Humble Leaders
Tom Shrader expounds 1 Peter 5:1-5, walking through Peter's instructions for elders to shepherd God's flock voluntarily, without greed or domineering authority, motivated by the reward of an unfading crown from the Chief Shepherd. He broadens the application beyond church leadership, arguing that humility—defined as not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less—is the foundational ingredient for every human relationship. Drawing on C.S. Lewis, Tim Keller, and 1 Corinthians 13, Shrader concludes that love and humility are inseparable, and that self-forgetfulness rooted in the gospel is the only path to relationships that truly flourish.
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but it's simply thinking of yourself less.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: 1 Peter
Recorded: 2012 at East Valley Bible Church
Duration: 50 min
Themes: humility, leadership, shepherding, love, service, authority, self-forgetfulness, relationships, struggling with pride, new to leadership, elder, pastor, mentor, navigating conflict, husband, young adult
Scripture: 1 Peter 5:1-5, Acts 2, Acts 20:33, 2 Peter 2:3, Matthew 20:25, 2 Timothy 4:7-8, Isaiah 14, Isaiah 66:2, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Theological Themes: ecclesiology, pastoral care, servant leadership, sanctification, biblical authority, eldership, gospel-centered living, spiritual maturity
Full Transcript
Introduction to 1 Peter 5:1–5
Open your Bibles to 1 Peter chapter 5. We are going to look today at verses 1 through 5, and we will finish our study in 1 Peter next week. I want to read the passage first from the New American Standard and then from Eugene Peterson's paraphrase, The Message.
Before we get into the text, I want to address something that came up in a conversation this week. We were talking about distractions within the service. The previous two weeks I came to church and simply sat where you sit, and I made a number of observations — not intentionally, just as things were happening around me. One of the clearest things I noticed was how easy it is to distract the people around you.
In the afternoon service, there was a young man I would guess was around ten or eleven who got up four times during the message. I presume he went to the bathroom — I have no idea what he was doing — but that is eight times this child walked in front of me. I had adults behind me who talked almost the entire time. I had a lady three rows in front of us with a wonderful baby, and the minute she held that baby up, she distracted all five rows behind her.
I would really encourage you to be sensitive to the people around you. I understand that people have to get up during a service, but there is really no excuse for talking back and forth, and we need to be especially sensitive with children. Tyler and Haley bring Brayden and Yale — Brayden is seven, Yale is five — to the Sunday night service, and they do well. They sit, they have their Bibles, they take notes, and they can handle it.
If you have children with you, that is your call to make. Oftentimes there are people with us for the first time who are not even aware that children's ministry exists. From birth through sixth grade, we have ministry available for you to use. As a dad, I will simply tell you that you are going to get a lot more out of a message if you place your child in children's ministry than if you are sitting in the service worried about them. Please be sensitive to the people around you.
I say this not by way of chastisement, but by way of information and as a heads-up. Feel free to help the people around you find their way to children's ministry. I know it is not always the easiest thing to do, and it can be awkward for ushers as well, but it is worth the effort.
Reading the Passage
Now, 1 Peter chapter 5, verses 1 through 5: "Therefore, I exhort the elders among you as your fellow elder and witness of the sufferings of Christ, and a partaker also of the glory that is to be revealed. Shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. You who are younger, likewise be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
Now let me read the paraphrase, because it brings the passage to life in a helpful way. Eugene Peterson renders it this way: "I have a special concern for you church leaders. I know what it's like to be a leader in Christ's suffering, as well as the coming glory. Here's my concern: that you care for God's flock with all the diligence of a shepherd. Not because you have to, but because you want to please God. Not calculating what you're going to get out of it, but acting spontaneously. Not bossily telling others what to do, but tenderly showing them the way. When God, who is the best shepherd of all, comes out in the open with His rule, He'll see that you've done it right and commend you lavishly. And you who are younger must follow your leaders. But all of you, leaders and followers alike, are to be down to earth with each other, for God has had it with the proud, but delights in just plain people."
The Structure of the Passage
As you read through this, it is very obvious that in verses 1 through 4, Peter is directing his comments toward the elders — the leaders in the church. Then in verse 5, though he singles out a group called younger men, most scholars would agree that he is identifying that group as part of the whole congregation. He is saying to the congregation: here is your responsibility.
I said after the first service that it is as if Peter is saying in verses 1 through 4, "You lead this way," and everybody responds, "Amen, I can follow that person." Then in verse 5 he says, "You follow this way," and all the leaders respond, "It would be a pleasure to lead someone like that." He is painting a picture of the relationship between the elders and the congregation within the church.
What I want to do at the end of this is take a little time and move this even beyond the elder-congregation relationship, because there is a key component at the core — I believe — of every human relationship.
The Plurality of Elders
"I exhort" means to call alongside — in a general sense, to encourage or compel somebody in a certain direction. Peter exhorts elders. The terms elder, bishop, overseer, and pastor are used somewhat interchangeably in Scripture. He encourages those who are elders, and that eldership is marked by spiritual maturity, as well as the office of elder itself.
Throughout the New Testament, Peter speaks of elders in terms of plurality — always plural as it relates to the position and to the group of leaders. They may speak of themselves individually; Peter may say "I, a fellow elder" in the singular. But the concept we would use is a plurality of elders, and there are at least three important reasons for this.
The first is that a plurality of elders helps protect the church against error. In Redemption Church Gilbert, and in most Redemption churches, and probably most churches even with boards of elders, there is one elder you will see most of the time — in this case, that is particularly me. But that elder is not the one. It is not Tom's church. It is not Jamie's church, or Rick's church, or Luke's church, or Frank's church. The church is led by a group of elders, and one of the benefits of that is a kind of doctrinal checks and balances.
One of the things we do at Redemption Church is gather every Wednesday — the guys who will be teaching not that week but in ten days — to work through the text together. It allows everyone to present different arguments and different positions. Oftentimes in those meetings I will sit and begin to take notes and think, "This is way different than anything I would have seen. This is a different emphasis. I would have gone a different way, and perhaps even been wrong in the way I taught that." That is one of the huge benefits of plurality.
The second reason is that a plurality of elders preserves and protects the church against imbalance. When you bring people together, though they will have similarities — we talk a lot about fit, about pastors and elders here, and we want men who are philosophically alike — we certainly do not want eight men just like me sitting in that room. When you bring together a diverse group of people and place them in that room as leaders, you get a sense of balance in the way God gifts.
One of the big misconceptions and mistakes is when a church looks at their lead pastor or teaching pastor and expects that one man to be the leader, the administrator, the staffer, and the organizer — as though a single person possesses all of these gifts. That is not true. To get what you need, you need that balance. You need that plurality of elders and their gifts being used together.
The third reason is that plurality avoids discontinuity in the church. If what you have is one man, once that man is gone, the church is in serious trouble. In most instances, though not all, that man does a terrible job of preparing his successor. Oftentimes, after twenty or twenty-five years, the church will almost begin to rise up and say, "We have had enough of this one man." A plurality of elders provides not necessarily a seamless transition, but a good one.
This is my last Sunday teaching on a regular basis. We have had a major transition over the last two or three years, and one of the reasons it has had as little negative impact as it has is because of the balance of elders. It is not a man leaving — it is a natural reemphasis of the team. So Peter makes this point, even as just a passing note, but it speaks to those of us who are sensitive to this: there is a plurality of elders. He says, in effect, "I am one of you. No better, no worse. Just one of you."
A Witness of the Suffering of Christ
In the second part of verse one, Peter says he is "a witness of the suffering of Christ." He saw it. And there were all sorts of things Peter could have mentioned at this point — that he was a witness on the Mount of Transfiguration, or a witness of the life of Christ, the miracles of Christ, the teaching of Christ, even the resurrection of Christ. Instead, he points to the suffering of Christ's redemptive work. He points to the major part of Christ's work. If you go back and look at Peter's first sermon in Acts chapter two, there it is, over and over again: the suffering, the death of Christ.
Tucked in here alongside Christ's redemptive work is also Christ's restoring work — especially in Peter's own life. Wayne Grudem writes this: "Why does Peter recall this? Probably to demonstrate that restoration, even from grievous sin, is possible with Christ — and thus to encourage the elders in a humble willingness to be penitent for their sin, rather than be filled with hypocritical pride and unwillingness to even admit a wrongdoing."
This is total speculation, but when Peter began to reflect back on the suffering of Christ, what we think about is the arrest, the trial, the beating, the scourging, and the crucifixion. It would be impossible, I would guess, for Peter to reflect upon the suffering of Christ without reflecting upon his own failure at the same time. It would be very difficult for him to think about the suffering of Christ and not hear himself saying, "I never knew Him, I never knew Him, I never knew Him." But with that failure comes redemption, and Peter was totally aware of that. He was a witness of that.
Peter also says he is "a partaker of the glory that is to be revealed." That is a theme we have seen throughout this book, and we will see it one more time when we reach verse four, so we will return to it.
Shepherding the Flock of God
Peter then says, "I want you to shepherd the flock of God" — which could equally be stated, "I want you to shepherd the sheep of God." When we speak of a flock, R. C. H. Lenski writes this: "Flock brings to mind all the shepherd imagery found in the Scriptures."
The Image of Sheep and Shepherd
Sheep are gentle, defenseless, and liable to stray. They need a shepherd. They are happy and peaceful under care, but pitiful when lost and scattered. This is God's flock, brought at a great price, and it is exceedingly precious in His sight. A great trust is placed in the hands of the human shepherds who are to pattern their lives after God Himself.
Sometime ago we taught the 23rd Psalm, and I remember my first exposure to studying it was in Larry Wright's Bible study. He came in one day frustrated because he had been to a funeral where the 23rd Psalm was read, and that set him off like a rocket — because the 23rd Psalm is not about dying. It is about living. It is about a shepherd and sheep.
When we taught the 23rd Psalm, we relied heavily on Philip Keller's book, *A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm*. Here are just some observations to get a sense of sheep, because God could have picked any animal, but the imagery He chose is sheep and shepherd. For example, God has created most animals with an uncanny instinct to find their way home, but if a sheep strays into unfamiliar territory, it becomes completely disoriented and cannot find its way back.
Sheep spend most of their time eating and drinking, but if they are lost, they are almost helpless to find adequate food. They are indiscriminate in what they eat — they will consume both healthy and poisonous plants, and they will overgraze. They are equally undiscriminating about the water they drink. Their wool secretes a large volume of oily lanolin, making it like sticky paper that collects everything around it, and they are incapable of cleaning themselves or one another.
When sheep are lost, they are truly lost — helpless, hopeless, and defenseless. They will stampede and run over one another. Along comes the shepherd, and the job of the shepherd is to protect, to feed, and to calm.
The Shepherd Knows His Sheep
At night, shepherds would bring their herds in to different pens — rock enclosures perhaps two or three feet tall with an opening. Each shepherd would stand by his pen, call his sheep, and the sheep would know the shepherd's voice and come to him. They would enter the pen, and then the shepherd would lie down and sleep in front of the opening so that no predator could get in and no sheep could wander out. That is the imagery being painted here.
The people hearing this would understand it completely. They would understand their role as shepherds, and they would understand what was being said about who they are. Spiritually, we tend to wander like sheep. We have all wandered astray. We need help, and we need protection.
Peter says that is the job in the church — the job of the elders, the bishops, the overseers, the pastors, the leaders. Shepherd the flock of God among you, and do it this way: exercise oversight. You are to look upon, to watch over the flock.
Serving Willingly, Not Under Compulsion
In between calling leaders to exercise oversight and pointing to his examples at the end of verse three, Peter provides an important contrast. A shepherd should not be pressured into accepting this role. You do it voluntarily. You are awake, diligent, and not lazy. You are motivated by love, not forced by some sense of obligation. You are passionate about it, not apathetic or indifferent.
Secondly, not only are you serving voluntarily, you are serving according to the will of God. God has placed you there. And the motivation is not sordid gain. As money is involved, there may always be some temptation for money to become the motivator — Peter says do not let that be the case.
Now, he is not saying that those who are leaders should not be paid. We know that from reading passages in Paul's epistles. He is saying that money must not be the driving force. In Acts chapter 20, verse 33, Paul speaks autobiographically as he says farewell to the elders of the church at Ephesus, reflecting over his time there: "I have coveted no one's silver or gold or clothes. You yourself know that these hands ministered to my own needs and to the men who were with me. In everything I showed you that by hard work in this manner, you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Himself. It is better to give than receive."
Paul is not saying that people in full-time ministry, or elders who lead, should not be compensated. He is saying that sordid gain must not become the driving force. In 2 Peter, the next book over, Peter is talking about false teachers and says in 2 Peter 2:3, "Their greed will exploit you with false words." This is an issue worth taking seriously.
Tyler and I have spent a lot of time discussing this in recent weeks, as there have been many conversations about what kind of money pastors are making at different places. Here is what we have always done: we have paid, and I am not proud of this, at what I would say is the low end of the market for churches our size. We have made some changes to try to improve that situation, but that is probably a—
Pastoral Integrity and Money
When the church started, I didn't take a salary, and haven't to this day. I've been provided, the last few years, a stipend and a housing allowance, but part of my reason was that I didn't want these things confused. I didn't want anybody to think it was money that was driving this.
There are pastors around the country making an extraordinary amount of money and flying around on private jets. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it becomes very, very dangerous. I see it all the time when the market gets bad. When a market gets bad like this, it's amazing how many people God seems to be calling into ministry — God rarely seems to call people in a boom. Peter is saying, be careful here, watch out for this.
Let me be clear: should men in ministry be paid? Can they be? Absolutely. But he is saying that money must not be the motive. It is a byproduct — they have to eat, they have to live.
Not Lording It Over Others
Here is the third thing Peter calls for, in verse three: not lording it over others. The idea is not ruling in a domineering, dominant way — not forcing somebody to do something under military pressure, political pressure, or economic pressure. It is autocratic, oppressive, and intimidating.
In Matthew chapter 20, verse 25, Jesus calls the disciples to Himself and says, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, whoever wishes to become great among you should be a servant." When you hear the term servant leadership, it should be characterized by the picture of Christ.
I am in a study group, and we are reading a little book called *Leading Like Jesus*. When I saw the title I thought I had to like it — but it is essentially that same thought process. And I will tell you, this has all sorts of challenges to it. It is not just in the church; it is in the marketplace as well — coaching like Christ, leading like Christ, leading from a position of strength but leading in a quiet way. Not browbeating, not intimidating, not pulling out a card that says you are an elder.
I will tell you practically: if you are playing that card very often, you are in real trouble. At that point, you have lost all the authority that card was meant to represent. Don't lord it over them — prove to be an example.
Follow Me as I Follow Christ
You know how you can be reading through scripture, reading a passage you may have read before, and it is the time the lights go on? I remember reading through Paul's letters, and Paul kept saying, "Follow me, follow me, follow me," and I thought, wow, that is a big thing to say. The full sentence is, "Follow me as I follow Christ."
What Peter is saying to the elders, the pastors, the bishops, the overseers, is this: you should be able to say to the people, "Follow me, look at me — not that I am perfect, but look at my life." That is the standard of example He is calling leaders to.
The Unfading Crown of Glory
Peter then says, "When the chief shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory." As Paul closes out his last letter we have retained, 2 Timothy, he says, "I fought the good fight, I finished the race, I kept the faith. In the future, there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness." It is the same image — the crown.
In that culture, the man who won the race did not get a gold medal; he got a crown. Military leaders and heroes did not get medals; they got crowns. In Corinth, if you won one of the Corinthian games and received a crown, three things came with it. First — and this will mean even more after the first of the year — you did not pay any taxes. You were tax exempt for the rest of your life. Second, you were a hero.
I love football Saturday. Obviously yesterday's game was the worst of them, but a game I love to watch every year is Army-Navy. I love all the pageantry. As somebody said yesterday, it's pretty cool — this is the only game where the guys playing would be willing to die for the people watching. But after Army-Navy comes the Heisman, and I think it would be so cool to be a Heisman Trophy winner. I have four years of eligibility left, but I do not think I am going to win the Heisman. The point is, you are a Heisman Trophy winner for life.
I have been bringing Sandy along in college football, and she has taken a liking to Desmond Howard. Desmond is on Saturday mornings, and he gets better every day. I told her he won a Heisman Trophy, and that is exactly it — wherever you go, the crown says "hero." So you have no taxes, you are a hero, and here is the third thing: your children could not be drafted into military service. That was a very big deal.
Fading Crowns and Eternal Glory
Paul makes this point, and Peter echoes it here: you will receive an *unfading* crown. All those other crowns fade away. That is our challenge. We are constantly looking at the things around us that seem so real and permanent, but they are all fading away.
The last few weeks, the Sunday and Wednesday lessons have dovetailed, and the final part of an eleven-part series on how to stay straight in a crooked world was about renewing ourselves day by day. We went to 2 Corinthians chapter four, verses 16 through 18: "Though the outer man is decaying, the inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. Because I look not at the things that are seen, but the things that are unseen, because the things that are seen are temporal, the things that are unseen are eternal."
It is the same idea here — you can run in this race because you are fixed on what is unseen and eternal rather than what is seen and fading away.
The Fading Crown and the Eternal Reward
Though the outer man is decaying, the inner man is being renewed day by day. That is the reality we come back to again and again. There is within this a real idea of reward. He says in verse four, "When the chief shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory." There is this moment, this eternal reward, available not just to shepherds but to all of us.
Scripture again and again calls us to understand that there is an eternal reward. There is that moment when we will receive not just "Well done, good and faithful servant," but whatever is attached to that. Peter says that is a legitimate motivation — to shepherd in the right way, to prove yourself by your example. The ultimate motivation is that Christ will one day reward you.
Turning the Mirror: Young Men and the Congregation
Verse five begins: "Likewise, young men." We have seen that word "likewise" before. It is a device Peter uses to change focus while maintaining some continuity with what he has been discussing. He has been talking about elders, and now he turns to the congregation.
Is Peter saying that young men chronologically should submit to old men chronologically? Most scholars agree the answer is no. What he is doing is continuing the same imagery — he is speaking of elders within the church and singling out young men, not because they are a fixed group, but because they are generally the most aggressive, headstrong, and arrogant group to deal with. He is saying: everyone, but especially young men.
I am speaking soon at a pastor's luncheon on the topic of transition — passing the baton and raising up young men. One of the points I intend to make is that if you are going to deal with young men, you have to be earnest about it, or they will smell it immediately. You also have to be prepared to put up with a great deal of arrogant behavior, because that is part of what being young often means. You think you know everything, and you know very little — or you may know a great deal from books, but nothing beyond that.
J.C. Watts, the former Oklahoma quarterback and congressman, tells a story about his father, who was retiring around age seventy. J.C. asked him what he planned to do, and his father said he was thinking of going to college. J.C. asked what for, and his father replied that he wanted to go in and see what they do to young people in four years that screws them up so much. What college can do is fill a head full of knowledge with no common sense to go along with it.
Clothe Yourselves with Humility
So Peter's instruction is this: elders, I want you to lead — with the right reasons, in a gentle, kind, and understanding way. Those of you in the congregation, especially young men, I want you to submit, to line up under that leadership. But then, to all of you — elders and congregation alike, every person — he says: "Clothe yourselves with humility."
The word "clothe" here means to tie something onto yourself, like an apron. Wrap yourself in humility. And here is why: "God is opposed to the proud and gives grace to the humble." God is not neutral in this process. It is not as though He looks at pride and says He understands, that it is simply an issue people struggle with. He is opposed to it.
The Core of Everything
I am convinced that the key ingredient of the Christian life — the one that sets up everything else — is humility. And in a sense, love springs from that. Consider any relationship: elder and congregation, husband and wife, two friends, people in society. The culture and the country are being torn apart, and it is not ultimately about economics or politics. We have lost all sense of civility, all sense of the capacity to live with one another, and at the core of that loss is the absence of humility.
C.J. Mahaney wrote a book with that very title, *Humility*, and in the foreword he writes: "Humility is a funny thing. On one hand, it is an extremely desirable trait. Most of —"
The Gap Between Wanting Humility and Having It
Most of us, as Christians, would say we want to be humble. At the same time, few of us have given genuine attention to what being humble actually means. Even fewer have considered what it takes to grow in humility. In place of true humility, we learn certain words or phrases that we believe make us sound humble. "Oh, really? It was nothing." Or, "Anyone could have done it." We cast our eyes down, shrug our shoulders, maybe even blush. Of course, we don't really mean it. Inside, we're congratulating ourselves for how humble we look and feel. We want that reputation, but we don't know how to get it in reality.
Webster defines humility as a state of being humble — which is not terribly helpful. Humble means not proud, not haughty, not arrogant or assertive. It means reflecting, expressing, or offering something in a spirit of deference or submission. Humility is one of those really difficult things because even as I strive for it, the moment I begin to measure it, I almost inadvertently become proud of how humble I am.
Consider two people driving around town. One person bought a magnificent car not simply because it gets him from point A to point B, but so others will look at it and see it as a reflection of who he is. He's very proud of the car he drives. But there are people driving around in old junkers who are equally proud of how humble they are for driving that old junker. The heart is a deceptively wicked thing. As A.W. Tozer says, whether it's self-aggrandizement or self-deprecation, either one is bad — because we're still talking about self.
Thinking of Yourself Less
The definition of humility I've used for the last few years is this: humility is not thinking less of yourself, but simply thinking of yourself less. Sometimes it's helpful to look at the negative in order to understand a concept. The enemy of humility is pride.
John Stott writes exactly that: "At every stage of our Christian development and in every sphere of our Christian discipleship, pride is the greatest enemy, humility our greatest friend." Pride not only appears to be the earliest of sins — it is the core of all sin. Stott writes that pride is more than just the first of the seven deadly sins; it is the essence of all sin.
In Isaiah chapter 14, we're told about how Lucifer became the devil. He began to say in his heart, "I will ascend to heaven. I will raise my throne above the stars of God. I will sit on the mount of the assembly. I will ascend above the heights of the clouds. I will make myself like the Most High." Pride drives it all. And God is decisively resistant to the proud and drawn to the humble. Isaiah 66:2 records these words from the Lord: "This is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at My word."
The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness
In the small book included in your book packet last week on the idea of self-forgetfulness, Tim Keller writes about the thinking of the Apostle Paul. Paul's ego is not puffed up — it's filled up. Paul has reached a place where his ego draws no more attention to itself than any other part of his body. He has reached a place where he is not thinking about himself anymore. When he does something wrong or good, he does not connect it with himself anymore.
C.S. Lewis, in *Mere Christianity*, makes a brilliant observation about real, gospel humility. At the end of his chapter on pride, he says this: "If we were to meet a truly humble person, we would never come away from that meeting thinking they were humble. They would not always be telling us that they were nobody, because a person who keeps saying they're nobody is actually self-obsessed. The thing we would remember from meeting a truly gospel-humbled person is how much they seemed to be totally interested in us." Because the essence of gospel humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, but thinking of myself less. True gospel humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation with myself. I stop thinking about myself altogether. That is the freedom of self-forgetfulness — the blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings.
This pull toward self is ingrained in us. I've told the story of how I would come home from a trip and give something to Sarah, and Haley would say, "What about me?" Or I'd give it to Haley and Sarah would say, "What about me?" We spend our whole lives naturally flinching in our ego: *What about me?* Humility comes along and says, listen — it's not all about you.
A Self-Forgetful Ego
Keller puts it this way: a truly gospel-humbled person is neither self-hating nor self-loving, but self-forgetful. Their ego is just like their toes — it simply works. It doesn't draw attention to itself. Toes just work; a gospel-humbled ego just works. Neither draws attention to itself.
To put a bow on it, still from Keller: because God loves me and accepts me, I do not have to do things to build my résumé. I don't have to do things to make myself look good. I can do things for the joy of doing them. I can help people simply to help people — not so I can feel better about myself, not so I can fill some emptiness inside. All of a sudden, I'm not worried about me. "What about me?" is no longer the driving force. The driving force becomes, "What about you?" Take that and put it into every relationship you have.
Every Relationship Works
Sandy and I have been married almost seven months. On one side, that feels like a long time — if you have a sore tooth, seven months is a long time. But in a marriage, I'm constantly trying to evaluate and reevaluate: how am I doing in this? God taught me a lot in 32 years, and I have a chance to, in a sense, start over again. There's a refreshment in that, but I keep asking myself: when does it seem to work best, and when does it not?
I can tell you, this is so easy. It works best when I'm in my best relationship with Christ and when I'm concerned about what Sandy needs, not about what Tom needs — what will allow me to help her be the best person God could ever be. And then conversely, if she were to somehow be in the other room with the same idea, substituting my name for hers, how can that thing not be great?
This is true in any friendship, any business. We're getting ready — and you should be praying about this as we talk about elders — Monday and Tuesday we're on a retreat all day with the leadership team of Redemption. Seven or eight of us will be locked away, reexamining Redemption and what we're doing. We're going to have tension in that discussion, simply because we have six campuses represented, and there will be questions about this and about that.
But the key to Redemption working, like any other relationship, is for us to say: this isn't about me. It's not about Gilbert, or West Mesa, or Arcadia. It's about Redemption and what we think God has called us to do.
The Love Chapter and the Essence of Every Relationship
Let me take you to one passage of Scripture, and then we're done. First Corinthians chapter 13 — you seasoned veterans know that's the love chapter. I want to do something I've done probably six times in the last year, so maybe it's fitting to do it on my last Sunday with you: to go to this idea and the concept of love as Paul defines it.
First Corinthians 13, beginning in verse four: "Love is patient, it is kind, it is not jealous, it does not brag, it is not arrogant, it does not act unbecomingly." In my Bible, this next phrase is circled — probably the key to it all — "it does not seek its own." That's what love is. "It is not provoked, it does not take into account a wrong suffered," it's not keeping score, "does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in truth."
Verse seven: "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
I'm sure I'm not connecting and expressing this as clearly as it is in my mind, but God is connecting this idea of humility and love as the essence of every relationship. It's what's going to make the church work, the family work, the business work, the culture work, the society work, the gym work, the homeowner's association work.
Love Bears All Things
How should you be in your relationship with one another? You should bear all things. "Bears all things" basically means to cover, to support, to protect. Love bears all things by protecting others from exposure, ridicule, or harm. Genuine love does not gossip, or listen to gossip.
Even when sin is certain, love tries to correct it with the least possible hurt and harm to the guilty person. Love never protects sin, but is anxious to protect the sinner. Imagine a relationship where instead of trying to expose somebody and their weakness and begin to talk to your friends about them, you did the opposite.
Here's what I mean. You have a friend, and you know something about him — nothing particular, generally known, but maybe not known by everyone. Somebody you meet has just met this person for the first time, and they can't wait to tell you how great he is. He's terrific, he's awesome. And then this makes it worse: what he said was something brilliant — but all he was doing was repeating you. Why is your natural flinch to say, "Let me tell you something else about him"? Because you don't love him, and because you're not acting in a spirit of humility. Love bears all things.
Love Believes All Things
Love believes all things. Love is not suspicious or cynical. It throws a mantle over a wrong. It also believes the best outcome for the one who has done the wrong — it believes that wrong will be confessed and forgiven, and that the Lord will restore.
Love Hopes All Things
Love hopes all things. Even when belief in a loved one's goodness or repentance is shattered, love still hopes. When it runs out of faith, it holds onto hope. As long as God's grace is operative, human failure is never final.
God would not take Israel's failure as final. Jesus would not take Peter's failure as final. Paul would not take the Corinthians' failure as final. There are more than enough promises in the Bible to make love hopeful.
Love Endures All Things
Love endures all things. "Endures" is a military term that speaks of holding an army's vital position at all costs — every hardship, every suffering endured in the process. Love holds fast to those it loves. It endures all things at all costs. It stands against overwhelming opposition and refuses to stop bearing, stop believing, or stop hoping. Love will not stop loving.
That is what He calls us to do. Again, in the context of our lesson, it's elders and congregation — but ultimately it's all of us, in every relationship. So if you're in relationships right now where this part is shattered, and this part is shattered, and this part is shattered, my suspicion would be that somewhere in the midst of it you are either overly exercising your rights or overly concerned about yourself.
The Infiltration of Pride
How much of our daily life is actually shaped by pride? Consider how this infiltrates every aspect of how we live. Some families are preparing to take on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to send a child to a particular school — not even for the education itself, but simply so it looks good on a resume, or so at the Christmas party you can drop the name and it sounds impressive. Why do you drive what you drive? Why do you wear what you wear? Why do you live where you live?
How much of those decisions is genuinely concerned with your image? That concern for image is pride — and pride is the utmost evil, a complete anti-God state of mind. When you begin to look honestly at your life, you start to see just how deeply this infiltrates everything.
The Only Way Forward
There is only one way out of pride, and that is to understand your sin, to recognize your need of a Savior, and to reckon honestly with what Christ did on the cross. There is no other path.
Closing Prayer
Father, let us have a mind in us that was also in Christ Jesus — and that mind was one of humility. He became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. God, allow us to think this way and to see people this way, and may our relationships blossom as You are in the middle of them. God, may our hearts and our minds draw us close to You. We pray in Christ's name, amen.