Build One Another Up

Drawing from Romans 15:1-7 and 1 Corinthians 13, Tom Shrader addresses the long-standing tension in the church over matters of personal preference rather than clear moral commands, arguing that the strong are obligated to yield to the weak rather than please themselves. He roots this call in the example of Christ, who did not seek His own will, and in a hope anchored in the character, promises, sovereignty, and faithfulness of God. Working through the fifteen characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13, Tom shows that love bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things, and that unity in the body depends not on resolving every disagreement but on each believer choosing the welfare of others over their own.

“Love bears whatever otherwise is unbearable. It believes what is otherwise unbelievable. It hopes in what otherwise is hopeless. It endures when anything less than love would give up.”

— Tom Shrader

Series: Redemption Gateway

Recorded: 2014 at Redemption Gateway

Duration: 41 min

Themes: unity, love, bearing with others, serving others, hope, selflessness, church conflict, encouragement, navigating conflict, struggling with pride, feeling overlooked, new believer, young adult, husband, mentor, dealing with disagreement

Scripture: Romans 14:21, Romans 15:1-7, Psalm 69, Romans 12:18, Romans 14:19, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Philippians 1:6, Philippians 2:5-7, Isaiah 5:20, Matthew 20:28

Theological Themes: sanctification, agape love, christology, imitation of christ, Christian liberty, soteriology, ecclesiology, covenant faithfulness

Full Transcript

Introduction and Context

We are continuing a discussion that Paul began in chapter 14 and carries directly into chapter 15. There are no chapter or verse breaks in the original text, and so when we hit chapter 15, we might feel as though something new is beginning — but it is not. The thought continues seamlessly. Ray Stedman writes of this passage: "We are into the 15th chapter of the epistle of Romans, and Paul is concluding his discussion on the different views on what's right and what's wrong for Christians."

The Nature of Preference Issues

Is it morally right for a Christian to drink wine, beer, or booze? Is it morally wrong for a Christian to keep special days such as Lent or others? Is it morally wrong for a believer to smoke? Is it morally wrong to eat pork? These are questions that Christians have asked through the years, and the list goes on extensively.

What we are dealing with here — and this is really important — are issues of preference. Paul is not saying there is something wrong that someone else says is right, and that you must now condone or tolerate it. He is saying these are the kinds of issues Christians have been arguing, debating, and discussing forever. I was a Christian a nanosecond before the discussion began about whether it is right to go to an R-rated movie. There was a whole group of people who were hardcore — no R-rated movies. Then came out *The Passion of the Christ*, rated R, and those same churches that had said no were selling block tickets and renting theaters for people to go see it. You have to be very careful in all of these things.

The Repetition Paul Intends

If you have been here for the last several weeks, your reaction as this passage was read may have been, "Here we go again." Most of us do not like repetition. It is like telling a child to pick up their room. "I heard you." "Well, evidently not — you didn't do it." You hand your teenager the keys to the car and say, "Drive carefully." "I heard you." And yet Paul comes again with something extraordinarily repetitious.

Consider verse 21 of chapter 14: "It is not good to eat meat or to drink wine or to do anything by which your brother stumbles. The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin." Paul essentially continues this same thought in chapter 15, verses 1 and 2. The division is there in our printed Bibles, but the thought continues without interruption.

Strong and Weak — What Paul Means

If you have been following along these past several weeks, you may find yourself, as I have, wanting someone to just give you the answers. Tell me what is right. Tell me what is wrong. Paul does not give you that, and I am not going to give it to you either.

What he does give us is this language in verse 1: "We who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength." Immediately we are drawn into a discussion of what is strong and what is mature, and inevitably the desire arises to determine who is right and who is wrong. But Paul uses the word "ought," which carries the basic idea of owing a debt or an obligation. Those who are strong ought to bear — which literally means to pick up or to carry — the weaknesses of other believers. This is not simply tolerating them. It means not being critical, not being condescending, but rather showing

Bearing With One Another

This is a very difficult way to live. John Piper writes, "We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, not to please ourselves." That is a key phrase in verse one — this is not about pleasing ourselves. In these discussions, since they are not a right or wrong issue, we need to live in unity.

We live in a world filled with debate, and it does not matter what the topic is. Turn on a sports show and there is one guy yelling about this and another guy yelling about that. Turn on a political show and it gets to the point where you have four people talking at once. We are down to cooking shows where they are debating the right way to cook. Now we come to these issues and we have to live with an enormous amount of tension.

There is no ultimate resolution to this in the sense of something being fully resolved. Paul seems to be saying this tension is with you, it has been with you, it will be with you, and your aim is to build the other person up, not tear him down. Chapter 12, verse 18, Paul says, "As far as it depends upon you, if it is possible, live at peace with one another." Chapter 14, verse 19, we are to pursue things which make for peace, to build up. The last part of what Josh read, in verse six and seven, calls us to be of one accord, one voice, to accept one another, and to live in unity — that is the ultimate aim.

Not Moral Issues

We cannot wipe away these differences. And because I know this can easily be misunderstood, let me be clear and repetitive on this point: we are not talking about moral issues. We at Redemption Church, all eight campuses, have taken the stand that adultery is wrong — it is not open for debate. That is not the kind of issue we are discussing here.

We are talking about real life issues that you flesh out every day — not issues that are mandated in Scripture, but issues that are optional and preferential. And the church, for years, has fought and divided over these kinds of issues. Here is one to illustrate the point, and please — you do not need to send your emails or criticisms to Luke; he is the one who invited me in, so do not email me — but here it is: Halloween.

Every year at church, I would get a call asking what my stand on Halloween was. I began by saying I was a Baby Ruth and Butterfingers kind of guy — that was my stand. I would say we trick-or-treated every year and never sacrificed a baby at the end of it, so what was the big deal? But then I met a dear friend for whom Halloween was a very big deal. He came from a background where it conjured up all sorts of wrong and satanic things connected to paganism he had been involved in. He said, "Tom, I know exactly what you are saying, but I have to tell you, this is a tough deal for me."

We encounter these kinds of issues all the time. What do we do in those moments? There is a sense in which I am saying I cannot wipe away these differences, and I do not want to pretend they do not exist. But here is how we resolve them — in verses 3 and 4, with Christ as the example and Scripture as our guide.

Coexisting With Differences

We acknowledge that these differences exist, and we coexist with them. You have them all around you. You are sitting here and you have a friend in your redemption group, and you two flat-out disagree on something. Maybe your decision is which wine is best, and his position is that he cannot believe you drink at all. What do you do in those moments?

What Paul is saying is that you yield to one another. You cannot violate your conscience, but you also cannot drive him or her to violate theirs. And your example — and I want to take this and make it bigger and bigger — your example is Christ. Verse 3: "For even Christ did not please Himself." Then Paul quotes from the Old Testament, from Psalm 69: "The reproaches of those who reproach You fell on Me." He continues, "For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." Perseverance carries the idea of faithful obedience, and through that encouragement, we have hope.

Our Hope Is Anchored in God

When we hear the word hope, we need to make sure we understand it — not in the typical sense in which we use it. You might say, "I hope the Hawkeyes win this week." What you mean is something uncertain about the future — something that might happen, but might not. When the Bible talks about hope, it is talking about something rock solid.

Our hope is anchored in the character of God, the promises of God, the sovereignty of God, and the faithfulness of God. Our hope is not in the Republicans, the Democrats, the Libertarians, or the Independents. Our hope is not in any human institution. Our fundamental problem is not an educational problem. It is not an economic problem. Our fundamental problem is a spiritual problem, and our hope rests in who God is — His character, His promises, His sovereignty, and His faithfulness.

God's Promises and Our Selfish Nature

"I'll never leave you or forsake you." He is sovereign, which means He has control over the whole universe. There is no maverick molecule loose anywhere in the universe that can usurp His plan. And He is faithful. He who began a good work will continue it till the day of Christ Jesus — Philippians 1:6.

At the end of Romans, Paul asks, "What can separate us from the love of God? What can separate us from the love of Christ?" Not our love for Him, but His love for us. He lists all these things and concludes that neither death nor any other created thing — that is, anything other than God Himself — can separate us from God. He began that good work. Your future, your hope, your perseverance, your encouragement is in God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Here is the problem. We live in a selfish world, and we are selfish people. We come to Christ in repentance and faith, and we are maybe less selfish — certainly more forgiven. But into every human relationship, whether it is marriage, work, or church, we bring our desire for our own stuff. Paul says in Philippians 2 that by nature we are children of wrath.

If you are wondering what that means, go look right now in the two-year-old room. Find a kid sitting in the corner with a toy. He is not bothering anybody, but his presence with that toy offends every other two-year-old. Pretty soon another child comes over and says — and you did not need coaching on this one — "Mine. No, mine. No, mine." You were born knowing that word.

The "What About Me?" Problem

I used to travel a lot, and I would almost always bring something home for my two daughters — usually a T-shirt, not very creative, but they were always around. Inevitably one of them would be elsewhere in the house when I was unpacking, so I would call the first one in. The moment the second one saw what the first had received, she would say, "What about me?" Here is what I observed: it was not a particular daughter's trait. Whichever one arrived second said the same thing.

What I need you to understand is that I bring into all of life, including the church, that same "What about me?" Some of you are here because when you came into this church you asked exactly that question and answered it by saying this place meets my needs. That is good — but what happens when your needs change? That becomes the end of the relationship.

You cannot sustain a marriage on "What about me?" No human relationship will work with that as its foundation.

Two Essential Qualities: Love and Humility

With the time we have, I want to take you to two qualities that are absolutely essential in human relationships: love and humility. When we talk about love, the conversation can easily get sidetracked. I went online — which is always dangerous — and searched the single word "love." I got 17,215,250 entries, and these were just quotes people had submitted.

Some examples: "When it rains, look for a rainbow." "To see unconditional love, look in the eyes of a child." "Love is like a rose — the special ones grow in winter." "Love is like a rhinoceros — short and hasty; if it cannot find its way, it makes a way." And then this one: "For a while I thought I would never love or hate anyone, but now I've come to realize I've loved and hated the same person." That one makes for both a good lawsuit and a criminal reaction.

So what is love from a biblical perspective? Turn with me to 1 Corinthians 13, beginning in verse 4. That is the biblical definition of love. My question is not so much the science of it as the art of it — how do I actually do this? How do I do it when I am sitting in a room, having a cup of coffee, talking with someone, and we disagree? What is my attitude to be?

Paul already told you: you have the attitude in you that is in Christ Jesus. We will look at that passage specifically in a moment, but first let us work through what love actually is. When you look into someone's eyes and say "I love you," what do you mean? Most of us mean: "I like you a lot, to the point that I will endure an awful lot, but you need to know I have limits." Most of us mean: "I love you if" or "I love you when."

The Characteristics of Love in 1 Corinthians 13

Here is what Paul says love is. He lists, I count, fifteen characteristics. First, love is patient. It is an active word, used in the Greek New Testament specifically to describe patience with people. There are distinct words for patience with circumstances and patience with people — this is the one for people. It means long-suffering, long-tempered. Love is patient with the very people who test your patience.

Love is kind. It means to be useful, serving, gracious. Its primary concern is the welfare of others. Here is a line worth writing down: love is more willing to be taken advantage of than to take advantage. It would rather allow someone to take advantage of it than turn around and take advantage of someone else. Love does not merely tolerate — it is patient.

Sandy and I have been married 29 months. Shortly after we were married I got sick — I am still sick, though I may not look it. I developed lupus, which primarily strikes women between 18 and 35, accounting for about 90% of cases. I told Sandy I could not wait for my first support group. Then in January I had open-heart surgery. I am not saying this so you feel sorry for me — though this would be a good moment for that. Two weeks into recovery, I was...

Love Is Patient and Kind

When I came home from the hospital in January, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't get out of the car. I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't take a shower. Sandy had to wash me and clean me. People said, "Sandy didn't sign up for this." And I said, yes, she did. I was there. Here's what she said — maybe you said this too: "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part." She didn't think it was going to come in two weeks, but she was put in an extraordinarily difficult position.

Love is patient, long-suffering. Love says, "Yes, I did sign up for this." It's not doing something out of duty, but doing it out of compassion.

Love is kind. It means to be of service — it's the counterpart of patience. The first test of this, I think, is at home. Lots of guys I know are kinder to a server in a restaurant than they are to their wife in the house. Lots of families seem to operate under jungle rules — grabbing for food, and once something drops in the middle of the table, all the rules are off.

I've done a lot of weddings, and every time, in the counseling before the wedding, the hard part is that the bride and groom think they're the exception. "For better or worse — we're never going to have worse." Every couple getting ready to be married should watch *The Notebook*. That is your future. That is where you're headed. And in those moments, love is patient, long-suffering, and kind.

Love Is Not Jealous and Does Not Brag

Love is not jealous. Jealousy is to have a strong desire, and there are two sides to it — and this is going to expose every one of your hearts. Jealousy is typically associated with the idea of wanting what someone else has. But there's another side: it's not that I want it — I just wish you didn't have it. I see you with something you seem to value, and suddenly I don't want you to have it, not because I want it myself, but because I don't want you to have that sense of satisfaction.

Love doesn't brag. It's the only time that word is used in the New Testament. Bragging is the other side of jealousy — it's my attempt to make you jealous, to puff up my résumé and impress you. This is one of those things we hate in other people and can't see in ourselves. My kid's an honor student at whatever school — what's the point of that bumper sticker? If you're proud of your kid, take him to Dairy Queen, get him a Blizzard, and say, "I'm proud of you." I never see a bumper sticker that says "My kid's an average student" — and by definition, most people should have that one. But we brag because we want others to be jealous of us. Why? Because we are sinful people.

Love is not arrogant, overbearing, or haughty — not looking down at others. Napoleon is quoted as saying, "I am not a man like any other." Love does not act unbecomingly — it is not poor-mannered or rude. I was at the bookstore the other day, standing there looking at books, and somebody walked right between me and the shelf. I wanted to say, "Am I invisible?" The most common, loving thing to do is simply to say, "Excuse me." Or, if you're truly being loving and you don't need that aisle, you inconvenience yourself by walking all the way around to the other side. Love is not rude. It doesn't act gracelessly.

The Centerpiece: Love Does Not Seek Its Own

Here is the key — if you're marking in your Bible, this is the centerpiece of the whole passage. Verse five: love does not seek its own. It is not stubborn and inflexible, saying, "You adjust to me."

I mentioned Larry earlier. Larry wrote poetry, and I loved his poetry because I could understand it. Here's one of his poems. It's called "When Things Are Going My Way":

*How easy it is to be loving, to be kind, tenderhearted each day. I'm so wonderfully easy to live with when things are going my way. When things are going my way, I'm as sweet as sweetness can be. I can't understand, as hard as I try, why others aren't caring like me. Be careful that you don't upset me, don't cross me or cause me dismay, or I won't love you the way that I do when things are going my way.*

I understand that poetry. Love doesn't seek its own. In every discussion and every incident with Sandy, it's not me asking what I can get out of it. It's not me loving her while seeing her as an object there to make me happy. Whether it's my kids, at work, with a customer, a neighbor — whoever it is — the key is to say, "This is not about me."

We talked earlier about two-year-olds, about the kids in the T-shirts, and you spotted it — yet your whole life is spent looking at every circumstance and asking, "What about me?" There ought to be a sense of two people at a door saying, "You go first." "No, you go first." "No, you go first." — backed all the way into the lobby because neither one can bear to put themselves ahead of the other. That is love. That is what Paul has been talking about. That is living in peace with one another. As Matthew 20:28 says, "The Son of Man did not come to be served, but —"

Love Is Not Provoked and Does Not Keep Score

In a world where we are desperately seeking our rights, Jesus comes along and His example is: not My rights, not My will, but the Father's will be done. Love is not provoked — that means it is not easily aroused to anger. Love does not take into account a wrong suffered. That phrase is a bookkeeping term; it calculates, reckons, figures, keeps a ledger. Simply put, love does not keep score.

There is the man who says, "When my wife and I fight, she doesn't get hysterical — she gets historical." Remember back in 1985? Remember that fall day? You had on that green sweater, which I've always hated, and those khaki slacks. Love doesn't operate that way. Love is not saying, "I'll do this, and we're going to keep score, and then we're going to balance out at the end."

I've sat with couples who are arguing and fighting, and all of a sudden one of them will have a breakthrough and say, "All right, I see what I'm supposed to do." Then comes the next question: "How long do I need to do it? What if he doesn't respond?" The definition doesn't say anything about whether the other person responds. Love is not keeping score.

Love Does Not Rejoice in Unrighteousness

Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness. It takes no satisfaction in sin. Isaiah chapter 5, verse 20 says, "Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who substitute darkness for light and lightness for darkness." It is not necessarily a matter of going out and participating in evil — it is laughing at what God calls evil.

The antidote, found at the bottom of verse 6, is that love rejoices in truth. It loves the proclamation of truth. It loves to hear what God has to say and what is true.

Love Bears, Believes, Hopes, and Endures

If we take all of this and bundle it together, the question becomes: how do we survive in relationships where we are called to yield? First Corinthians chapter 13, verse 7 tells us: "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Love bears all things. "Bears" means literally to cover, to support, to protect — to protect others from exposure and ridicule and harm. Love does not gossip or listen to gossip. Even when sin is certain, love tries to correct it with the least possible hurt and harm to the guilty person. Love never protects sin, but it is anxious to protect the sinner.

Imagine what that looks like in practice. When somebody starts a sentence with, "I probably shouldn't tell you about this," your answer should be stop. When someone says, "Josh told me something and I told him I wouldn't tell anybody, but—" you have to say stop. And then make a list, because you don't want to share too much with that person.

Love believes all things. Love is not cynical or suspicious. When it throws its mantle over a wrong, it always believes in the best outcome for the one who has done the wrong. Love always believes there is another way.

Love hopes all things. Even when belief in the loved one's goodness or repentance is shattered, love still hopes. When it runs out of faith, it holds on to hope. As long as God's grace is operative in human life, failure is never fatal. I think back to when Josh was asking about the Bible study and I had said no one invited me. A couple of months later I went back and asked the guys why they hadn't invited me. They said, "It never occurred to us that God would save somebody like you." Love says nobody is outside God's gracious grasp. A few years ago I was at Cannon Beach, teaching up by the ocean, and a kid walking down the street said, "I'm the wretch the song is about." That is who we are. That is the people around us. God does these amazing things — He saves people like you. That is the whole point.

Endurance: The Unending Climax of Love

Love endures all things. "Endures" is a military term. It is used of an army holding a vital position at all costs. Every hardship, every suffering is endured in order to hold fast. It endures all things at all costs. It stands against overwhelming opposition.

Here is the summary: love bears whatever is otherwise unbearable. It believes what is otherwise unbelievable. It hopes in what otherwise appears hopeless. It endures when anything less than love would give up. After love bears, it believes. After it believes, it hopes. After it hopes, it endures. There is no "after endurance," for endurance is the unending climax of love.

The Summation: It Is Not About You

You who are strong — do what is best for those who are weak. It is not about you. This is the summation of what Paul has been saying since chapter 12. He is saying this is not about strategy, about getting your own way. There are things you are never going to resolve. So what do you do? You love the other person. You yield to them.

The example is Christ Himself. Philippians 2:5 says, "Have the attitude in you that was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself and took the form of a bondservant." Paul has given this instruction on how to live as a church, and what he is saying is that your main concern is not you. Your main concern is Christ and His glory. And Christ is glorified when we are unified.

Father, thank You for this amazing truth. We are selfish by nature, children of wrath, and our desire is to have and to want all of our own things. God, change our heart and change our mind. Let us be concerned about Your way, about what is truly right. In these areas of preference, let us yield to one another. We pray to You this morning in Jesus' name. Amen.