Romans 12 - Don't Repay Evil for Evil
Tom Shrader examines Romans 12:17-21, addressing the difficult command to not repay evil for evil but instead to do good to those who harm us. He acknowledges this teaching goes against natural human instinct and is uniquely Christian, requiring supernatural transformation through the Holy Spirit. Shrader emphasizes that this applies to everyday relationships and conflicts, not just grand global issues, and encourages believers to trust God's character rather than seeking personal vengeance.
“Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold, but let God remold you.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: Romans
Recorded: 2013
Duration: 38 min
Themes: forgiveness, revenge, enemies, conflict, peace, trust, transformation, kindness, dealing with betrayal, workplace conflict, difficult relationships, struggling with anger, hurt by others, family tensions, new believer, seeking justice
Scripture: Romans 12:17-21, Romans 12:1-2, 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5:18, Philippians 4:13, Ephesians 4:32, Romans 5:6-10, Genesis 50:20
Theological Themes: sanctification, holy spirit, supernatural transformation, biblical ethics, christian distinctiveness, god's sovereignty, divine vengeance, spiritual warfare
Full Transcript
We've been in the Book of Romans for a long time, so I just want to remind you of something John MacArthur writes: most, if not all, of the great revivals and reformations in the history of the church have been directly related to the Book of Romans. This is an important book, a powerful book. In it, you have essentially all of the teachings of the Christian faith. Many theologians would say if they could take just one book out of the Bible, the one they would take would be the Book of Romans.
One of the things that I love about this book is that Paul is trying to answer questions we're all asking. If you've been in a philosophy class or even if you've been to Starbucks, you have the same discussion: who am I, why am I here, where am I going? Why is the world the way it is? How come every time I turn on the news, I thought it was bad, but now it's worse?
I came in the other night after working, and I had some more work to do and reading, but I told Sandy, "I've got to turn on the news." Everything's here in Gilbert. Gilbert just voted the 20th most livable city according to the Wall Street Journal, so you're living here in paradise—though it doesn't always feel like it. We're here, but maybe the rest of the world's falling apart. So I turn on the news and five minutes into it, I'm moaning and groaning. Sandy said, "Just turn it off, you have reading to do, just read." I said, "No, I'm going to watch Christian TV," and she said, "Oh no, I'm going for a run. I don't want to be here." But it just gets worse. I think, why is it this way? Well, Paul talks about that.
A Tough Section to Teach
The section we have in front of us today is, I think—and maybe it's just me, I'm out of practice—a tough section to teach. So let's read it. It's Romans chapter 12, verses 17 through 21. You have it in front of you, maybe in your Bible, or if you have a phone, there's no problem with pulling up a phone app, iPad, or whatever it is you have.
I teach from the New American Standard, and I think I'm about the only one left on staff who does. You may see some variance, but God used that translation to save me, and I'm just having a hard time changing, so for now, I'm going to stick with this.
Here's the passage for today: "Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God. For it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, and I will repay,' says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in doing so, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
You can read it and maybe say, "Well, that sounds pretty nice," but when we pull it apart—that's what we're going to do now—and you start to apply these principles, it becomes almost overwhelming to me.
The Essential Nature of Christianity
Let's look at verse 17: "Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men." That's a recurring theme here. Not only do we not do harm to our enemies, but we do good to them.
One author writes, "This is the essential Christianity, and this is where we so often find a difference between Christian teaching and the morality of the world, even at its best and highest."
Our staff member at the Tempe congregation, Jim Mullen, was ministering in Europe—I believe he was in Turkey—and he was friends with people from all sorts of different religions and faiths. He's sitting down with a Muslim man one afternoon, and they come across this passage in their conversation and study. The guy said to him what this author wrote. He said, "Wait, wait, wait, read that again. Don't repay evil for evil, but do good. Do what's right." He said that would revolutionize the world. It's totally foreign. It's uniquely Christian.
Don't repay evil for evil. Now that's our natural instinct.
Our Natural Response
Yesterday was a Saturday in September, so what does that mean? College football. So I do the same thing every Saturday. It's so stupid—I stipulate it's stupid. I know it's dumb. I get up at 5:45. I go out and hang my Iowa flag. This is so stupid. Every Saturday. It's so dumb. Then I go in, get my little K-cup, sit down. Six o'clock—what comes on at six? Game Day. Oh my gosh. And that, unfortunately, is only three hours long.
That's three hours, and that gets us to the early kickoffs, which for me, because I'm a Big Ten guy—as we continue to dominate the other conferences—kickoffs are at nine, then at 12:30, then it gets sporadic in the afternoon. It's not as structured as it used to be, so there are kickoffs at four and five and all day long.
Yesterday, Sandy's daughter, who lived in Clemson and just moved to Charlotte, had a bunch of friends together for the Clemson game—Clemson versus Florida State. She was responsible for food. So what did she cook? Crab legs. For those of you that are football fans, that'll sink in there. It's game day.
I'm watching—I didn't watch very much yesterday, really—but it happened in the Iowa game, happened in the Clemson game, happened in the Alabama game. Maybe I watched more than I thought. It happened in every game I watched all year long. If you're an NFL fan, you're going to turn it on today to watch and you're going to see it. In the midst of the game, you're going to see where a guy throws a shot, and then the other guy—what's he do? Swings right back. And what happens? We throw the flag, and it's never the first guy, right? It's always the second guy.
The most natural thing in the world is when somebody comes at you—
Just mean physically. I'm talking about they've done you wrong. Isn't that the context there of the verse? It's payback. The implication is somebody's done something evil to you. Don't you swing back. Not a time for retribution.
Is there a place for that? So let me acknowledge that. When somebody swings at you or does you dirty, the most natural thing is to want to get back.
In our preaching collective, all the guys that are going to teach at the congregations meet, and we talk about the passage. Well, we got right here, and you know what we started talking about? ISIS. So we're talking about ISIS or ISIL. We're talking about what about this? What about that? If they launch this, what about the Soviets? What about the Chinese? And then we did all these grand pictures.
The Context: Personal Relationships, Not National Policy
Well, here you go. He's not dealing here with a nation. Look, I don't know who's teaching next week. I assume Tim, but I don't know. But whoever it is has Romans 13, which is government. Are there times for retribution? Yes, within God's structure. So in the family, there's discipline. In the workplace, there's repercussions. There's consequences for your behavior. The same thing is true in church, church discipline. The same thing is true in government.
So don't go down. Here's what I'm going to have to do all day to your mind, because your mind is going to want to race off, and I've got to go, whoa, okay? We don't want to talk about ISIS right now. We can talk about that another time. We want to talk about you.
Now if you get somebody in your mind, in all likelihood whoever that person is as you describe them has a "ex" in front of it: ex-spouse, ex-employer, ex-employee, ex-coach. I dealt with a guy a few years ago who's 45 years old who's angry and bitter, and when we unpacked it, he was mad at his high school coach for not putting him in to close a baseball game in senior high school. Because if the scouts would have seen him, he's pretty convinced he would have been in the major leagues. And I told him, if you're that good, trust me, we know we need pitching. Hey, we'll find a place for you.
Don't Repay Evil for Evil
In this whole thing, you need to apply it. And here's what He's saying. This is in verse 17: somebody that's done evil to you. There's no question about it. We don't need to have a grand jury. They've done evil to you. Here's what Paul's saying: don't repay them back.
In fact, with respect to what is right or what is good, what else do you guys have in your translation of the second part of verse 17? Honorable. The idea is honorable, good, right. Do what's right in the sight of men.
Well, what's the problem with that verse? We can't agree on what's right anymore. There was a huge study done several years ago, published in a book that was called "The Day America Told the Truth," where they surveyed 2,000 people. And their conclusion was, and I quote, "There's a letdown in the moral values that now are considered to be the number one problem in the country." We can't agree on what's right. But we know if it's something you hide when you do, it's probably not right. You do what's right in the sight of all men. You take the high road. You don't get even.
The Marketplace Advantage of Integrity
And we look and we're suspicious, and we're going, "That's not even practical." A friend of mine was lecturing the freshman business students at UCLA, and it was on morals and ethics. And when he was done, the first question that he was asked was this: "Do you know one person, man or woman, who's been successful in business and is honest?" The implication is you have to cheat. Well, that's not right.
Your greatest asset that you have in the marketplace today is your Christian faith. I mean, we're at a point where if you can show up on time and give correct change, you're in the top 10% of your field. What do I want some of you to hire? What do you look for in people you hire? Somebody that's honest and has integrity and is conscientious. That's a Christian.
He said here you go: don't do this. Don't repay evil for evil, but do what's right.
Living at Peace As Far As It Depends on You
Verse 18: "If it's possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men." Okay, get ISIS out of there. Now we got to keep pushing ISIS out of there. Get ISIS out of there. We're talking about you. You at the homeowners association. You with the people next door. You with the guy with the barking dog. You in your house with one another.
Now I love the realism of this. Paul seems to acknowledge, "If it's possible." There's some people that it is just not possible. There's some. But as far as it depends on you, you go.
Here you go. Somebody the other day said, "I've done everything I can in this relationship." Okay, I don't know if that's true or not, but Paul's saying in verse 18, if you've done everything you can, kudos to you, buddy. But see, this is right down into the relationship.
A Personal Example: Football Saturday
I had—I don't know how old Sarah and Haley were, not very, maybe 10, 11—and it was a football Saturday, and I'm watching. I mean, it's a—I'm watching like Toledo and Connecticut. It's a big game. And Susan came in and said, "I'm going to go and get sandwiches. What kind of sandwiches do you want?" I said, "Do I look discerning when it comes to—whatever. Just whatever you got, bring it."
So when it came and I got a sandwich, and Sarah's there, Haley's there, a couple of their friends. They're in our dining room eating. And I get up and I go over to get seconds, and Susan said, "You know, the girls are in there, and I think they're hungry. Why don't you wait and see what they want? Why don't you wait and let those sit?"
And I said, "You have got to be kidding me. Okay, I'm not asking you to go to the moon. Is it a money issue?"
Susan picks up the sandwich and comes over. Now there's a lot of ways to sit down a sandwich, and I don't want to accomplish this death. So she comes over and sets the sandwich down in front of me.
We are at a critical point, aren't we? Because we know the fundamental principle: the one who talks next loses. And she said, "I know you want to watch the game and the girls can be distracting. I'm gonna take them to the mall and get out of here so you can watch the game."
Now I want to replay that, because you see how this could have gone. If you want to repay evil for evil, well she can take this steak and go right up with it and go, "Hey pal, here you go." And then it can go like this and it can go like this, and pretty soon you got a situation that's explosive. You can feel it, and when you tell the story you should have been in the room. When you tell the story you go, "Here's what happened." Not ISIS, but at home over a sandwich in the simplest things. Those things that "as far as it depends on you, live at peace with one another" - you have a responsibility in this.
The Pattern of Contrast in Scripture
Verses 19 through 21 - I want you to look at it and just give you an insight maybe into how I read or study. Before I do any in-depth study or research or any of that stuff, I'm just reading it. And when I did, I had a word I seen in there three times - highlighted it for you. It's the word "but."
So as I study and I'm trying to get a rhythm here, it's Paul's typical rhythm. It's a "but," it's a contrast. So in Ephesians, Paul uses the phrase "put off the old, put on the new." "Stop lying," but that only moves me to neutral. "Now tell the truth," and that's the same kind of technique that he employs here.
"Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God." He said, "Don't try to even the score." Now the implication is clear that the other person has done wrong. He's just saying to you, "Don't take that person and turn them into an enemy."
Love Means Not Keeping Score
There you go. This is really to love them. What "love them" means: don't keep score. That's First Corinthians 13 - don't reckon, don't keep an account. Think about the other person, not about yourself. Don't take revenge. Don't try to do that because you're only gonna mess it up.
I was watching a special this week on Watergate, and I thought this is gonna be a great illustration. Then I realized that half of you don't even know what Watergate is - you're too young for that. But I want to tee it up for you.
The Watergate Lesson
Watergate is a name that's attached to an event that occurred in 1972 when the Republican Party - it was the Committee to Re-elect the President, CREEP. The Committee to Re-elect the President broke into and bugged the Democratic National Headquarters, and it was in the Watergate office complex.
What happened is that these guys were caught, and then it was discovered that they had a trail back to the White House that went all the way to the President's office. Not necessarily proving that Nixon was in on the break-in plan, but pretty well was in on the cover-up. And it was dumb and stupid, but he was blind.
One of his aides said the problem with the President is that he didn't have adversaries - he had enemies. That's exactly what he's saying here: don't have enemies. You're gonna be in these adversarial relationships, but don't turn this person into an enemy.
Leave Room for God's Wrath
Leave an opportunity for God's wrath. "Vengeance is mine" - He'll resolve it. I don't know how. Is He gonna zap him? I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's His job to balance the books, not mine. "Vengeance is mine."
But then He doesn't just move you to neutral. Verse 20: "If your enemy's hungry, feed him." Are you expecting me - here you go, I love this. Are you telling me in verse 19, if he does wrong to me, I'm not supposed to - I'm supposed to sit there and I'm supposed to take it? I'm not telling you that. That would be easier than what we're telling you.
We're telling you: if your enemy's hungry, feed him. If he's thirsty, give him something to drink. It's an act of goodness. If there's a need there, bless them. God's blessed you, and now you bless the people around you.
Heaping Burning Coals
"And that will heap burning coals on his head." Lot of controversy about what that means. Is it by treating him nice, God's gonna get more vengeful on him? Or by treating him nice, you're gonna bring shame to him? Or by responding this way - and this could well be it - is that he's gonna see good, and the good is going to overcome the evil?
That's kind of what it seems like he's saying in the summary statement in verse 21. It's the theme of this section: "Don't you be overcome with evil, but you overcome evil with good."
Controlling Yourself
You control yourself. Don't you get swept away in this. It's the most natural thing in the world, isn't it? You help me out. "I don't get mad, I get even." That's how we do it. That's not just American - that's the human race.
Going back to the story of Jim Mullen, can you imagine what it would be like if we dealt with things this way? It's Gandhi's comment: "An eye for an eye, and the world goes blind." It's to love that other person.
The Supernatural Response
Now when I read this and I begin to unpack this, I have two reactions. Here's the first one: I don't want to do it. This, to me, is very hard to do. If I talk about the Christian life and I do all the things that you associate with it - all the things that are in your bulletin, Bible study here, women's ministry here, this thing over here - I can go, "Okay, I'm gonna get busy."
But now He says, "I want you to not repay evil for evil. I want you to act in a way that is entirely supernatural." The supernatural doesn't fall for the trap: "I don't get mad, I get even." The supernatural...
I said, "I'm not going to get even." And I got this - I want you to know that I know what you're thinking. I know you're thinking, "I got it in church, that might work, but in the real world, things don't work this way."
Paul doesn't say, "Don't repay evil for evil, except in the real world." He says - and this is, to me, really powerful teaching, not mine, his - that if you're a Christian, and you're obsessed with vengeance and anger, it's only going to destroy you. You're Richard Nixon - it's only going to destroy you. I know this sounds so trivial, but here you go: let it go.
"But when he took advantage..." I got it, I got it. We've already stipulated that you've been done dirty. "But I want to square it away."
The Foundation: Romans 12:1-2
Well, let me go back to the very beginning of Romans chapter 12, because this is what hit me in my study. Paul says this, Romans 12, one and two: "I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, present your bodies as a living sacrifice."
He's saying this: the "therefore" there connects Romans chapter one, two, three, four, five, six, eleven with Romans 12. Because all this stuff is true, there's consequence to it. Because you were lost, and you've been redeemed, and now nothing can separate you from the love of Christ, I want you to live this way. And the big challenge is going to be in verse two: "Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
That word that's translated "conformed" refers to an outward expression that doesn't reflect what's going on within. It's a masquerade. Listen, you aren't like the rest of the world, so don't act like it.
Different Translations Paint the Picture
Let me give you three other translation paraphrases of verse two. The Amplified: "Don't be conformed to this age, fashioned after and adapted to an external superficial custom. Be transformed, changed, by the entire renewal of your mind, its new ideals, new attitudes." The J.B. Phillips paraphrase: "Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold, but let God remold you." The Living Bible: "Don't copy the behavior and the customs of the world."
Now, we can talk about all sorts of things that are associated with it, but let me tell you what's on the list today. Here's how the world says it: "I don't get mad, I get even." Don't you copy that behavior. Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold.
The World's Pressure to Conform
Don't go to work tomorrow, and somebody say, "What did you do yesterday?" "Well, I went to church." "Oh my golly, what did they do there?" "Well, they tried to sell a book, and they got some politic guys coming in, and they sang some songs, it was really good, and then the guy talked..." "Oh, what'd he talk about?" "Well, he talked about how we don't get mad, and we don't get even. We absorb the blow."
And he said, "Well, let me tell you what, pal. If you're going to be a salesman in this office, you can't be a namby-pamby going around thinking everybody will all work out. That doesn't work." And the world's going to try to squeeze you into that, and you're going to go into that manager and say, "Here's what happened," and he said, "Let's put it to them. If they cheat, we cheat. They took advantage of us, we got them."
Paul says that's typically natural thinking, and because you have a new heart, you don't think that way anymore. See the transformational power of this?
True Transformation Begins Inside
"Be transformed" - it means that we're commanded to allow ourselves to be changed outwardly into conformity in end. We begin to look redeemed.
Imagine a marriage like this. Imagine a marriage, then when you walk in, that's filled with all of this pressure - and I'm not denying the pressure, and I'm not denying the other person's put it to you - but all of a sudden you say, "Hey, here's your sandwich." See that? And it's the same old things. It's the guy that says, "When I argue with my wife, she doesn't get hysterical, she gets historical. Back in June of '73..." It's all that stuff.
I got it, I got it, I know it's true. You don't have to - listen, when this is over, you don't have to come up and tell me, "You don't understand." I understand, and I know it's real, but I want you to understand, I know this is really hard.
No Exceptions, No Expiration Date
This is really difficult, especially when you've been doing it year after year after year after year, but really - the language, it's all-inclusive. It doesn't have any exceptions, and it doesn't have an expiration date. He doesn't say, "Don't repay evil for evil unless she does this or He does that."
And it doesn't say... all right, I got it. Every time - and I'm sure that's hyperbole - but almost every time I've been in a situation, a counseling or some sort of arbitration type situation, the person will say, "All right, okay, I can see where this would be helpful," then they'll ask this: "How long do I have to do this?" Well, buddy, until you die. And that may be a new prayer request for you because I got how miserable this is.
You see this? I want you to see that I feel it, but I don't want to give you the wiggle room. I don't want to talk about ISIS. I want to talk about the person that's in your head, was in there 20 minutes ago, the person across the table from your dinner, the person that's there on the holidays, the person that's at work. You're going to be able to apply this before you get out of the parking lot today, right?
We Can't Do This Alone
And in there, I told you I had two reactions when I read it. The first one was, "I can't do this. I don't want to do it." And the second one was, "I can't. I can't do it." And that's exactly right.
Ephesians 5:18, although we aspire to this outward change, it can be accomplished only through the Holy Spirit working in us. There's a phrase - I got all kinds of phrases that drive me nuts, you know. "It's His body of work." I mean, I'm sick of all this. Here's one that I'm sick of, and that is, "I can't do this, but the Holy Spirit can do it in me." And now, Philippians chapter 4:13: "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."
I'm watching a sporting event this morning. I was up at 3:30. I'm watching a sporting event this morning before it's time to pray to get ready to come over here, and one of the participants...
Living Beyond Human Power
has on his trunks Philippians 4:13. He doesn't have the verse, he just has Philippians 4:13. "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." That does not mean I can leap a tall building in a single bound, I'm faster than a speeding bullet, or more powerful than a locomotive. It doesn't mean—some of you have this on your mirror or your screensaver as a motto—I can do anything. Well, that's not what it's talking about.
It's talking about something way tougher than winning a ballgame. In the context, Paul's saying, "I've learned to live with a lot, I've learned to live with a little. I've learned to not repay evil for evil. I can be the guy or gal that God's called me to be." Well, how can I do that?
The Foundation of Forgiveness
Ephesians 4:32: "Be kind, tender-hearted to one another, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you." As you begin to deal with this other person, and you understand they're guilty, and you don't think they deserve forgiveness, you give them forgiveness because you understand as a follower of Christ how much forgiveness has been given to you.
Romans chapter 5, verses 6, 8, and 10. I highlighted three words to describe us before a relationship with Christ. We were helpless, sinners, and enemies. While you were helpless, while you hated God—might have liked religion, but you hated God—Christ died for you. God demonstrated love, real love. What was it? That He who was perfect—you talk about somebody being mistreated, however mistreated you've ever been, it doesn't compare to the injustice that was done to Christ, the God-man who never sinned, who was treated as though He was guilty and got the punishment of all of our sins. In that moment, God forgave you. So now you look to those around you, and you say, "I can forgive them."
Joseph's Example
There's a great moment in the life of Joseph. I don't know if you remember this story, but Joseph is his father's favorite son. The other boys know it. They're jealous of him, and one day they're out in the field far away from home, and the boys—one of them says, "Let's kill Joseph," and the other said, "No, let's do the American thing, let's sell him, let's make a dollar out of this. Kill him, that's no benefit."
So they sell him into slavery, and then he's sold to Potiphar, and then he's falsely accused by Potiphar's wife, and he ends up in the dungeon in Egypt. Egypt, the most powerful nation in the world, a famine comes into the world, and because of Joseph's wisdom, there's food in Egypt, nowhere else. Joseph's brothers, the ones that sold him into slavery, come back now to Egypt to get food, and they're before Joseph. He recognizes them, and he lets them go, and they come back again, and then he reveals himself to them.
And the boys are afraid. You know why they're afraid? Because their mantra is, "I don't get mad, I get even." So they assume Joseph is going to do that, but Joseph says in Genesis chapter 50, verse 20, "As for you, you meant it for evil, God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result."
The Reality of Living This Way
In your life, as you live this way, I got it, I know the objection. "Boy, if I live this way, aren't people going to take advantage of me?" Here's the answer to that: yes. This is not about developing something that leaves you without any sort of ramifications—it's yes. If I start to love somebody like this, are they going to run over me? Maybe, don't know, probably. But then again, you're not supposed to be keeping score. You're supposed to overcome that evil with good.
"I don't know if I can do this." Last sentence—it's a sentence I've been using in the series I'm teaching in Priority Living, which, by the way, I teach in the commons on Wednesday morning at 7: Our hope is rooted in the character of God, in the promises of God, sovereignty of God, the faithfulness of God. Our hope in the world in general.
I love all of this, I don't know why I love it. But listen, Ducey, my hope is not in either one of them, ultimately. Does it matter? Absolutely, it matters. But my hope is in the character of God.
Trusting God's Character
If I live this way, are there going to be human ramifications to it? Maybe, but God's called me to live this way, and I can trust the character of God, and the promise of God, and the sovereignty of God, and the faithfulness of God. Because He lives—we sang it, and that's kind of cool—because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Leaning on the everlasting arms, that's how you get through a day. Not you squaring accounts, but trusting God to do that.
Tough lesson. Let's pray God will apply it to our heart. God, do this work in our life. I look at it, I confess, and I'm going, this is overwhelming. I don't think I can do this. I don't even know if I want to do it. God, give me the desire to live this way, and then fill me with Your Spirit that will give me the power to live this way. We pray it in Christ's name. Amen.