What a Man Needs from a Woman
Tom Shrader teaches the second part of a two-week series on marriage needs, focusing on what husbands need from wives. Drawing primarily from Ephesians 5:22, he identifies three key needs: respect (men need to feel like their wife's hero), sexual fulfillment (as outlined in 1 Corinthians 7), and domestic tranquility (peace at home). He emphasizes that biblical submission is fundamentally an attitude of the heart toward God, not about inferiority but about different roles within marriage.
“Ladies, when somebody says to you, how you doing spiritually? One of the things you have to evaluate as you answer that question is, are you submitting to your husband?”
— Tom Shrader
Series: His Needs/Her Needs
Recorded: July 20, 2000
Duration: 38 min
Themes: marriage, respect, submission, sexuality, peace, husband, wife, roles, married couple, husband, wife, struggling marriage, newlywed, marriage conflict, seeking respect, domestic issues
Scripture: Ephesians 5:22, Ephesians 5:25, 1 Timothy 5:8, 1 Corinthians 7, Titus 2, Ephesians 6:10, Romans 13
Theological Themes: biblical submission, marriage roles, ephesians 5, marital authority, domestic tranquility, sexual fulfillment, biblical marriage, gender roles
Full Transcript
As we head to the summer break, we're doing a special two weeks on Her Needs, His Needs. We flipped the title a little bit. Last week we looked at what a woman needs from a man, and who better to teach it than me. It just seems appropriate that I would know that after all of these years.
Let me remind you a little bit what we said. As you looked at the scripture, you got a job description for what a godly husband ought to be. Rather than guess, or take a survey from Cosmopolitan, or ask a sociologist what women need, let's do this: What does God say a husband should be? The idea is that what He says a husband should be would meet the needs that a woman has. What we looked at last week is indeed we think that is true.
Here's what scripture says about the job description of a husband. Number one, he's a provider (1 Timothy 5:8). Number two, he's the teacher. Number three, he's to be the leader. Then we spent a lot of time on the fourth area: he's to be a lover. "Husbands love your wives" (Ephesians 5:25).
The Nature of a Husband's Love
We said that love was a sacrificial love that said, "I'm willing to set aside not only my own well-being in that I'm ready to die for you, but I'm actually ready to live for you." It's a cleansing love. A husband is concerned about the purity and the holiness of his wife. It's a nurturing love. The picture that Paul uses is: just as you love your own body, you are to love your wife.
Some have distorted this to say you can't love others until you love yourself. That's not what he's saying. What he's saying is the most natural thing in the world when you're hungry is to make sure you eat, when you're tired is to make sure you rest. He says, just as you care for yourself, have that care for your wife. Lastly, this love is a permanent love. A man shall leave his father and mother, cleave to his wife, and the two become one flesh.
What we said at the end is, in these four areas—provider, teacher, leader, lover—we see God through this design meeting some primary needs that the woman has. The need for financial security. The need for communication, because this whole process of teaching is not just me speaking, it's communication back and forth. It's the leadership role that says, "Here's what's going to happen, here's how we're going to do this," and there's security in that. Then this idea of a lover, and we said that the number one need that women seem to have is for affection.
When they say affection, they don't just mean physically. It means there's flowers, and there's romance, and all this other stuff that they think they need for some reason. But all that aside, let's get down to the real important thing.
What Does a Man Need from a Woman?
What does a man need from a woman? I made the same error there that I made last week, so I'm going to use the terms interchangeably, but understand what we're saying. This is what a husband needs from a wife. What does a husband need from a wife?
I'll let you take a second, and maybe just get in your mind the top two or three things that a husband needs from a wife. Some of you have been around for a while, so this exercise may not be new to you, therefore you're going to nail this cold. Take a second, and maybe in your mind, come up with a list of two or three things that a husband needs from a wife.
What would you think those top two or three things would be? Encouragement. Companionship. Respect. Trust. Oneness. Where's sex in this thing?
The Top Five Needs According to Research
Here is what we used last week from a book called His Needs, Her Needs. Here's the top five things that Willard Harley says: Number one, respect, and I do think that's it. Number two, sexual fulfillment. Number three, recreational companionship. Number four, an attractive spouse, and he does not mean this beautiful woman, but well-kept, attractive, that kind of thing. Number five, domestic support.
Here's what I've done in the past when I've taught this. I play Phil Collins singing "A Groovy Kind of Love," because in this song are what I use as the three things that a man needs. Here's where Collins says at the very beginning: "When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do is take a look at you, and then I'm not so blue. When you're close to me, I can feel your heartbeat, I can hear you breathing in my ear. Wouldn't you agree, baby, you and me got a groovy kind of love."
The Nancy Reagan Gaze
Here's what I think is in there, and when I hear this, I see him holding her, I hear this intimacy. It's not quite sexual intimacy. I do think it's that area of respect. I'll give you a little tip, gals. Every husband desires his wife to look at him with that Nancy Reagan gaze. I was just watching some video the other day, and there was a time where he's...
I don't even know where he was giving this speech, and there's that classic Nancy Reagan gaze. It's that gaze that says, "You know what, I know that there's other things going on, but it really doesn't matter, because it's you. That's all I really care about."
There's a classic scene in On Golden Pond where Henry Fonda and his wife come and open up the cabin. There's some pictures as they open it up, and there he is swimming as a robust young man, and then his business career. He goes out to pick berries, and he's out picking berries, and all of a sudden he's disoriented. He comes racing back, perspiring, with a bucket that has one berry in it, and he sits down on the porch. Catherine Hepburn comes up behind him and basically says, "What's wrong?" He's communicating, "I can't even pick berries anymore." She puts her arms around him and says, "You're my knight in shining armor, and I'll always love you." In the midst of this, it's almost like they just stuck an air hose into him and pumped the life back into him.
Understanding Men's Need for Respect
I assume, ladies, you have figured out that men are essentially 90% ego, and that ego desperately needs to be stroked. That explains his somewhat irrational behavior. So you're in a car, and you're going to somebody's house—it's a house that you've been to a dozen times, he's never been to, he's a little confused. You're at a stoplight, he's clearly lost, and you say to him, "Turn right." At that moment, he only has three options: straight, left, and reverse, because there's no way that he's going to go right. You've robbed him. You've made it impossible for him to make the right decision. It's your fault at that point. So he will go left. He will go left until left becomes a right. That's what he will do in that process.
Susan and I one day were on summer vacation around this time of year in San Francisco at rush hour. We used to rent, because we travel very heavy—we used to travel with a huge suitcase of just toys for kids—we used to always rent the Lincoln. You used to be able to rent a Lincoln Town Car for like $139 a week; it was cheaper than most cars. You didn't have vans and stuff then, so we always rented the Lincoln. The streets in San Francisco are about this wide, and we're lost. We've got to get to the airport, SFO, to catch a flight. It's rush hour. We've missed our turn. Susan has the map.
I'm saying, "How hard can it be to read the map?" She's saying, "Here, why don't you read it?" I said, "Clearly I'm driving. All I'm asking you to do is understand the next street." There's a guy behind me that's just pounding on the horn. I'm saying to him, "I'm driving the Queen Mary here. I'm doing the best I can." He went around me, flipped me off, and had a bumper sticker that says "Visualize World Peace," which I thought was interesting.
We're at about 3rd and 4th Street and Mission. There's a Chevron station there. She's saying, "Just go in there and ask that guy where we are." I'm saying, "Look, he doesn't even speak English. Read the map. You got the map." That's the point. Even in the midst of all of that—and I remember looking in the back, and the girls' eyes were probably this big; I don't think they'd ever seen me quite as boisterous as I was at that moment—see, that explains all of this. He needs from you that respect.
The Damage of Disrespect
That's why I assume you ladies don't understand what you're doing to your husbands when you start talking about other people's new homes as compared to this little shack you live in. When you start to talk about so-and-so just got the job, and this guy just got a promotion, and you're still working for this—you're verbally castrating this guy. You're killing him.
He comes home from work, and it's the big appointment of the day and the big meeting, and you say, "Well, what did you say?" He tells you, and you say, "What did he say?" He says what the other person said, and you say, "What did you say?" Pretty soon you're going, "Why wouldn't you say this? Why didn't you do this? Why didn't you do this?" You're just destroying this guy.
Remember we made the point last week when I'm standing in the bookstore, and the lady comes up to me and says, "The problem with men today is they're wimps"? If you have a marriage where the husband's not leading, you have to ask yourself why. Oftentimes, you can look in the mirror and find the reason. You've driven him. You've humiliated him. You've explained to him. You know what it's like when somebody talks to you that way. You know when you talk to a child: "You can't do that, and you can't do that, and you can't do that." Pretty soon the kid says, "Hey, I can't do that." What you've communicated to this guy is those things that are so important to you, he can't provide them.
I will tell you, as a guy, understanding that guys are 90% ego, he needs your respect. He needs to know that it doesn't matter about anybody or anything else—he's your man.
The Second Need: Physical Intimacy
Here's the second thing: "When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do is take a look at you, and then I'm not so blue. When I kiss your lips, ooh, I start to shiver. Can't control the quivering inside. Wouldn't you agree, baby, you and me got a groovy kind of love."
Here's the second thing he needs: sex. It's so important, and I got all this stuff figured out. When you talk to women about affection and all this, if you say to a woman, "Does your husband love you?" she says, "Yes." "How do you know?" "Well, you should see what he does. You know what he did the other night? He cooked dinner for me and then sent me in and said, 'Go take a bubble bath or something, and I'll do the dishes.'" This is all theory, by the way. "And then when I came out, he had the kids to bed, and it was just great. And, you know, he brought me a flower." The other
day he called me from the office just to say, "Hey, I don't have time to talk. I'm just thinking of you. I really love you." There's a lot of mileage in that one right there. Guys, that's 15 seconds. There's a lot of mileage in that.
But now you say to a guy, "Does your wife love you?" He'll go, "Yeah." "How do you know?" "Five times a week. That's how I know. That's how I know she loves me." It's interesting. The scripture says in Titus 2, older women teach the younger women to love their husbands. That means not only to understand them. That means not only in that social way and all those other areas. Just as we talked about, does a woman need nurturing? Sure. Does a man need to be nurtured? Sure. But also to communicate - and I think it needs to be done - that a husband has physical needs, just as I presume a wife does as well.
Sexual Fulfillment in Marriage
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul's talking about this. He's writing to this church that has had their problems in the area of immorality. Here's what he says in 1 Corinthians 7: "Now concerning the things which you wrote, it's good for a man not to touch a woman." Now, he's not using husband-wife. He's talking about two people who aren't married. That term, "not to touch," is a euphemism for sexual intercourse. It's good for a man and woman who are single to not be involved sexually.
"But because of immoralities, because there's these desires, let each man have his own wife. Let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife. Likewise, the wife to the husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his body, but his wife does."
What he's talking about here is sexual fulfillment and the responsibility you have to meet the physical needs of your partner. He says this: "Stop depriving each other." Apparently in that church, there was a problem where you had celibate marriage. I've made that observation to you before. I see it a lot. We see a lot of sexually active singles and a lot of celibate marriage. I had a couple in my office not too long ago, and they were probably in their mid-30s, early 30s, had not had sex as this couple, as a married couple, in three years. That's a long time, by the way.
"Stop depriving one another, except by mutual consent that you may devote yourself to prayer, come together again, lest Satan tempt you." Here's what he's saying. I'm telling you one of - and I've said this before, and then all of you get all bent out of shape about this, so I've got to come back and back off and change the statement - but if not the primary reason, certainly the secondary or maybe tertiary reason to marry is sex. That's the point he's making.
I know this sounds so crass to you, but in my relationship with Susan, Susan got hit by a truck tomorrow. Everything she's doing, I could hire somebody to do. Now, not the companion thing, obviously. The one area that I could not replace with anybody but a wife is the sexual area. He says, you stop this. You need to be sexually active. The only reason to stop is for a time where you mutually agree upon it. So now nobody's using sex as a weapon here. Nobody's manipulating the other person. Tends to be women more than men. "When I have any sex, she's cut me off. She's working me here."
Except by mutual consent to pray. The only reason to stop here is to pray. And then come together, and he said, here's the reason. If you don't, Satan's going to move in and tempt you. His whole point is, listen, because of sexual immorality, you need to be married. Now you get married, and if you're not fulfilling yourselves in sexual relations in that marriage, Satan's going to come right in and drive a wedge, and he's going to work in that system.
Ladies, I'm going to give you a little tip here, and I think this is true. You will determine, by and large, the frequency and the quality of the sex in your marriage. You're the one who's holding that card generally. He's pretty much ready to go. I don't even know this guy, but I can pretty much guarantee you right about now, he's ready. So you're going to determine this. Here's the deal. It gets into this idea that we talked about in the area of just it's an attitudinal thing where he understands this. I think it's fairly closely related to the respect thing. We'll talk about it a little more in a second.
The Need for Domestic Tranquility
Here's the third thing. You're going to hate this, and I do think it's really true. When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do is take a look at you, and then I'm not so blue. When I'm in your arms, nothing seems to matter. My whole world can shatter. I don't care. Wouldn't you agree? Baby, you and me got a groovy kind of love.
Here's what he needs. When he's with you, he needs the world blocked out. I know this is not politically correct. I know any radical feminist - sorry to be redundant - will be in here, and I know they aren't going to like this, but I'll tell you what he needs. He needs domestic tranquility.
Let me read to you from that book, "His Needs, Her Needs." You're going to laugh. You gals are going to laugh at it. But it's true, I think. "So deep is a husband's need for domestic support from his wife that he often fantasizes about how she will greet him lovingly and pleasantly at the door, about well-behaved children who likewise act glad to see him and welcome to the comfort of a well-maintained house. The fantasy continues as his wife urges him to sit down and relax before taking part in a tasty meal, the aroma of which has already filled the air. Conversation at dinner includes nothing controversial. Later, the family goes together for an evening stroll, and he returns to put the children to bed with no hassle, no fuss. Then he and his wife relax and talk together, perhaps watch a little television,"
God's Design for Domestic Tranquility
A lot of wives may chuckle as they read this scenario, but I assure you it is quite common a fantasy for many husbands. The male need for his wife to "take care of things," especially him, is widespread, persistent, deep, and I don't see it changing radically in our generation. I'm just telling you that's true.
When I used to work at Coal Banker, I've never been a long hours kind of a guy, but periodically I'd be on a project or something where I'd have to be down there till 6:30 or 7 at night or something, not often, but sometimes. And every time it blew me away how many guys were sitting in the office. And I'd kind of wonder, guys, do you do this all the time? Are you working like this?
And then I'd watch them, and I'd realize they weren't really working. Here was what they were doing: they didn't want to go home. They were hoping that if they waited long enough, kind of all the hassle of dinner and the dinner hour and all the fighting and yelling and screaming would be done, and maybe these little rugrats would be tired enough that you could just stick them into bed in a half hour or so and not have to hassle with them. And then she needs her quiet time, and with any luck, she'll go and take a bath or something. You don't have to talk to her. By then, Frasier's on, and you can pretend you're asleep in the middle of the second one, and you got through the whole night without putting out any effort at all.
And I'm telling you, guys love the idea of a place that's tranquil at home. One of the great things Susan did for me in these last 23 years is make our house a home. Eliminate the hassle. Eliminate the arguing. Teach the children how to respond. When the girls were young, it's not an issue anymore, she would say to them, "Your dad's had a hard day. Just give him a little time. Let him watch the news." Guys need this desperately.
And I know we don't talk about it, and I know it's all this other stuff, and I know it's not politically correct, and I know many of you work as well. And all I'm here to do, don't shoot the messenger here, I'm just here to tell you this is what they need: respect and love and that domestic tranquility.
What God Says About This Need
But rather than listen to me or Phil Collins or guess, what's God say? Ed Young says this: "Only when a woman is comfortable in her God-given womanhood is she able to freely and completely love her husband and be for him all he needs her to be." What does he need?
If we apply to this the same reason we used last week, that God says here's the role of a woman, therefore we should have in place what a man needs most, we get this very quickly. Here's what He says, Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22. You know it: "Wives, submit to your husbands." The word means literally to line up under his headship.
Let's talk just briefly, because it's so easily misunderstood what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean that a man is superior to a woman. It's not about inferiority. It's not about value or status. It's about differing roles.
Understanding Biblical Submission Through the Trinity
Let me give you a great illustration of this: the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Absolutely equal, we know this. They're equal. Equal in value, equal in status. The Holy Spirit is just as much God as God the Father is, and the Son is just as much God as the Holy Spirit is. But differing in roles.
The Son says, "I do all that the Father asks me to do." The Son submits Himself to the direction of the Father, becomes obedient. Obedient, how obedient? To the point of death, even death on a cross. Equal in status, different in role.
Men and women are absolutely equal. That's not the issue. Nor is He, let me make the point again, nor is He talking about something that's in the workplace. He's not talking about male, female here. He's saying wives and husbands. In that situation, the wife submits, lines up under the authority of the husband.
The Challenge of Submission
And I know, I know how hard that is. I think I've shared with you before: first time I ever taught "wives to submit to your husband," we're in the car driving home, and I said to Susan, "What's wrong with these chicks that they're fighting this? I don't get this." And she said, "Well, maybe it's your attitude." And I said, "It's not that, what else? I know it's not that, it's not me, can't be me." And she said, "Tom, those are just hard things. Don't you understand that?" And I said, "It just says it, just do it. I mean, it isn't that hard. If it says it, we do it."
About three weeks later, we're teaching Romans 13: "Citizens submit to your government." And I got a little glimpse of what the problem was. Because the minute you hear submit to your government, you want to go, "What if the taxes aren't right? What if the government's making a bad decision? What if, what if, what if, what if?" Because I don't want to submit. Now I got a little sense of why the woman was going, "Why if he's not a good leader? What if he's not fulfilling? What if he isn't?"
See, our natural instinct is to fight and to rebel. That's where we're going to get at something here very, very, very important. The only reason for you to submit to your husband that we can make to you logically is because God says so. Your desire to usurp that authority leads you into spiritual battle. That's what's going on here.
The Context of Christian Living
The very book we're in, Ephesians, first three chapters are doctrinal, very much doctrinal. Chapter four says this: now because all that's true, because you're a Christian, because you've been chosen before the foundation, because all that's true, now walk—that means conduct yourself, set down a lifestyle—walk in a manner worthy of your calling.
And then He begins to talk about how you do that. He begins to lay that out in Ephesians five, He begins to talk about the fruit of the Spirit, or He begins to talk about the power of the Spirit: be filled with the Holy Spirit. As we talk about a body working together, Christians working together, He says, submit to one another. And then in chapter five, verse 22...
He now talks about the husband-wife relationship. By the way, it's really a mistake to take Ephesians 5:21, "submit to one another," and drag that into the marriage relationship. That's not what he's talking about. There's a clear change in the text. When he gets to 5:22, now he addresses wives: "You submit to your husbands." Husbands: "You love your wives." Children: "Obey your parents."
Why is this so hard? I'll tell you why, because the answer's right here in Ephesians 6:10. After he's laid all this out, he says, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against powers, against world forces of darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places."
This Is a Spiritual Issue
Ladies, when somebody says to you, "How are you doing spiritually?" one of the things you have to evaluate as you answer that question is: Are you submitting to your husband? This is a spiritual issue. It's not "me Tarzan, you Jane."
Here you go, and I caught a little heat again on this: Will you be abused in this relationship when you submit? I don't mean in some evil way. I don't mean physically. I mean, will he take advantage of you in certain situations? Yes! Yes, he will. I'm not saying "boys will be boys." I'm saying that's just the nature of the relationship. Just like, by the way, when I say to the husbands, "Love your wives," are there going to be times when she's not going to be lovable? You bet. Love her anyway.
The 50-50 Marriage Problem
Here's what we want to do. We want to say, "Well..." In fact, I'm going through this with a couple right now from our church who came in and wanted to meet. They're very concerned about this teaching right here, and very concerned about my stance and the stance of the church. They came in for the meeting, and when they did, you could see what was going to happen and pretty much understand it.
He said, "We're here to talk about your view and your teaching on submission and the role of women. Right, honey?" And she said, "Yes." I sensed I had the problem identified at that very moment. I don't mean to diminish that, but that's exactly what's going on.
Here's what they said: "We have a 50-50 marriage." I hear that a lot. "We got a 50-50 marriage." Well, you've got to ask a couple... So my question is: "What do you do when you disagree? What do you do when you just disagree?"
Now, listen to this answer: "Well, the one who feels most passionately gets what they want." Really? So the system for me getting what I want is to feel passionate and adamant about it? That ought to work real well. That ought to build a strong relationship. So we each amp up the ante because we get what we want.
I've had people say... I've had a couple say, "Well, he gets one decision, and then the next time there's a disagreement, I get it." So they have like a possession arrow, like in basketball, right there on the refrigerator.
Someone Has to Run the Ship
Now, somebody's got to run the ship. Have you ever been in a business situation where you have co-equal partners? You know what? It never works. It doesn't work. Somebody's got to have 50.0001% of it and another guy's got 49.0009% of it. Somebody's got to be in charge. Here's what God says: In the marriage relationship, it's the man.
As they begin to rebel against this, what I'm demonstrating here is that I've got a spiritual problem. Wives, if you don't want to submit to your husbands, you got a spiritual issue. Husbands, if you don't want to love your wives, you got a spiritual issue here. But since we talked about husbands last week, let's stay on the ladies here.
What Men Need from Women
Here's what this guy needs. He needs respect from you. He needs for you to communicate to him that he is your knight in shining armor, even though he's kind of clunking along as he's doing it. He needs sex.
I had a lady once, and she said, "I'll do that, but I'll tell you what: I'm doing it out of duty." I thought, "Wow, you know, that'll be great." I can just hear her laying there going, "Man, we need to paint the ceiling. This would be terrific. This would be ideal. I can just see how great this is going to be."
I told her... I know what she's saying is, "Well, don't do it then if you can't do it out of love." And I said, "Well, that's better than nothing. Wouldn't you agree?" And he said, "You bet." No guy's going to say, "Oh no, I don't want mercy sex." No guy's going to say this. He's going to say, "Sure, yeah, better than nothing. You bet. I'm up for that one. Let's go."
God spare us from a husband or a wife that's fulfilling their role out of duty, unless it's duty to Christ, at which point it changes our heart.
Submission Is an Attitude
I come back to this lady. Let me tell you something about submissiveness, ladies. I get the question: "Well, is Susan submissive to you?" Because many, most in here have never met Susan. So they'll say, "Is Susan submissive to you?" And I will say, "Yes." And they'll say, "Well, give me an example." And I will say, "I can't think of one."
Because submission, now get this, at its core is an attitude. It's just an attitude. You can spot... You can sit... You know, I know it's funny in church, because I know that I'm up front talking, but people must think they're invisible or something. I assume you should at least understand I can see you as well as you can see me. I can see attitude like you can see attitude.
Haven't you had that with a kid? Sure you have with a kid. They just got an attitude. What'd they do? They didn't do anything. They just got an attitude. Gals, you can come right in with that same thing: an attitude. Is she submitting? Is she respecting? Is she loving? Well, she's doing all these things. She's doing them on the outside, but inside she's standing up and raising her fist and saying, "I hate this." See, it's an attitude.
I'm telling you, the problem here, gals, is you.
The issue isn't the husband. It's you. And it's your problem with the Lord Jesus Christ. That's the problem. I understand how difficult it would be to submit to a husband that's consistently making stupid decisions, dumb decisions, risky decisions, bad decisions. I understand how hard it would be to submit to a guy who's not even in tune with the Lord. But you know what? That isn't the issue.
The issue is, wives, submit to your husbands, period. That's it. Not submit to him when he does well. Any mullet can do that. That's not a challenge. That's like the kid saying, "I ate all my ice cream tonight, Dad." Well, we're really proud of you. How are those green beans doing? Not so good. Well, eat the green beans, you idiot. See, I submit to him when he makes good decisions. That's not submitting at all.
The Cultural Context Argument
Ladies, I find a lot of you that want to just say, "Well, you know, that was cultural, and you need to understand, Tom, that was in a cultural setting that was different than ours." If you want to play that game, and you want to rip out "wives, submit to your husbands," then you need to keep tearing, and you need to rip out "husbands love your wives." It's funny how nobody wants to rip out Ephesians 5:25, "husbands love your wives." I never have anybody who wants to rip it out.
Why would you rip out one and not the other? Certainly not on biblical grounds. On your own selfish grounds. That's why you do that, because you're a modern girl. You've come a long way, baby. You really have. You've taken rebellion to a new level. That's what you've done.
This Is Serious Stuff
It's tough stuff, and I know it is. Unless you missed last week, and you're here this week, and you go, "Oh man, he's really beating up on the women," I'm not beating up on the women at all. This is what it says, and we did the same thing last week on the guys. This is really serious stuff.
You want a marriage? You want a marriage that's absolutely the best marriage it can possibly be? Then you get a husband who loves his wife, and a wife that submits to His husband, and in that setting, you can't miss. Short of that, you know what you do? You do whatever God called you to do.
Your Responsibility Before God
If you're here, and you're married, you're a guy, you love your wife, even when she's not lovable. If you're a gal, you're married, you submit to your husband, even when the guy's an idiot. Let me point out one last time, you picked this guy. We always overlook this. You picked this person. This is the one you said, "You just make me tingle." Well, the tingles gone now, and we're living with what's left when we got a bottle of soda that you open it up, and it goes flat. That's all we got left.
The only way that works is when you're filled with the Holy Spirit. Now something happens, guys. You can love the unlovable. Something happens, gals. You can submit, even when you firmly believe the track you're going on is wrong, as a family. You can do it.
Let's pray together. Father, help us see this. We know this is spiritual. Boy, if there's spiritual warfare going on anywhere, it is clearly going on in the husband-wife relationship. God, help us try to not fix our spouse, but to focus on what You've called us to do, what You've called us to be. God, let's not listen to the culture, but listen to You. I pray that as we think about these issues, that You would put in our heart a desire for men to love their wives, and wives to submit their husbands. Not because we want to, although we pray You would put in our heart a desire to want to do this, but because we know it's the right thing to do. God, we pray Your Spirit would work in our life to such a degree and to such a point that quickly that would be our deepest desire, would be to be the man or the woman You've called us to be. Father, we pray this to You this morning in Jesus' name. Amen.
See you in September.