Romans 12:17-21
Tom Shrader walks through Romans 12:17-21, unpacking Paul's commands to never repay evil for evil, to pursue peace as far as it depends on us, and to actively do good to our enemies. He emphasizes that this response is entirely supernatural and impossible apart from the Holy Spirit working within the believer. Drawing on the story of Joseph, the forgiveness extended to sinners in Romans 5, and the transforming principle of Romans 12:1-2, Shrader calls listeners to trust God's sovereignty rather than attempt to settle their own accounts.
“Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind — because you have a new heart, you don't think that way anymore.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: Romans
Recorded: 2013 at East Valley Bible Church
Duration: 38 min
Themes: forgiveness, enemies, peace, revenge, evil, trust in god, doing good, conflict, struggling with bitterness, navigating conflict, betrayed by someone, wanting revenge, new believer, dealing with a difficult person, husband, young adult
Scripture: Romans 12:17-21, Romans 12:1-2, Romans 5:6, Romans 5:8, Romans 5:10, 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 4:32, Ephesians 5:18, Philippians 4:13, Genesis 50:20, Romans 13
Theological Themes: sanctification, holy spirit dependence, Romans 12, divine sovereignty, justification, becoming holy, biblical ethics, wrath of god
Full Transcript
Most, if not all, of the great revivals and reformations in the history of the church have been directly related to the Book of Romans. As John MacArthur writes, this is an important book, a powerful book. In it, you have essentially all of the teachings of the Christian faith. Many would say that if they could take just one book from the Bible, it would be the Book of Romans.
One of the things that is so compelling about the book is that Paul is trying to answer questions we are all asking. If you have been in a philosophy class or sat at a coffee shop, you have had the same discussion: Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? Why is the world the way it is? Paul talks about all of that.
Today's Passage: Romans 12:17–21
The section we have in front of us today is, I think, a tough section to teach. Let's read it — Romans chapter 12, verses 17 through 21. I use the New American Standard, so you may see some variance from your own translation, but here is the passage:
*"Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, and I will repay,' says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, if he is thirsty, give him a drink, for in doing so you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."*
You can read it and say it sounds pretty nice, but when we pull it apart and begin to apply it, it becomes almost overwhelming.
Never Pay Back Evil for Evil
Verse 17 opens with a recurring theme in this passage: not only that we do no harm to our enemies, but that we actively do good to them. One author writes that this is the essential Christianity, and this is where we so often find a difference between Christian teaching and the morality of the world, even at its best and highest.
Jim Mullen, a staff member at our Tempe congregation, was ministering in Europe — in Turkey, I believe — and had built friendships with people from all sorts of different religions and faiths. He was sitting down with a Muslim man one afternoon, and they came across this passage in their conversation and study. The man stopped him and said, "Wait, wait — read that again. Don't repay evil for evil, but do good. Do what is right." Then he said what that author wrote: this would revolutionize the world. It is totally foreign. It is uniquely Christian.
Our Natural Instinct to Strike Back
Don't repay evil for evil — and yet that is our natural flinch. Watch any football game on any Saturday in the fall, and you will see it play out in plain sight. In the course of the game, one player throws a cheap shot, and the other player swings right back. The flag gets thrown, and it is never on the first guy — it is always on the second. It happened in the Iowa game, the Clemson game, the Alabama game. It happens in every game, all year long. If you are an NFL fan and you turn it on today, you will see it.
The most natural thing in the world, when somebody comes at you — and not just physically — is to hit back.
Repaying Evil with Good
I'm talking about they've done you wrong. In that context, in that verse, it's payback. The implication is somebody's done something evil to you — don't swing back. This is not a time for retribution. But is there a place for retribution? Let me acknowledge that.
When somebody swings at you or does you dirty, the most natural thing is to want to get back. Now in our preaching collective — that's all the guys who are going to teach at the congregations — we meet and talk about the passage. We got right here, and we started talking about ISIS. What about this? What about that? If they launch this, what about the Soviets? What about the Chinese? We started painting all these grand pictures.
Here's the thing: Paul is not dealing with nations here. Whoever is teaching next week has Romans 13, which is about government. Are there times for retribution within God's structure? Yes. In the family there's discipline. In the workplace there are repercussions and consequences for behavior. The same is true in the church — church discipline — and the same is true in government.
So don't go down that road. I'm going to have to keep pulling your mind back all day, because your mind is going to want to race off, and I have to say: we don't want to talk about ISIS right now. We want to talk about you.
Getting Someone in Mind
It's really helpful if you get somebody specific in mind. In all likelihood, whoever that person is has an "ex" in front of their name — ex-spouse, ex-employer, ex-employee, ex-coach. I dealt with a guy a few years ago who was 45 years old, angry and bitter. When we unpacked it, he was mad at his high school coach for not putting him in to close a baseball game his senior year, because if the scouts had seen him, he was pretty convinced he would have been in the major leagues. I told him, "If you're that good, trust me — we know we need pitching. We'll find you."
You need to apply this passage to a real person in your life. Here's what Paul is saying in verse 17: somebody has done evil to you — there's no question about it, we don't need a grand jury — they've done evil to you. Don't repay them back. In fact, with respect to what is right, what is honorable, do what's right in the sight of men.
The Problem of Agreeing on What Is Right
Now, what's the problem with that verse? We can't agree on what's right anymore. A major study published in a book called *A Day America Told the Truth* surveyed 2,000 people, and their conclusion was — and I quote — "There's a letdown in the moral values that are now considered to be the number one problem in the country." We can't agree on what's right.
But we know this: if it's something you hide when you do it, it's probably not right. You do what's right in the sight of all men. You take the high road. You don't get even. And we look at that and we're suspicious — that's not even practical, we think.
A friend of mine was lecturing freshman business students at UCLA on morals and ethics. When he was done, the first question he was asked was: "Do you know one person — man or woman — who has been successful in business and is honest?" The implication is that you have to cheat. That's not right. Your greatest asset in the marketplace today is your Christian faith. We're at a point where if you can show up on time and give correct change, you're in the top ten percent of your field. Those of you who hire people — what do you look for? Somebody who's honest, who has integrity, who is conscientious. That's a Christian.
Living at Peace with All Men
Paul says in verse 18: "If it's possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men." Now get ISIS out of there. Keep pushing ISIS out of there. We're talking about you — you at the homeowners association, you with the people next door, you with the guy with the barking dog, you in your house with one another.
I love the realism of this. Paul seems to acknowledge that with some people it is just not possible. But as far as it depends on you, you go there. Somebody said to me the other day, "I've done everything I can in this relationship." I don't know if that's true or not, but Paul is saying in verse 18: if you've done everything you can, kudos to you — but see that it really does depend on you.
This gets right down into the relationship. I don't know how old Sarah and Haley were — not very old, maybe ten or eleven. It was a football Saturday and I'm watching — I mean, it's a big game, Toledo and Connecticut — and Susan came in and said, "I'm going to go get sandwiches. What do you want?" I said, "Do I look discerning when it comes to food? Whatever — just bring something." So she brought sandwiches, and Sarah and Haley and a couple of their friends were in the dining room eating. I got up to get seconds, and Susan said, "You know the girls are in there and I think they're hungry — why don't you wait and see what they want?" And I said, "You have got to be kidding me."
The Sandwich Moment
I have cash and a credit card — all I'm saying is, bring the food. It can't be this hard. So I go over and sit down, and I hear the girls say, "Oh, Mom, we could eat a horse." Pretty soon the girls are gone, and Susan picks up the sandwich and comes over. Now there are a lot of ways to set down a sandwich, and I don't want to accomplish a death here. She comes over and sets the sandwich down in front of me.
We are at a critical point, because we know the fundamental principle: the one who talks next loses. And she said, "I know you want to watch the game, and the girls can be distracting. I'm going to take them to the mall and get out of here so you can watch the game."
Now I want to replay that, because you can see how this could have gone differently. If you want to repay evil for evil, she can take that steak and drive it right in — hey, pal, hey, slick, here you go — and then it goes like this, and pretty soon you have a situation. You can feel it. You can tell the story. You go: here's what he's saying. Not ISIS, but at home, over a sandwich, in the simplest things. Those are the things where, as far as it depends on you, you are to be at peace with one another.
The Word "But" — Paul's Pattern of Contrast
You have a responsibility in verses 19 through 21. Before I do any in-depth study or research, I just read the passage, and when I did, I noticed one word appearing three times. I've highlighted it for you — it's the word *but*. As I study and try to get a rhythm, it's Paul's typical rhythm: a contrast.
In Ephesians, Paul uses the phrase "put off the old, put on the new." Stop lying — but that only moves you to neutral. Now tell the truth. That's the same technique he employs here. "Never take your own revenge, beloved, leave room for the wrath of God." He's saying: don't try to even the score. The implication is clear that the other person has done wrong. He's just saying, don't take that person and turn them into an enemy.
This is really about what it means to love. Love means don't keep score — that's 1 Corinthians 13. Don't reckon, don't keep an account. Think about the other person, not about yourself. Don't take revenge, don't try to do that, because you're only going to mess it up.
Adversaries vs. Enemies — The Watergate Lesson
I was watching a special this week on Watergate, and I thought it would make a great illustration. Then I realized half of you don't even know what Watergate is — you're too young. So let me tee it up.
Watergate is the name attached to an event that occurred in 1972, when the Committee to Re-elect the President — CREEP — broke into and bugged the Democratic National Headquarters, located in the Watergate office complex. These men were caught, and it was discovered that a trail led all the way back to the White House, to the President's office. It didn't necessarily prove Nixon was in on the break-in plan, but it became clear he was in on the cover-up. It was dumb, and it was blind.
One of his aides said: "The problem with the President is that he didn't have adversaries — he had enemies." That is exactly what Paul is saying here. Don't have enemies. You are going to be in adversarial relationships, but don't turn that person into an enemy. Leave room for God's wrath. "Vengeance is mine," He says. He will resolve it. I don't know how — is He going to zap them? I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's His job to balance the books, not mine.
Feed Your Enemy — The Call to Active Goodness
But Paul doesn't just move you to neutral. Verse 20: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him." Are you telling me that in verse 19, if someone does wrong to me, I'm supposed to just sit there and take it? I'm not telling you that. That would actually be easier than what we're being told here. We're being told: if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. It's an act of goodness. If there is a need, bless them. God has blessed you, and now you bless the people around you.
"For in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." There is a lot of controversy about what that means. Is it that by treating him kindly, God will be more vengeful toward him? Or that by treating him kindly, you will bring shame to him? Or — and this could well be it — that by responding this way, he will see goodness, and the goodness will overcome the evil? That last interpretation seems consistent with the summary statement in verse 21, which is the theme of the entire section: "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
The Supernatural Demand
You control yourself. Don't get swept away in this. The most natural thing in the world is: I don't get mad, I get even. That's not just American — that's the human race. Going back to the story of Jim Mullen, can you imagine what it would be like if we dealt with things this way? It's Gandhi's observation: an eye for an eye, and the world goes blind. It is to love that other person.
When I read this and begin to unpack it, I have two reactions. Here is the first one: I don't want to do it. This is very hard. If I talk about the Christian life and do all the things you associate with it — Bible study, women's ministry, all the things in your bulletin — I can go, okay, I'll get busy. But then Paul says: I want you to not repay evil for evil. I want you to act in a way that is entirely supernatural. The supernatural doesn't fall for the trap of "I don't get mad, I get even." The supernatural says: I'm not going to get even.
The World's Mold vs. the Transformed Mind
I want you to know that I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "That might work in church, but in the real world, things don't work this way." Paul doesn't say, "Don't repay evil for evil, except in the real world." To me, this is really powerful teaching — and it's not mine, it's his. If you're a Christian and you're obsessed with vengeance and anger, it's only going to destroy you. I know this sounds trivial, but here it is: let it go. We've already stipulated that you've been done dirty. But the impulse to square it away is exactly what Paul is addressing.
Let me go back to the very beginning of Romans chapter 12, because this is what hit me in my study. Paul says this in Romans 12:1–2: "I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, present your bodies as a living sacrifice." The "therefore" there connects Romans chapters one through eleven with Romans 12. Because all of that is true, there is consequence to it. Because you were lost and you've been redeemed, and now nothing can separate you from the love of Christ, Paul says, "I want you to live this way."
The big challenge comes in verse two: "Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." That word translated "conformed" refers to an outward expression that doesn't reflect what's going on within — it's a masquerade. You aren't like the rest of the world, so don't act like it.
Let me give you three other translation paraphrases of verse two. The Amplified Bible: "Don't be conformed to this age, fashioned after and adapted to an external superficial custom. Be transformed, changed, by the entire renewal of your mind, its new ideals, new attitudes." The J.B. Phillips paraphrase: "Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold, but let God remold you." The Living Bible: "Don't copy the behavior and the customs of the world."
"I Don't Get Mad, I Get Even"
We can talk about all sorts of things associated with worldly conformity, but let me tell you what's on the list today. Here is how the world says it: "I don't get mad, I get even." Don't copy that behavior. Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold.
Picture going to work tomorrow and someone asks what you did yesterday. You say you went to church. They ask what happened there. You tell them the pastor talked about how we don't get mad and we don't get even — we absorb the blow. And they say, "Let me tell you something, pal. If you're going to be a salesman in this office, you can't be going around saying everything will all work out." The world is going to try to squeeze you into that mold. It's going to tell you to go to your manager and say, "If they cheat, we cheat. They took advantage of us, so we get them." Paul says that is typical natural thinking — and because you have a new heart, you don't think that way anymore.
Do you see the transformational power of this? "Be transformed" means we are commanded to allow ourselves to be changed outwardly into conformity from within. We begin to look redeemed. Imagine a marriage filled with all kinds of pressure — and I'm not denying the pressure, and I'm not denying that the other person has put it to you — but all of a sudden you respond with grace anyway. That's the change Paul is describing.
No Exceptions, No Expiration Date
I know this is real and I know it's difficult, especially when you've been dealing with it year after year. But look at the language — it's all-inclusive. It doesn't have any exceptions and it doesn't have an expiration date. Paul doesn't say, "Don't repay evil for evil unless she does this or he does that."
Almost every time I've been in a counseling or arbitration-type situation, the person will say, "All right, I can see where this would be helpful." Then they ask, "How long do I have to do this?" The answer is: until you die. And that may be a new prayer request for some of you, because I understand how miserable this is.
I don't want to give you any wiggle room here. I'm not talking about ISIS. I'm talking about the person who was in your head twenty minutes ago — the person across the table from you at dinner, the person who shows up on holidays, the person at work. You're going to be able to apply this before you get out of the parking lot today.
You Can't — But the Holy Spirit Can
I told you I had two reactions when I first read this passage. The first was, "I don't want to do this." The second was, "I can't do this." And that's exactly right. Ephesians 5:18 makes clear that although we aspire to this outward change, it can be accomplished only through the Holy Spirit working in us.
Now, I'll be honest — there's a phrase that drives me a little nuts, and that is, "I can't do this, but the Holy Spirit can do it in me." And then comes Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." I was up at 3:30 this morning watching a sporting event before it was time to pray and get ready to come here, and one of the participants had Philippians 4:13 printed on his trunks.
Philippians 4:13 in Context
He doesn't have the verse, he just has Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." That does not mean I can leap a tall building in a single bound, move faster than a speeding bullet, or be more powerful than a locomotive. Some of you have this on your mirror or your screensaver as a motto — "I can do anything" — but that is not what it is talking about. It is talking about something far tougher than winning a ball game.
In context, Paul is saying: I have learned to live with a lot, I have learned to live with a little, I have learned to not repay evil for evil. I can be the man or woman God has called me to be. But how can I do that?
Forgiveness Rooted in What Christ Has Done
Ephesians 4:32 tells us: "Be kind, tender-hearted to one another, forgiving each other just as God in Christ has forgiven you." As you begin to deal with someone who has wronged you, and you understand they are guilty and you do not think they deserve forgiveness, you extend forgiveness because you understand as a follower of Christ how much forgiveness has been given to you.
Romans 5, verses 6, 8, and 10 highlights three words that describe us before a relationship with Christ: helpless, sinners, and enemies. While you were helpless — while you hated God, you may have liked religion, but you hated God — Christ died for you. God demonstrated real love in that moment.
Think about what that means. You talk about someone being mistreated; however mistreated you have ever been, it does not compare to the injustice done to Christ. The God-man who never sinned was treated as though He were guilty and received the punishment for all of our sins. In that moment, God forgave you. So now you look at those around you and say, "I can forgive them."
The Story of Joseph
There is a powerful moment in the life of Joseph. Joseph is his father's favorite son, and the other brothers know it. They are jealous of him, and one day when they are out in a field far from home, one of them says, "Let's kill Joseph." Another says, "No — let's make a dollar out of this. Kill him and there's no benefit. Let's sell him." So they sell him into slavery. He is then sold to Potiphar, falsely accused by Potiphar's wife, and ends up in a dungeon in Egypt.
Egypt is the most powerful nation in the world, and a famine comes upon the world. Because of Joseph's wisdom, there is food in Egypt and nowhere else. Joseph's brothers — the very ones who sold him into slavery — come to Egypt to get food, and they find themselves standing before Joseph. He recognizes them and lets them go. They come back again, and he reveals himself to them, and the brothers are afraid.
You know why they are afraid? Because their own mantra is "I don't get mad, I get even," so they assume Joseph will operate the same way. But Joseph says in Genesis 50:20: "As for you, you meant it for evil. God meant it for good in order to bring this present result."
Living This Way Has a Cost
In your own life, as you begin to live this way, I understand the objection: "If I live this way, aren't people going to take advantage of me?" Here is the honest answer — yes. This is not about developing a approach that leaves you without any ramifications. If you start to love someone this way, they may run over you. Maybe. Probably. But then again, you are not supposed to be keeping score. You are supposed to overcome evil with good.
Our Hope Is Rooted in God
"I don't know if I can do this." That brings me to the closing thought I have been using throughout this series — our hope is rooted in the character of God, the promises of God, the sovereignty of God, and the faithfulness of God. That is our hope in the world. It does not mean circumstances are irrelevant — they matter — but ultimately my hope is not in any political figure or outcome. My hope is in the character of God.
If I live this way, will there be human ramifications? Maybe. But God has called me to live this way, and I can trust His character, His promises, His sovereignty, and His faithfulness. Because He lives — as we sang it — I can face tomorrow. Leaning on the everlasting arms, that is how you get through a day. Not by squaring accounts yourself, but by trusting God to do that.
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This is a tough lesson. Let's pray that God will apply it to our hearts.
God, do this work in our lives. I look at it and I confess I am overwhelmed. I don't think I can do this. I don't even know if I want to do it. God, give me the desire to live this way, and then fill me with Your Spirit, who will give me the power to live this way. We pray it in Christ's name, amen.