Living to Win Over Loneliness
Tom Shrader addresses loneliness as a central human experience, examining how God provides three solutions: meaningful friendships, marriage as companionship, and most importantly, an intimate relationship with Christ. He emphasizes that while friendships and marriage may not always be available, knowing Jesus provides a constant companion who will never leave us as orphans, offering peace that transcends worldly circumstances.
“The soul hardly ever realizes it, but whether he is a believer or not, his loneliness is really a homesickness for God.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: Living to Win (2005)
Recorded: May 12, 2005
Duration: 43 min
Themes: loneliness, friendship, marriage, companionship, peace, relationship, anxiety, hope, feeling isolated, struggling with loneliness, single adult, married person, seeking friendship, new believer, going through divorce, elderly person
Scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Genesis 2:18-24, John 14:1-27, Psalm 139
Theological Themes: christology, knowing jesus, incarnation, divine presence, providence, god's care, spiritual union, abiding in christ
Full Transcript
We are in session six, as you have it in your outline. Let me remind you of the topics in this series. The series title on your outline is Living to Win, and it's the idea of winning over these difficulties that come into life. We talked about guilt, weakness, anxiety, fear, worthlessness. Next week we talk about stress, and then the last week we talk about uncertainty. Today we talk about winning over loneliness.
As you package those together, as you read them out loud and look at it, you realize there's not a lot of joy here. This is not your basic power of positive thinking, upbeat message.
I find myself saying the same thing frequently. I'm not particularly creative, and I don't think there are a lot of new things, but I do think if we can master those things we know, we're going to be pretty strong in the clutch. When you're dealing with these areas, my observation is that the solution is always the same. Whether it's guilt, or weakness, or anxiety, or fear, or worthlessness, or loneliness, or stress, or uncertainty, whatever the topic is, the answer is always Jesus, and some manifestation of that.
This brings me back to something we talked about last year, which is really the culmination of years of teaching: what I know trumps what I feel. In life, I'm going to have all these things that I begin to feel. Nothing wrong with feelings. Nothing wrong with having love, and emotion, and feelings. But I'm going to have these feelings of guilt, and weakness, and anxiety, and fear, and worthlessness, and loneliness, and stress, and uncertainty. When those feelings rush in, I have to deal with what I know. What I know trumps what I feel.
The Reality of Loneliness
Today we're going to talk about loneliness. I watched an interview with Brian Lamb where he was interviewing a guy about a book he'd written on George Washington. Brian Lamb asked this author, "What would surprise us about George Washington? What would really shock us about the first president of the United States?"
His answer was this: He wanted to be rich, and he wanted to be famous, and he wanted to be happy. What would surprise you is how lonely he was. That's what we're going to talk about today.
Thomas Wolfe writes this: "Loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomena, particular to myself and a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence." That's upbeat, positive, gets you started for the day.
Paul Little, a Christian author, writes this: "One of the prominent symptoms of our times is loneliness. Isn't it ironic that in an age of the greatest population explosion the world has ever known, more people are desperately lonely than ever before? Even the high-rise apartments in our big cities are monuments to loneliness. There's an aching loneliness behind those doors for many people."
Loneliness in a Crowded World
I know of those, both in the city and the suburbs, who go to large shopping centers simply for the opportunity to talk to somebody in the store. At least the checker will speak to them as they go out. Loneliness is one of the desperate problems of our age.
We really are living this reality, and I see this all around. I see guys who've got contact lists and phone numbers stacked high, living in densely populated areas, spending hours in traffic, and yet totally isolated and alone. There's a book that was written a few years ago called The Friendless American Male, and we use that book in a couple of studies. What I've discovered more and more is that a lot of the women now are in that same boat, finding themselves in that same lifestyle.
God's Three-Part Solution
Well, God provides us three different ways to solve this loneliness. Two of them are optional, meaning you may have these in your life, you may not. If you don't have them, you still can overcome this loneliness. One is not optional. God solves loneliness through three areas: friendships, marriage, and an intimate relationship with Him.
The Foundation of Friendship
That's what we're going to look at. First friendship. Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verse 9, and we'll have three passages of Scripture we'll ask you to turn to today. So that's the first one, and it's a passage that has over the years become pretty familiar to you.
"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up, but pity the man who falls down and has no one to help him. Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? But one may be overpowered. Two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
There's a couple of things he says here about friendship. There seems to be this increased productivity. Two are better than one. They have a good return for their work.
Lessons from the Marketplace
My business career prior to this was commercial real estate. Not residential. I have lots of people come say, "Hey, I know you're in the real estate business. What do you think my house is worth?" I haven't got the foggiest clue. I don't know anything about it. I can give you, depending on where you live in the city, somebody you can talk to. I don't know anything about it. Commercial real estate, I probably know a little bit more about that.
But in that field, it is really competitive and cutthroat. Really competitive. Really cutthroat. You got guys that'll cut your heart out for a dollar. You got guys that'll cut your heart out just to cut your heart out, is what you got, really.
And what amazed me, and it really kind of came in at the end of my career—you'd see guys do it. But it is absolutely, in the larger brokerage houses now, it's just the way it is. Even in the midst of this cutthroat, individualistic, competitive spirit, there's a lot of formation of teams. There's a lot of guys who will work together. There's a lot of guys who will partner up.
Why? Well, probably for a lot of the reasons that are here, but the driving force might be that first one. Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work. It's just, if I'm going through something really tough and really competitive, it might be easier for me to get through this with another guy. Iron sharpens iron. That's the whole thought.
The Security of Friendship
There's a sense here of security in this. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. Again, the picture is not just literally falling down, but the picture is difficulty in life.
When Monica Lewinsky went through all that stuff with the President of the United States, there was an interview that she did with Barbara Walters. She went through the whole thing, and she's talking about it and all the different stuff. She was talking about the humiliation of it now. It is absolutely amazing to me that you say her name, and she's associated with that event, but you say Clinton, and he isn't. I don't get it, but that's different.
She said in the midst of this thing, there were really two things that got me through. My family and my few true friends. That's what you hear in here all the time. We add one thing to it, don't we? We say at the end of life, there's really only three things that are going to matter. Faith, family, and friend.
So there is this idea of, if I fall down, if I encounter these difficulties. And that's when people need you, too.
When Friends Pull Away
I digress a second. We had a guy in one of the studies. His wife got sick. She had Alzheimer's. Sometimes it can be a very difficult disease. And after a period of a few years, she died. And I said to him, "How was it?" He said, "It was absolutely hell." I said, "What made it so difficult? Was it just watching her?" And he said, "It was watching her and being alone. Because what happened is, all of our friends pulled away from us."
"We were a hard couple to be around. It was somewhat unpredictable. It was a little bit difficult, and it was awkward. And so gradually, one by one, our friends just kind of pulled away. And here I am, going through the greatest trauma of my life, alone."
Hey, that's pretty difficult. And I understand it. I do think, as you become more familiar with all sorts of things, people, I think, become more understanding and supportive. But that's really an important thing for you to grasp. One falls down, his friend can help him up. Pity the man who falls down. Pity the man who has difficulty. Pity the woman who has to go through these challenges of life alone.
The Warmth and Unity of Friendship
And there's warmth of friendship. If two lie down together, they can keep warm. But how can one keep warm? Now, he's writing to a society that's primarily shepherds, agriculture. And this has got no sexual overtones to it. This is simply a pragmatic thing of how you stay warm, how you find comfort.
And there's a sense of unity. A cord of three strands is not easily broken. I can't snap that cord. Can't be overwhelmed.
C.S. Lewis, writing of this whole idea of loneliness, says this: "We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious, we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually. We need them if we are to know anything, including ourselves."
So you need friends.
The Reality About True Friendship
Let me give you, and if you've been around, it's again, you're pretty familiar with this. Let me tell you a little bit about friends. So let me talk to you candidly here. I don't think you're going to have a lot of them.
I'm talking here about an intimate relationship. I'm not talking about how many guys can you get to come to your birthday party, or how many people are on your Christmas card list. A friendship, as we're talking about here, you can only maintain so many of them.
So you've got to find those handful of people that you are with, again, this is important, for the long haul. I got a guy and we have breakfast, essentially every Friday morning, and we've done this now for over 20 years. So that's what you got to have. And really, the advantage there is that person gets to know you and you know them.
I was talking to somebody last week, and I cannot remember who it was. And we're talking
about accountability groups. I was saying the thing about the accountability group is you can be in an accountability group, and there are lots of guys who blow out with big sin in the midst of accountability groups. He said, "Yep, I agree with you. But if you're with somebody for an extended period of time, you can tell when something's going on in their life." He's exactly right here. They'll start to change the way they behave and interact. You can see - you may not know what it is, but you can say, "Hey, is something wrong? Something a little bit out of sorts?"
Oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes when you're with a group of Christians - maybe it's a small group, maybe it's some sort of accountability group, or it's just a group you're in all the time - and all of a sudden they start missing the small group, you see them a little bit in church but not as often in church, almost always you've got some major issue going on in that life somewhere. If you really love them, which you probably don't, but if you really love them, you'd go and ask them what's the problem.
I will tell you, as somebody who hates it when somebody says, "How are you doing?" I'll say, "Fine." "How are you really doing?" I hate that. But sometimes you need to be asked that.
Trust and Boundaries in Friendship
A couple more things about friendship. You have to have trust. I don't trust many people. By that, I mean if I was going to fall back, I'd trust you to catch me. That's easy. I just don't trust you to keep a secret. Most people can't shut up. Most people take a bit of information and they run with it. There's something weird and sick and dark about somehow "I'm in the know" or something. So I really guard that closely. I'm very careful who I'm going to talk to about many things, because I don't just trust somebody to keep their mouth shut.
That friend needs to be of the same gender, I think. I get very leery when you've got this 45-year-old guy and his best friend is this 35-year-old chick at the office. I don't like it. I don't trust it. Because the friendship I'm talking about starts with this communication at really a visceral level. It may not have this physical connection, but it's so emotionally powerful that it will frequently pull you into places you don't want to go.
The last thing is this friend of yours needs to be a believer, needs to be a Christian. I'll give you an example, gals. You are married to a jerk. That's a given, okay? So you're married to a jerk. When you sit down with your friend and you begin to say, "Let me tell you what he did last night," if she's not a believer, she's going to say, "Well, he's a jerk. Dump him. Get rid of him. Gosh, he's been like this. I thought he was going to change. He didn't change. Unload him. You need to lose about 210 pounds and it's him over there. Dump the guy." That's about how this thing goes.
That's why it's got to be somebody who says, "Boy, I know. I know it's difficult." I find myself a lot of times - and I don't do counseling per se, but I find myself in a lot of meetings - and I find a lot of times me going to people and saying, "That sucks." At least that. I say that a lot to guys. I got to tell you, I wouldn't have picked her. But you did. And now she's yours. And it's not an option.
So in the friendship, you got to be in it for the long haul and trust somebody that's, I think, same gender and somebody that shares your faith. So God provides you a way through this loneliness and it's friendship. Skin. Person on person.
God's Second Solution: Marriage
Here's the second way. Not everybody will take it appropriately, and that's marriage. God's in this creating mode in Genesis 1. He's creating and creating and creating and creating and creating. As He's creating, He's saying, "It is good. It is good. It is good. It is good. It is good." "It's very good. It's great." He's creating away.
Then all of a sudden, Genesis 2:18, the Lord said, "It is not good." First malediction. It's all been benediction to this point. "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." But Adam found no suitable helper. So the Lord caused him to fall into a deep sleep. While he was sleeping, He took out one of his ribs, closed the place with the flesh. Then the Lord God made woman from the rib, brought Him to the man. The man said, "This is not bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. She should be called woman, for she was taken out of man. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
The Call to Singleness vs. Marriage
Now, general comment about marriage, then we'll talk about this specifically. Paul is very clear that if you're single and you can survive in that mode - you can stay sexually pure, you are not obsessing over marriage - you are better off single as it relates to the kingdom of God, because you're free. You're free not to just see how low you can get your handicap or see how much fun you can have or see how much of the world you can see. You are free to be the man or the woman that God called you to be and to be engaged in the ministry that you're in.
Once you have this relationship here, it's going to impede your accessibility to ministry. I've just seen that. Obviously, because of my relationship with my kids, and obviously where I am with Susan, I have to be there as much as I can be there for Susan. There are other kingdom things or other opportunities that don't get tackled because of that relationship.
But for me, I really feel like I need to be married. If you're single and you're okay there, then you're better off there. But most of us are going to be married. That passage that I read you from Genesis 2, this is not, by the way, just kind of some little story to get the whole book rolling. This is how this world began, I believe.
The problem here is that all of a sudden God says, "I'll make a suitable helper for you." And we're going, "Uh-oh, we don't like this." Because
Marriage and God's Design
This immediately puts us in roles. It sounds in some way as though you're creating a woman who's inferior to a man. That's not the case at all. This is God's plan for marriage. It's spelled out as we get further in the book. Wives submit to your husbands. Husbands love your wives. That's the way that's God's structure for the family.
But He begins with this idea that here's man, and he's in paradise. He's lonely. He needs companionship. What is it, again, in this story, by way of friendship, what is it through marriage that God does? Well, He gives us a partner by design.
He gives us a role for marriage. Husbands love your wives. Nobody ever gets bent out of shape out of that. I've never had anybody go, "Wait a minute, I want to question that." But right at the other side of that is wives submit to your husband. Whoa, I got a lot of questions about that.
Understanding Biblical Roles
I have all sorts of people that want to try to explain away culturally every other way, "wives submit to your husbands." They want to explain that away. But in the same verse, they never try to explain "husbands love your wives." That's God's plan. It doesn't mean that a woman is inferior.
This is not about status. This is about role. Different, but equal. As you cringe with that, and you go, "Oh, I don't know," that word "helper" that He uses, God uses at least three other times in the Old Testament to describe Himself.
Marriage as God's Gift
This idea of marriage is a gift from God. God has provided that spouse. We talked about it, I think, last week, but I want to come back to it again. Within that context becomes a matter of contentment.
Typically, among the gals, I will hear, "You know, my husband doesn't make enough money, this is where we live, you know, I wish I could afford something nicer." You're just undermining him. From the guys, it's the other way. It's, "You know, look at her." It's always a guy, this is my favorite. It's always a guy like this. He'll be going, "The little woman's let herself go." That's my favorite. Always some guy like that.
The Problem with Unrealistic Expectations
I'm watching something Saturday. I don't know what it was. I know there was a ball in it. A commercial came, and I honestly found myself probably 30 seconds into the commercial, and I had no idea what it was a commercial for. Breast augmentation, I thought, because it was nothing more than women on a beach jumping up and down, and some guys batting volleyballs back at them.
I am watching this, going, "Wow, what are they selling here? Volleyball equipment? Beach vacations? Timeshare?" It was a beer ad or something. Well, if you're a guy and you see that, and guys are pigs. If you're a guy and you see that, and there's a 22-year-old that's had $22,000 worth of surgery, your wife can't possibly compete with that. If you're asking her to, you're asking her to do the impossible, but it's not going to happen.
Having said that, and this is not just some clever little phrase, this is the truth. If you want to be married to a 10, you can be married to a 10 today, because this whole thing is subjective. Have you noticed that? Look at just an Olympic sport, and you'll see somebody go 9.9, 6.5, 3.8, 8.4—it's all subjective. If you want to be married to a 10 today, then you simply consider your wife a 10, and you're married to a 10. Pretty simple thing, really.
Marriage as a Covenant
This is also a covenantal relationship, this idea of marriage. God has this plan—it's a commitment for life. Marriage is to be, and it's sad we have to fight for this, heterosexual. Marriage is to be permanent, and it's to be monogamous. That's God's plan. Whenever we talk about that, I understand that in a room like this, I know that we're picking a little bit at scabs, and that many of you have not been able to fulfill that.
A Resource for Marriage
There's this thing, Larry and Sue Wright—I'll give you a tip, let me check time, yeah, we got time. I'll give you a tip here. If you want great information on marriage, you want to just listen to some great teaching on marriage, get on the internet, go to discover-life.org, discover-life.org, and that'll be Larry and Sue's website. Scroll down until you find the marriage album, and then order the marriage album and they'll mail it to you. No cost. But if you're a real human here, you'll send them some money, and a lot of it, to offset the cost, but they'll send it to you for free. It's the best teaching on marriage I've been around.
There's a thing that Larry does, and I assume it's in the marriage album, I don't know, he used to do it in all of the seminars. I'm watching some of you grab for a pen, so let me tell you again, discover-life.org.
The Never, Never, Never Principle
He does this thing, where Larry will say this: "Sue and I, we'll never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never," and he always beat on them, "never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never get divorced." Then there'd be this break and I'd be out there having coffee, and somebody'd say, "Did you hear what he said?" I'd say, "Well, I don't, what is it he said?" "Well, he said, he'd never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never get divorced. I can't believe he's saying that. He's up there saying that. I mean, Satan's going to come at him. What is he going to do?"
I said, "Wait a minute. That's the same thing you said when you stood before your pastor, your priest, your rabbi, somebody." Well, you said, "Better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness and health until death do us part." That sounds an awful lot like never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never. It's the same thing.
You live in a world, and I will tell you this, I'm impressed here at Valley View Bible Church that they are giving you these cups. Not to take home, but to drink out of. Because you wouldn't get these at our place. You get some nice styrofoam cups. I'm yesterday teaching—
and we're living in a total disposable culture. We're throwing everything out when we're done. All of a sudden, we're in somewhat of a disposable society, and marriage tends to fit right into that. That's not God's plan. God's plan is that you'd find this person, most often at a younger age, not always, and that you just would grow old together.
Having now been at it 26 or 27 years, which is not much to some of you, I can tell you it is an amazing thing. It is an overwhelming thing. As we encounter really some huge obstacles, it's pretty cool. I feel a love that I didn't know I was capable of, because I tend to be the most superficial, selfish person that you know. And a care that I didn't know I could have, and it comes from commitment, slugging it out, and it's the way God designed.
So He provides this. Here's yet another quote. Herbert Von Zeller writes this: "The soul hardly ever realizes it, but whether he is a believer or not, his loneliness is really a homesickness for God." I want to camp on that.
Our Homesickness for God
Open your Bibles to John chapter 14 if you would. As we head into summer, there may be in your life like there is in many, a cessation of a lot of things. A lot of groups that meet stop for summer, especially here in the desert. There's so much travel that goes on that a lot of friendships and guys that meet every week for coffee, now summer comes and that breaks up. But you're looking for something to maybe keep you on track. I'll give you something terrific.
Study John chapter 14, 15, 16, and 17. Because this is Jesus on the night before He died. So in moments like that, I mean if you knew you were going to die tomorrow morning, what would you do? I can tell you what I think I would do. I'd call my mom and call my dad, because I certainly want to have a conversation with them and share some things with them. I'd make sure I got a hold of the girls and probably their husbands now, because that's family, and get them together and Susan.
There might be a couple other people that I'd like to give just a quick call to. I'd probably hope I'd get a voicemail more than a conversation, but be able to say a few things. But to that core group that I was going to spend time with, there would be a clarity in my communication, I hope. If I knew this was it, if I knew we were going to be separated forever tomorrow, I don't think I'd be saying to them, man, that was a tough game. In other words, we'd be getting down to the nitty gritty.
Jesus's Final Words to His Disciples
Well, that's where Jesus is here. John 14, 15, 16, and 17. This is, in a sense, His last moments with the disciples before He goes to the cross. What does He say? And they don't fully comprehend it here in verse 1.
"Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, you believe also in Me." So He, I think, is saying there's those opening words. That, in a sense, is ask not what your country can do for you. He's saying, I hope they go back to this, because there's going to be all sorts of trouble over the next three days. And they're going to feel abandoned, they're going to feel lonely, they're going to feel isolated. They may even feel angry and betrayed by God.
And He said, "In My Father's house are many dwelling places. If it were not so, I would have told you, for I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I'll come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you'll be also. And you know where I'm going."
And Thomas says, we don't know the way, we don't know where you're going. And Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth, the life. No one comes to the Father but through Me."
A Place Prepared Just for You
I read this yesterday, and it was simply designed just to really get to verse 6. But as I'm reading it, in my mind jumps something else. Every Sunday night, my daughter Sarah and her husband Tim come over. And I don't get home from church until probably about a quarter to eight. And there's a show that comes on at seven, from seven to eight. And it's the extreme home makeover show. I'm assuming you've seen it.
So about every Sunday when I get there, is when the bus is there. That's about where I get in every Sunday. And y'all have seen the show, I assume. Here's this bus. And there's a dark side of me. I'd love to go back and see each one of these houses a year or two after, but that's a different thing.
And the neighbors will be out. Pull the bus, pull the bus, get the bus out of the way. And they'll go, "Move the bus." And they'll move the bus. And you have these people. And it really is an incredible thing, isn't it? And you watch these people respond. And they do a great job, it seems to me, of picking situations that seem so real and so genuine and so hurting. And these guys are going nuts.
I especially like it when you get the kids where the kid has his own room. Or the girl has her own room. And it's done just for them. And they've gone out of their way to in a great, clever way incorporate elements into that. That you look at it and they go, it's just mine. And I love it. I really do. I get a real kick out of it. Because here are these guys that have gone and prepared this place specially for them. Keep that in your mind.
Let's read these verses again. Jesus said, "In my Father's house are many dwelling places. If it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to myself. And where I'm going, you will go also."
Imagine this. There's this moment in time, not too far away, when you're going to die. Absent from the body, present with the Lord. And they're going to say, "Pull away..."
the bus. And there's the place that Jesus has prepared for you. That's how I read it. Isn't that what it says? "I go and prepare a place for you." I don't know what that means. It could just be it's a place and it's designed and that's a place for you. It could be a place that when I get there, there's going to be Larry and all sorts of other people. They're going to be saying, "Hey man, welcome." I don't know.
But I know this. When I watch these extreme house makeovers, it is a celebratory, exciting moment and experience. And it's genuine and it's real. But however deep it is, it is but a fraction of what that moment will be like. I mean, it's nothing compared to that.
The Problem of Being Left Behind
Here's the problem that I encounter. I get excited about that. I look forward to that. The problem is, He left me here. And life sucks, by and large, generally. Some days suck less than others. It's not a very optimistic outlook, is it? But I mean, when He's saying each day has enough trouble of its own, He isn't kidding. There's physical problems, there's emotional problems, there's financial problems. There's great days. I'm not saying there aren't great things here. But here's the deal.
It's almost like I'm doing a bait and switch on you. There's a great place out there, but you don't get to go. Not yet. But here's what He does. In the balance of these chapters, here's what He does. He tells you, "I'm going to prepare that place for you. You're stuck here, but you aren't alone." See, that's the key.
Look at John 14:16. "And I'll ask the Father, and He'll give you another counselor. To be with you forever." How long? Forever. "It's the spirit of truth. The world cannot receive Him because it did not behold Him or know Him. But you know Him because He resides in you. I will not leave you as orphans."
Not Left as Orphans
I remember when Jim Dobson's mom died. And she had been sick, very, very sick for a long time. And as I recall, for the last two or three years of her life, she was pretty much in a fetal position. And I remember Jim talking about after she died, and his father had preceded her in death. He said, "After she died, I realized that I was an orphan." And no matter how old you are, when that second parent dies, that's your condition. You're an orphan.
And that term, orphan, to me, conjures up all sorts of things. But basically, this idea of loneliness. "I'm not going to leave you alone," He says. "I'm going to be in a world." He begins the whole thing by saying, "Don't let your heart be troubled." Because there's a lot of troubling things. "I go to prepare a place for you." And until that moment, "I'm not going to leave you alone."
In fact, He says in verse 26, "I will send you a helper. I'll send you somebody that will cause all of these things to come to mind." Verse 27: "Peace I leave you, my peace I give you. Not peace that the world gives. Don't let your heart be troubled. Don't let it be fearful."
A Different Kind of Peace
There's a worldly peace that we tend to pursue that is based on stuff or things or relationships. He said, "Listen, I, by knowing Christ, have somebody who will live with me forever. Somebody who will be a friend in this world to me. He'll be a patient teacher."
Psalm 139, the psalmist is saying, "Listen, you examine me, God, and that's going to be easy for you to do because you know me better than I know myself. You perceive me and follow me. You know what I'm going to say before I say it." That is a magnificent truth. That is a magnificent truth.
I was yesterday afternoon at a funeral, and it happens to be a funeral for a guy who is a Christian, and so there was a lot of conversation about the hereafter, about this place that God's prepared.
The Only Way
If we can go back just one time, we'll close it. Go back one time to John chapter 14, verse 6. Jesus is responding to a question that Thomas asked. Thomas said, "You know the way." Thomas said, "We don't know the way." And Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life, and no one comes to the Father but through me."
I have learned over the years that people derive great comfort from a conversation about heaven. But it's also easy to assume that everybody goes there. And that's what I want you to see. That isn't true. I would be stunned if everybody sitting in this room is a Christian. That would blow me away. I can't fathom that that's true.
And you live, remember we talked about this not too long ago, you live in a country, Newsweek poll, 81% of people identified themselves as Christians. When they went back, when Barna goes back and says, "Well, kind of here's what it means to be a Christian," the number went from 81% to 7%.
The Constant Companion
So here's what I want to say to you. In life, you're going to be alone. And you need that touch. There's something like that touch. It's just something that's so extraordinary. One of those nights, Monday night, where we just kind of sat, and then just kind of laid down, and we just kind of held each other for probably a half hour. Just kind of holding and grunting and groaning. And just talking. You need that. I got to tell you, it isn't always there. You need the friendship, they're not always there.
This last component of God's solution to loneliness, knowing Christ, that's the constant. The constant companion, the patient teacher, the permanent influence. That's not available to you if you don't know Christ. Heaven is not your home by some sort of a birthright that you either were born into a Christian family, or you go to church, or you're an American. It's those who have a personal relationship with Christ.
So I have to, as we close this down, I have to ask, do you know Christ in a personal way? Do you understand you're a sinner separated from Him by your sin, and He's the only solution? And I know in the world we live in, that's not correct, that's not politically correct, that's not, I guess, in some instances, not even theologically correct, but it's biblically accurate. So you need
to wrestle that to the ground. You better get that figured out, because the stakes are huge. They're huge as it relates to where you spend eternity, but they're gigantic to the quality of life you have here and the depth of that.
Well, in life, there are lots of things that come crowding in, and we talk about robbing joy, or taking away our fun, or maybe happiness. One of the things that come, and this is absolutely unavoidable in life, is stress. Everywhere. We're going to talk about stress next week: Living to Win Over Stress.
Prayer
Father, help us see this truth. Thanks for the men and women that are here. It is so cool to see them every week. I know what a commitment they make to get here, at a price that's paid. And God, I pray You'd use this time to honor that.
We thank You for all the blessings that You've given us. We thank You that You really designed us in a way that we need people. And then You provide friendships. That's why we so desperately need to be part of a church body. And in some instances, You provide a spouse, a partner.
But the greatest solution to our problem of loneliness is a personal relationship with You, through Your son, Jesus Christ. God, we pray that we would have that living, vibrant relationship. We pray that to You in His name. Amen.
Have a great week. We'll see you next week.