Sex by Force
Tom Shrader addresses the biblical response to rape and incest, affirming God's strong opposition to sex by force while offering pastoral care to victims. Using Lot's story from Genesis, he outlines six destructive family patterns that lead to tragedy, emphasizing how prioritizing business over spiritual foundations, remaining silent about moral issues, and failing to have spiritual conversations with children can devastate families.
“God has communicated to us and in this He tells us who He is and who we are and when we understand who we are He then says now here's what I want you to do, here's how you live.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: Sexuality by Design (2007)
Recorded: March 08, 2007
Duration: 42 min
Themes: sexuality, boundaries, family, tragedy, silence, communication, foundations, protection, parents raising children, families in crisis, victims of abuse, struggling with boundaries, silent about sin, new parent, family breakdown, protecting children
Scripture: Genesis 13, Genesis 19, Deuteronomy 22, 1 Corinthians 7, Leviticus 18, Matthew 18, Deuteronomy 6, 1 Peter
Theological Themes: biblical sexuality, gods design, pastoral care, spiritual foundations, moral boundaries, family discipleship, biblical parenting, spiritual conversations
Full Transcript
We are in session number six of this eight-week series, and let me remind you of what we've talked about. The topic is sexuality by design, and really the key phrase for us is the idea of "by design." In other words, God has a plan for our sexuality. God created us and made us the way that we are. There are desires that you have, and God says that's fine—I want you to fulfill them within these boundaries, within these confines, within these limitations. And here's the part I don't like, but that's what we've been talking about.
We'll close out the series the next two weeks talking about sex and marriage. Next week we're really talking about what is this whole thing of marriage, and then the last week sex in marriage, combined really in a culmination of all we've looked at. We have talked in the last three weeks about pornography, homosexuality, and abortion.
Today's topic is an interesting one. We're going to talk about sex, and when we talk about it, we're going to talk about the issue of sex by force. We're talking specifically about what we see a lot of—I'll give you some stats in a minute—the issue of rape and the issue of incest. Now I will give you the punchline up front, and this should not surprise you: God is against it. So we've got that. I'll spend a few minutes building that, but as you look at your outline, what I'll really spend a ton of time on is the last part of this. We kind of twisted things a little bit, maybe make it a little more interesting: how to become a family tragedy is what we're going to call that. In other words, how to destroy your family.
God's Owner's Manual for Life
When we talk about sexuality by design, let me give it to you again: God did not just create you and walk away, but He left you this owner's manual. If you want to understand life—let's take sex off the table for now—but you want to understand how to get the most out of life, the answer's in here. So if you're trying to figure out how to run a business or principles for marriage, or maybe you're single and dating or single life, or you're trying to figure out how to raise kids or how to deal with one another or how to reconcile problems in relationships, whatever it is, God's given you here the owner's manual for your life. That's what the scripture is.
God has communicated to us, and in this He tells us who He is and who we are. And when we understand who we are, He then says, "Now here's what I want you to do, here's how you live." So if you are a person who has come to Christ in repentance and faith, that issue settled, Jesus is Lord, Master, Savior, then all of a sudden life begins to change.
I was talking to a guy—he'd been a Christian maybe 40 days—and he said everything is all of a sudden changing. I said I don't know what that means. He said just everything's changing. I said well tell me what that means, why is that? He said well, number one, and this is the big thing, I've changed. He didn't know enough scripture, but we'd say it this way: the scripture is pretty clear, if anyone's in Christ I'm a new creature. So he's acknowledging that change. But he said my relationship with my wife has changed because all of a sudden I'm beginning to be the man that I was supposed to be. I'm moving into my roles. My relationship with my kids are different. God's communicating to me, he said, and I'm listening, and now He's giving me the power to live life differently.
So that's true across the board. It's certainly true in the topic that we're dealing with.
The Statistics of Sexual Violence
Let me give you just general statistics. When we talk about sex by force, there's all sorts of things that get brought into that, but let me give you some of them. Sexual harassment at work—and the numbers are broad because they do vary—20 to 30 percent of women say they've experienced some sort of harassment at work. 90 percent, and I've never understood how you get these statistics, 90 percent of rapes they say go unreported. About a hundred and fifty thousand a month they anticipate. Now I don't know how you—if it's unreported, I don't know how you get stats, but they have it.
Date rape: they say one in five college males will be guilty of date rape. Again, sex by force without consent. Incest and sexual abuse within the family—they estimate now occurrences are around 250,000 children a year. Canada, these are the latest numbers I've gotten from there: 14 percent of adults are currently involved in perpetrating some sort of sexual crime within their family. Three in ten men say they were abused sexually within Canada. Every other woman says she was abused—50% of them.
If you were to go down today to Scottsdale Memorial Hospital and if we had three baby girls in front of you, one of those three, statistically if it continues, one of those three in the course of their life will be abused.
A Word to Victims
Now let me camp here for a second. Susan said to me earlier in the week, "What are you teaching this week?" And I told her, and she said, "All right, listen, you'll screw this up." And I said okay. I said all right, tell me what to say. And she said, "I know how you are, and you're going to give them a bunch of stats and then you're going to grind them and you're going to go all over it. What you've got to understand is you've got women in your audience, and there will be a ton of it today at noon, but probably in here as well, who have been on the receiving end of this."
And she said, "Tom, they feel awful, they feel guilty, sometimes they haven't even been able to deal with it in their own lives, and you need to encourage them to find friends, to find people at church, to find people that they can talk to, they can find relief, and remind them that they did not as a 12-year-old girl..."
I want to make sure I address something important here. There are some of you who've been involved in sexual abuse through no fault of your own. This is a sick legacy to be talking about, isn't it? All the projections show that these numbers are going to increase, and part of what's really allowed this to increase is the whole idea of blended families. We see situations where there's a stepdad and a 14-year-old stepdaughter, and inappropriate things happen.
If you've been on the receiving end of that, I want you to understand that God loves you, that He will be your Father. Susan always warns me about this because Susan never went to church her whole life except one time for her sister's wedding. When she came and finally began to hear this gospel, and all of a sudden she heard of God spoken of as Father, it was very difficult for her. Her father was a complete jerk, and then finally the best thing he ever did, one day he went to work and never came home. They never heard from him again. So she's saying, "God's the Father? That's a tough equation for me." God's the perfect Father. He's the Father to the fatherless.
God's Clear Standard Against Sexual Violence
When we talk about this whole idea of sex by force, whether rape or incest, God says absolutely not. In fact, in Deuteronomy 22, He said, "Do nothing with the girls. She's committed no sin deserving death." Now they're under this Old Testament Mosaic law, but the prescription for raping a girl there was capital punishment. But God makes the point: don't do anything to the girl. It's not the girl's fault.
God's plan for sexual expression is not within the family, not with your kids. God's plan for sexual expression is within marriage. In 1st Corinthians chapter 7, here's what Paul says: "But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duties to his wife, and likewise the wife to the husband. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent for a time, then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of lack of self-control."
Marriage and Sexual Design
Now that is really all of session 8, but some of you will not be here for that, so let me make sure you get this point. One of the chief reasons to marry is sex. That's what He's saying. God said through His Word that in terms of serving Him, you can serve Him more freely if you're single.
But here's what's happening as He gives us instruction. Do you need companionship? Sure. Is it great to have companionship? Yeah, but there's something special and unique about the sexual relationship. And God says, "Listen, one of the driving reasons to be married is the sexual experience, so the last thing you want to do is deprive each other of this." Don't let one of you begin to use it as a tool against the other one.
He said if you continue in that, the only reason to stop is for a specific period of time, and it's always for a purpose of something spiritual—fasting, praying, working on that project, whatever it is. But make sure you come together, because if you don't, Satan will get in there, and he'll tempt you. See how that comes full circle? Why would he tempt you there? Because we started with the premise that one of the chief reasons to marry was the sexual part of it.
God's Judgment on Sexual Perversion
As you work your way through this, God speaks clearly against this idea of inappropriate sex, meaning rape and incest. In fact, in Leviticus 18, God is talking about the Canaanites. He said, "No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the Lord. Do not defile yourself in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I'm going to drive out before you are defiled." He's talking about the Canaanites.
And then He says this: "Even the land is defiled, so I will punish it for its sin, and the land will vomit its inhabitants." What a strong picture. God has a special place and value for children. In Matthew 18, He talks about the little ones. He said, "If anyone should harm them, it would be better for them to have a millstone tied around their neck, thrown into the sea." And then He says, "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones."
Building Strong Families
So we're going to build the next half hour out of this whole idea of children and relationship and family. What we want to do is give you six things you can do, and then ultimately the summary to destroy your family.
I'll give you my premise. I don't know if any of you saw Oprah yesterday, but Oprah had a show, and the topic was parents who couldn't say no to their kids. The timing could not have been more perfect for me. I learned this very quickly when I started to teach.
I'll give you my premise, and then you can go ahead and just stone me. But I don't think that most people love their kids. That's my premise. Now, here's how I get there. If I've got a husband and a wife, and they come in and talk to me, I would say, "How are you doing with your husband?" "Not so well." "What's the problem?" "He doesn't love me." "Do you love her?" "Yes." "He says he loves you." "Well, he says he loves me, but he doesn't show it." That's what I find with parents. They say they love their kids, but they don't show it. And they'll say, "Wait a minute. Didn't I take you to Disneyland? Yeah."
You did, but I don't need a trip to Disneyland. I need you to come in and read a story to me every night. I need you to be at that ballgame every time it's scheduled.
Now, is that physically possible? For most of you, not every time. I was in a study, and there was a lady in there who was married. Her husband was making well into six figures. She got pregnant by design, and she came in and said, "I want to go back to work when I have the baby. What do you think about that?"
The Two-Income Myth
Now, again, we're alienating people at the speed of light here today. Since we're doing that, let's just stay on this for a while. One of the great myths is that you need two incomes to raise a family. You may have a standard that requires two incomes, but I watch, for example, our staff. Our staff, you're working at a church. You're working at a church in junior high, high school, college ministry. You're not making much money. And I watch them, and I watch them live without a second income. Now, it alters your lifestyle a lot.
So here's what I said to this gal. I said, "Why would you work?" She said, "I want this kid to have everything that they ever want. Everything that they ever need." I said, "Okay, I'm going to give you a question. It's a test. It's multiple choice. Please do not answer it now, but go home and think about it. Does a newborn baby need A, a Jeep, B, a swimming pool, C, a mother? Don't answer it now." Of course, she was waiting for D, all of the above.
What Children Really Need
When Sarah was five, because I was in the midst of - they had asked me to teach a thing on parenting. How dumb is it to ask somebody with a five and a three-year-old to teach something on parenting? I don't know anything. Trying to figure it out. I went to Sarah and I said, "I'm teaching this thing on parenting and all this stuff." She doesn't have any clue what I'm saying. I said, "What do you need most from mom and from me?" She didn't even hesitate. She said, "Love."
Haley was three, so not as sophisticated. I said, "Haley, what do you need most from mommy and from me?" And she said, "Hugs and kisses." That's what they need.
Now, what makes this particularly difficult is they won't allow that. Because what they're going to say is, "No, no, I want that. I want that over there. I want that car." They're not going to say that. "I want those shoes, that clothes, that computer, that iPod, that, that, that. That's what I want." Then you've got to sort out whether you provide those or not. But more important than any of those things, what they need is your love and your care and your discipline. Whether we like that or not, that's going to come primarily from mom if she's home. There's nobody on this planet who is going to do that for money better than you would do it for love.
The Daycare Reality
Here's what we generally figured out. We can't figure out how to run schools. Now, here's our answer. Give us all day. Kindergarten? You've screwed them up from grade one through high school, so let's screw them up a year earlier. So you've got all day programs. These kids are getting to school at 6 in the morning and out at 6 at night, and they've got all these activities.
I'm telling you, you want to see a sad sight? You want to see your life change? You're talking to somebody who's thinking about, should I go to work or stay home? Go over to one of these daycare centers and just stop at Starbucks, get yourself a coffee, whatever you drink, and park your car and watch these people go in starting at 6 in the morning. Watch the little kid who can barely function and the mom's dragging him in and putting on makeup at the same time. Then you go, "Gosh, Billy is screwed up. Why is Billy screwed up?" Billy got screwed up early on when he understood you don't care about him as much as you care about yourself. That's just the way it is. That's what's wrong.
Now, are there all sorts of caveats? Are there some? Sure. I can't imagine anything more difficult than that single mom who's struggling it out. I got that. That's a tough deal. Are there some people who have to be in that situation? In that situation, yeah, but a fraction of the people that are there.
I'm grinding on you all because people are going to come and talk to you. Your grandkids, your kids, your neighbors, they're going to come and they're going to talk to you. All of a sudden, you can reinforce this stuff positively. I know very few women who say, "I got to go back to work." Almost once that kid comes, they're going, "Gee, I should be staying home." But then the family gets together and goes, "Well, we need this and we need this, and what about this? Oh, my gosh. We've got a three-bedroom house. This is our third kid. What are we going to do?" Here you go. Put two in one room. That's one way to do it. You don't need to move. Every time you have a kid, they don't need their own room.
Seven Lessons from Lot's Life
So enough of all that. Let me just see if we can grind this home. Seven things. We're going to look at Lot's life. We're going to look at what Lot did, decisions he made that ultimately really screwed up this family.
Look at Genesis 13, if you will. Lot made a first decision, and that was he chose where to live for all the wrong reasons. "Lot looked up and saw that the whole plain of Jordan was well watered. So Lot chose for himself the plain of Jordan and set out toward the east. Abraham lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot pitched a tent near Sodom. Now the men of Sodom were wicked and sinning greatly against the Lord."
Here's what's happened. God has so blessed Lot and Abraham that the land can't support them. So it's time for them to choose where to live. Abraham says, "Listen, Lot, you figure out where you want to live. I'll go the other way." Lot takes a look, and he sees the plain of Jordan. He sees this well-watered plain. Now what that means to you and me in our context would be like he sees lots
Lot sees this great business opportunity there. He sees a great business environment there. It's the land of opportunity. He also realizes it's the land of wickedness. He's got a choice. He understands the downside, but he makes his choice based on business.
Now I'm sure, it doesn't say it in the text, I'm sure what Lot said is, "I know it's a wicked place, but when I get there, my wife and I are going to be salt and light there." Well, he was half right—she was salt there—but business interests just trump family things.
I talk to people all the time that determine they'll move. They'll say, "We're going to move to Boulder, got a great business opportunity to move to Boulder." They'll call in five months and say, "Do you know a good church in Boulder?" Now I understand, I'm a church guy, I got that. I wouldn't move somewhere if I didn't know there was a church there. What in the heck are you thinking about? You've just told me with that move that whatever the business is, it's more important than your spiritual condition. In other words, "I need to find a good house and a good school and a good job. Do you know a good church there?" So what's really important is the house, the school, the job. I watch it all the time. Make decisions that are driven by business, even with an understanding there's a little bit of wickedness there inside him.
Look what he says there, he pitched his tent. He's on the outside of the city near Sodom.
The Danger of Tolerance Toward Evil
Here's the second thing: be really reserved about the kind of evil you see around you. In the New Testament, and this really screws us up, Peter describes Lot as a righteous man—that's hard to find as you study this story—who's distressed by the filthy lives of lawless men. "For the righteous men living among them day after day were tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw around him and that he heard around him." Lot lived every day in this awful place and it really stunk and it was really evil. He was not salt and light there at all.
He was there consistently saying—and again, it's not from the scripture, I got it—I guarantee you he's saying to the family, "Listen, this is for your own good. I'm doing this for you, I'm doing this for you, working 70 hours a week. Why? For you, so you'll have all this stuff." Let me give you a tip: they don't want the stuff, they want their dad, they want their mom. I'll acknowledge again, they make it tough because they'll fight you and say, "I want the stuff."
I'm watching a little of this Oprah thing yesterday and there's this mom, single mom, and what she was doing was just getting her kids everything they wanted. Here's what she said and it's what I see all the time and this is at the core of all this. She said, "I know I," and she's a single mom, so I'm cutting her a lot of slack and you should too, but she's making all these wrong decisions, discipline and everything else, but she said, "I feel so guilty." That's what I see driving most parenting: guilty feelings. Parenting out of guilt and parenting out of fear—those are the two things I see. I'm parenting out of guilt, so "I know you need more from me, so here, here's an iPod and I've loaded it with some songs I think you'll like." And parenting out of fear: "We aren't going out in that dark world, it's scary out there. I'm not going to get any of that on you until you're 18, then you can just go home and just bust loose."
He's living, Lot's living in the midst of all of these things and he's keeping silent in the middle of all this. Here you go, we talked about abortion last week. I admire pro-life people. In a sense, I even admire the pro-abortion people—at least they have a stand. The ones I don't like, I can't stand the pro-life people who say, "I'm pro-life and I'm pro-life because I think abortion's wrong, but I'll tell you what, I'm not going to force my opinion on anyone else. I don't want to force my morality on anyone else."
We force—that's what law is. "You can do whatever you want with your own body." We don't let a woman go down to 24th and Camelback and say, "Here you go buddy, 50 bucks, roll in the hay." We don't let her do that. We don't let you shoot yourself up. "You can only do with your own body whatever you want." That position that says, "I'm against abortion, but I'm not going to force that opinion"—to me, that's an abortion agnostic and that's just a totally inappropriate spot.
The Illusion of Insulation
Here's the third thing Lot did. Remember what Trinity Jews tell you how to screw up a family: believe you can insulate yourself against all this rampant immorality. In Genesis 19, five chapters later, two angels arrive at Sodom in the evening, verse one, and Lot was sitting at the gate of the city. Let me stop here. Lot started at a tent outside, now he's moved into the middle of town, now he's sitting at the gate of the city, a position usually set aside for the city officials.
He sees these men, they bow down. "My lords, please turn aside to your servant's house." He said, "No, spend the night here in the town, that's where we'll stay." They said, "We'll stay in the town square." He said, "No, come and stay with me." And when the men of the city heard this, here's what they did. They came to Lot's house, said, "Where are these guys? We want to bring them out so that we can have sex with them."
Lot thought somehow he could live in the middle of this and not get any of this on him. Now it may sound to you—let me stop—it may sound to you like I'm sending conflicting messages and in a way I am. I'm saying to you that we need to be intimately involved with the culture in the world around us, but we need to understand that if we aren't careful, they're going to get more culture on us than we're going to get Jesus on them.
This was a low point of my life. The girls came home one day and I said, "What's Beavis and Butthead?" Have you ever seen Beavis and Butthead?
Haley came in and said, "Dad, please don't make me watch Beavis and Butthead. I shouldn't be watching that. And dad, I don't think you should be watching it either." I said, "Well, good. Haley, you passed the test." She said, "Dad, you don't need to be seeing that stuff. That's going to get all clogged up in your head and you're going to be all screwed up and I don't need to see that. You don't need to see that." That's exactly right.
You can't get away from it. Every time Fashion Square is one of my favorite places to go. And every time I'm walking around the second floor, I come around the corner. I am face to face with those Victoria's Secret girls' pictures right there. I don't care. I know they're coming. I'll get distracted or something or cheat even a little like that. And now you can't get away from it.
So I said, "I'll walk on the first floor." Perfect. There's the stuff there. You can't. You can't. And it doesn't even matter because you've got everybody around you. If you're allergic to silicone, don't go to Fashion Square. That's what I've learned. Itch the minute I get in there.
Your Family Has to Sacrifice for the Sake of Your Reputation
Here's the fourth thing. Figure out that your family has to sacrifice for the sake of your reputation. I gave you the story. The men come of the city and they say, "Here, Lot, send the guys out. Can we have sex with them?" And here's what Lot says. Lot says, "No, my friends, don't do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you and you can do what you like to them. But don't do anything to these men. For they have come under the protection of my roof."
In other words, it's my reputation. My reputation's at stake here. I'd be a bad host. All of a sudden, you're asking family to sacrifice for the sake of your reputation.
Here's where I see that a lot. I see it in business. We had a guy in one of our studies who had 12 moves in 12 years. I said, "How's that working for you?" He said, "Well, it's working for me real well." I said, "Well, I'm sorry. I asked the wrong question. How's it working for the family?" He said, "Well, my kids are absolutely out of control and my wife is a mess. My wife has no friends."
By the way, I'm going to give you all a tip to a great marriage. If you want to have a great marriage, the woman has to have good female friends. If you want to have a great marriage, the woman has to have great friends. Here's why. She has to talk and the guy isn't going to listen. That's the way it is. She's got to talk. She's wired to talk. She needs to communicate and he doesn't want to hear it. He isn't wired that way and all you need to do is have somebody hear you. The really important key to a strong marriage is really good female relationship for the wife.
Here's what old Lot's doing: my reputation's more important. So this guy's got 12 moves in 12 years. I said, "What's the deal?" "Well I'm trying to move up the corporate ladder." You've got to stop and figure out if you can afford to take the next pay raise and the next promotion. Because it devastates family.
Here's what I'm learning, and I knew it but I didn't get it: key to our life and our well-being is relationship. I just mentioned it with wives in marriage. But to have relationship for kids, they're going from school to school to school. How tough is it to know every year you're going into a new school with new friends? And then the guy's going, "I don't get this, my family's out of control, my kids are out of control, my wife has no friends. I'm pretty happy with my career." Can I really afford this raise? That's what you have to ask yourself.
I was talking to somebody and this guy's got a great job, making a lot of money. He's been at it a long time, so it's work but he's pretty proficient at it, so he can do it pretty easily. And he called to say a group of guys made him a huge offer, signing bonus, to go to another company. And he said, "Do you think I should take it?" I said, "Let me tell you something, they're going to want you to work. They're going to want you to work. You got a pretty nice deal right now. Your kid doesn't have a soccer game you don't go to. Your daughter's not in a play you don't see. If you want to get out and play a round of golf in the morning or in the afternoon, or even just blow off a whole day, you can do it. Why would you go do that? Two things: more money, and he already has more money than he can spend, more money, more prestige. Why would you sacrifice family for money and prestige?"
Lot did it.
No Spiritual Conversations with Your Kids
Here's the fifth thing old Lot did: he didn't have a lot of conversations about spiritual things with his kids. Finally, here's what happens. The angels come and they say, "Look, God's going to destroy Sodom. Do you have anybody here? You got son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws, you got all these people, whatever you got, get them together and get them out."
So it said, "Lot went out and spoke to his son-in-laws who were pledged to marry to his daughters. And he said, 'Hurry and get out of this place because the Lord is about to destroy the city.'" Genesis chapter 19, verse 14, here's what it says: "But his son-in-laws thought he was joking."
Apparently he'd never laid the groundwork for this sort of a serious spiritual discussion. You're raising kids, and I hear people do this. I don't get it. "We're going to let our kids figure out religion on their own. We're going to let them determine their own faith. In fact, our kids don't want to come to church so we aren't going to make them."
Listen closely. Stupid. "You don't come in, I don't want to do math." "Then don't do math." "I don't want to go to school. I don't, don't go to school. I don't like school." "Don't go to school." "I just want to eat cheeseburgers."
Just eat cheeseburgers. We don't do it in any other area of life. We say to them, get your tail in there, get your math done, and get your butt to school. "I don't like it." "I don't care if you don't like it."
We come to church and go, "I don't want to go." "Oh, I don't want to push him away from the Lord." You're not. He's already away from the Lord. You're not pushing him anywhere. He's already not in the team. You don't know what's going to happen when that kid sits there and sees stuff, and at least somewhere along the way, God may, down the road, use that verse, that lesson. Somewhere along the way.
Teaching All the Time
You teach these kids, Deuteronomy 6. When you stand, when you sit, when you walk, you're teaching all the time, Bible. I saw this lived out. That's what Susan did. Susan would teach our kids from morning till night.
We never once, that I'm aware of, had a set time where we said, "All right, everybody's going to meet at six o'clock, and we're going to read through the Scripture and sing hymns." People do that, and that's fine, that's great. We just didn't do that. Susan would take a trip to the grocery store and turn it into a Bible lesson.
Susan would be at the checkout with the people in front of them, and the kid going, "I want that candy, I want that candy." And she'd say, "Okay, girls, what's that look like? What's that kid doing?" I remember at the mall, I'm at the mall one day with the girls, and they're just kind of trying to figure out boys and all this stuff. And I said, "Stand right here, girls. Watch those boys over there." There's three boys hanging on the other walkway. Every time a girl would go by, they're kind of looking at them, and they'd go by and they'd start talking. I'd say, "Do you see that? You understand that boys are sick? Do you see how they think? Do you see how they operate? Do you see how this, do you see how that hurts?"
Teaching Respect and Gratitude
"Do you see when that clerk, do you see how that person..." Denver said, "It drives me crazy that I'll spend 40 bucks for a lunch and write the thing, and I'll give it to you, and I'll give him the thing, and I'll say, 'Hey, thanks for the great service.' 'Oh, no big deal.'" I know that. Say, "Thank you, Mr. Schrader, sir." Okay, that might be a stretch, but just thank you. Just anything other than "have a good one." Anything other than that.
Living Under Judgment
Here's the last thing he did: kind of act as though judgment will never come. So that's what's happening, and you can read the story. They're trying to get out of town, and judgment will never come, and what loses a wife along the way.
Your life will be so much more effective if you live with the reality that judgment hangs over you. I don't mean that in a sick way. I don't mean that in a dark way. I live every day with an understanding that how I live today will be judged by God.
Now, if you're not a Christian, you are not going to be judged. I think sometimes we miss this. Judgment is only for the Christian. The unbeliever dies, they die condemned, they spend eternity in hell. Your life as a Christian is judged by what you've done since that moment in time that God saved you to the end of your life, to death. What have you done in there?
A Personal Reflection on Time
I remember calling my dad on his birthday. He was 66. And calling him, and it was a Wednesday, and I was driving to Tucson, and I know him like a book. I mean, he's so predictable. And I know that he's going to get up, and it's about six o'clock in the morning there when I'm getting ready to call, and I know at this point he would have just shaved, and he'd be kind of getting around.
So I call, "Hello." I said, "Hey, how are you doing? Happy birthday." "Hey, thanks." I said, "What are you doing?" He said, "I just shaved." I said, "Really? Who would have guessed that you just shaved?" Yeah. And so we talked for a while, and I hung up.
And I didn't think about him so much as I thought about there's going to be a time when the girls are going to call me and say, "Hey, dad, happy 66th birthday." What's my life going to be like between now and then? And that's only nine years from now. What am I going to do between now and then? And God's going to judge me.
God's Plan and Our Part
And God gave me today. God gave me this moment. God gave us this place. Here's the deal. God's doing something significant in this world, and if you're a Christian, you're part of it. And that ought to jack you up. That ought to excite you to no end.
And this is really important: His plan is to spread the good news of Jesus Christ through this world, through people like you and me, and He has no plan B. I mean, when we came in, the paper was this morning, I said, "How'd the Suns win last night?" "Won in overtime, that's great." And it's cool, and people are excited, and it's spring training, and we can get excited about a new... we're going to roll out a new product next week at work, and we're excited about that.
We can get excited about all those things, but let me give you something really exciting. God's working in this world, and He's using people like you. He saved you for this, and He gave you a background. He gave you hurt, and pain, and failure, and success, so that you can uniquely be placed, uniquely reach that person He's brought into your life that maybe no one else at this point can talk to.
The Complete Collapse of Lot's Family
Lot didn't do any of those things. You want to see the family collapse? Here's how the family ends up in Genesis 19. Lot and his daughters left Zoar, and they settled in the mountains. One day, the older daughter said to the younger daughter, "Our father's old, there's no men around to lie with us as is the custom all over the earth. Let's get our father to drink wine and lie with him and preserve our family."
Mission accomplished. They got it. Let's violate all the rules. Is God against sex by force? Yeah. But at the core of that, in that, in where we are in this culture, this time is really the destruction of what we're watching and just normal family. And if you want to see it all...
Cultural Contrast and Family Structure
You can do an experiment every night at five o'clock on TV Land. Leave it to Beaver is on, and you can watch one episode of Beaver and then turn to any show you want now that's on television. Watch that family structure and tell me if you don't see two totally different families.
We're so sick, and people are so sick, that they're willing to acknowledge they can't raise their family and bring in Super Nanny. They have everyone watch how silly these people are that they can't raise their own kids because they're violating biblical principles.
Next week we'll discuss the whole idea of marriage and God's plan for this sexual expression within marriage.
Closing Prayer
Father, thank you for this truth. Some of that stuff includes things we don't want to hear and certainly runs counter to the culture, but it seems pretty clear that You've given us instruction and wisdom for how we're to live. Let us live in a way that brings honor and glory to You.
Thank You for loving us and caring for us, God. I pray for those that are here with families that they would understand the awesome responsibility that they have to steward the kids that You've given them. Father, for those who are in hurt and pain as a result of the very things we've talked about today, let them understand that You love them and that You care for them and that there's forgiveness and that there's hope. While they may have been victimized, they don't have to live as a victim the rest of their life.
God, take this message and just plant it in our heart. We pray this to You in Christ's name. Amen.
Have a great week. We'll see you next week.