. Plain listening is the thing, not staging a lavish religious production. Not doing what God tells you to do is far worse than fooling around with the occult. Getting self-important around God is far worse than making deals with your dead ancestors. Because you said no to God's commands, He said no to your kingship."

God wants us to obey, and how we obey is important. But the motivation for obedience needs to be love. Saul is not in love with God. Does God want our obedience? Yes, but He wants that obedience to flow from a heart that is in love with Him. "If you love Me, you keep My commandments." Is obedience a spiritual indicator of where we are? Absolutely.

Here is what I am saying to you: obedience will not last if you are not in love with the Savior. You are going to wear out. I appreciate the "Just Say No" campaign, but just say no — what is that, really? You know how long that is going to last? Until you get to your first party. Obey God? Yes. But if it is not rooted in love, you are going to wear out on prayer, giving, fasting, reading Scripture, serving, taking the principles of God and incorporating them into your life and business. You are going to quit on all of it.

Obedience is nothing more than an expression of what is in your heart. If you are doing it out of duty, you are going to wear out and give up. That is what God is saying. You think He wants your sacrifices and your empty rituals? No. He wants your heart. "Present your body as a living sacrifice." He wants your heart.

The Fear of Man

I want to tie together that earlier discussion about the armor-bearer and the exchange of clothing, because the question is: what would make Saul do this? The answer is in verse 24: "Then Saul said to Samuel, 'I have sinned. I have indeed transgressed the commands of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and listened to their voice.'" The fear of man had overshadowed the fear of God. That is what happened.

How Sin Corrupts Our Relationships

When we talk about sin and the effects of sin, we tend to think of work becoming toil, of childbirth becoming painful, and then a list of individual sins — adultery, murder, lying. But I do not think we understand nearly deeply enough how contaminated we are by sin.

Turn to the very first book of the Bible, Genesis. In chapter 2, God has created man and woman. They are in the garden, and chapter 2, verse 25 tells us: "They are naked and not ashamed." It is an extraordinary picture of innocence — naked and unashamed. You do not even have a category for that anymore. And that is because of what happens in Genesis 3.

When they sin, look at what sin does. Genesis 3, verse 7: their eyes are opened and they know they are naked. They were naked and unashamed; now they know they are naked. And immediately all this abnormal behavior begins. They protect themselves. They hear the sound of the Lord walking in the cool of the garden, verse 8, and they hide from Him. We have been hiding ever since — hiding from each other, hiding from God.

Why is all of this going on? Because they are afraid. Sin has so corrupted us that we cannot even have normal relationships. We cannot have normal friendships. When you look at human relationships, it is virtually impossible to have a genuinely honest relationship because of sin.

The Illusion of Deep Friendship

Think back to junior high. You had a best friend forever — a little broken heart necklace, one half for you and one half for her. Do you even know if that girl is dead or alive today? Think about your wedding party. You needed five bridesmaids because your sister had four, so you had to find five, but you only had one real friend. The groomsmen were no different — someone just grabbed names out of a yearbook. There was all this build-up: the shower, the night out before, all of it. And now, years later, you can barely remember who stood beside you.

Here is a striking example of how shallow those bonds can be. A man was talking with another man about a mutual friend, and he said, "You were in his wedding." The other man said, "I wasn't in his wedding." And yet there they were, debating whether he had stood at the altar with this person. Best friends forever. It just does not last — and the reason is that all of those things are superficial.

Honesty and the Fear of Being Known

The closest most of us come to real honesty is probably with a spouse. The closest I have come to being flat honest is probably with Susan — and yet there is a whole range of things where I find myself thinking, I do not believe she needs to know this. That is not going to be beneficial to us in the long run. But what is that, really? That is just sin.

We did an exercise in a staff meeting a couple of weeks ago, and we were talking about heaven. One of the conversations that came up in the room was that relationships in heaven will be without sin. All of that fear will be gone. Because here is the truth: when you are afraid of revealing yourself to another person, and yet you do it — not to a reporter, not to someone who wants to do you harm, but within the context of a real relationship — almost always that person responds, and the relationship goes deeper. The transforming power in friendship lies in exactly that kind of honesty. And when you finally do tell them, there is a sense in which you feel acceptance and love.

The Deepest Relationship Possible

Now think carefully about this. The only place — at least on this earth — and the only one with whom you can have that kind of completely honest relationship is God Himself, because He knows everything. You are not going to say, "God, there is this one thing I do not think You know about." He would say, "No, I was right there." Not only does He know everything you did, He knows everything you said, and everything you thought about doing but did not do. And here is the key: He loves you anyway.

If total honesty in a relationship is what deepens it, then by definition, the deepest relationship you can possibly have on this earth is with Him. And you see how that all ties together. Once you have that, you have the ability to go and live a life of obedience — not driven by duty, but driven by love. Think of a child, or a friend, or a spouse, or a parent — someone you would not dream of harming because you love them so much. That love is imperfect, but His love for you is perfect. He is not going to harm you or leave you.

He Knows, and He Loves You Anyway

That fear — the fear that if someone really knew who you were, they would want nothing to do with you — that was Saul's fear, and it is your fear. If you really knew what I was all about, you would not cut me any slack. And we do not cut people slack. The only person we ever cut slack is ourselves. But if you could be fully known and still fully loved, it would transform the depth of every relationship in your life.

God says: I really do know. Let these words sink in, because sometimes we are afraid of them. He really does know, and He loves you anyway. There is not one thing you can do — if you are a Christian — to make God love you more, or to make God love you less. So stop performing. He says, "I do not want those meaningless rituals. I want your heart." Are the things we do in faith important? Yes, they really are. But they are worth almost nothing if the heart is not right.

The Armor-Bearer Relationship

When you find that armor-bearer relationship — that person who says, "Whatever you are going to do, I am right here" — it is an amazing thing. Now, that does not mean you blindly follow someone into foolishness. If a guy says he is going to fly drugs across the border, you are not saying, "Well, I will keep watch for you." Use your head. But by and large, what most of us are doing is simply trying to figure out life. We do not need one more critic. We need an armor-bearer.

And here is the beauty of it: you can be an armor-bearer. You do not need a PhD. You just need to be there. So let me say it again, for the third time: you may not have these kinds of people in your life right now, but you know how deeply you need it — so why not go and be that for somebody else? You cannot have a large number of these relationships.

Friendship That Transforms

But do you need it. And when you are in that relationship, do you need it. Why don't you have it? Because of sin. Because you are afraid.

We are here to pray with you. As I said last week, there has been a steady flow, and there is not a day that goes by that we are not hearing about economic issues in people's lives. Economic issues produce other senses of strain in life, so there may also be relationship issues. The pastoral staff will be up front after the service and would love an opportunity to pray with you.

Closing Prayer

Father, I ask that You would allow us to be armor-bearers, to be those who come alongside and offer words of encouragement. God, I pray that we could be that to one another. It is going to be tainted by our sin, and it is going to be affected by the depth of a relationship. We understand that You are the only one who is not tainted by this sin, and what controls us and troubles us and fatigues us and worries us does not worry You.

So God, I pray that we would see how deeply You love us — so much so that You sent Your Son to die so that we could have eternal life. God, I pray that today we could begin the process of being a blessing to the people around us, as we do nothing more than allow them to see what it looks like when You begin to reign in a person's life. God, will You do this in our lives? We ask it in Christ's name. Amen.