Getting Control Over Your Appetite

Tom Shrader examines how uncontrolled appetites and desires become the root problem that sabotages financial discipline, time management, and life goals. Drawing from Proverbs, he explains that like a city without walls, a person without self-control becomes vulnerable to every attack. He teaches that wisdom and discretion, developed through God's Word, provide the necessary foundation for gaining control over the appetites that pull us off course.

“Sin will always take you further than you want to go, and sin will always keep you longer than you want to stay, and sin will always cost you more than you want to pay.”

— Tom Shrader

Series: Getting Control (2016)

Recorded: 2016

Duration: 38 min

Themes: self-control, discipline, appetites, desires, wisdom, boundaries, temptation, stewardship, struggling with impulses, lacking discipline, financial struggles, time management issues, parent, mentor, young adult, new believer

Scripture: Proverbs 25:28, Proverbs 20:1, 1 Timothy 2:4, Proverbs 21:17, Ecclesiastes 5, Proverbs 23:19, Proverbs 23:29-30, Proverbs 23:31, Proverbs 22:3, Proverbs 11:22, Proverbs 2:1, Proverbs 29:18, 1 Corinthians 15:33

Theological Themes: sanctification, biblical wisdom, spiritual discipline, flesh vs spirit, proverbs, self-control, discretion, biblical authority

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Full Transcript

Glad that you are here. It is week three of a series that was strategically chosen by me, for me. I don't think I've ever done that. I oftentimes go, what's the pulse in the country? What's the pulse in the room? What do I think we need to look at? But I felt I really needed this, especially for last week.

So you have in front of you the outline, Getting Control of Your Life. The theme verse is Proverbs 25:28, "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." A city in that day without walls of protection—think of the old forts—with those walls down, we're totally vulnerable to any sort of attack or enemy. In our life, it's that discipline, that self-control.

We talked the first week about finances. We talked last week about schedule, and it was for me, talking to me. We're going to talk next week, and my fear is some of you are about to check out here, because we're going to talk about career next week. You're going to go, "Well, I'm way beyond that." But you're going to see that as you live life, figure out life, that those same principles are there. One, you have kids, grandkids, people at church, people in your sphere of influence, young men and women who are sorting out career, and you are going to have a cheat sheet to be able to talk about it.

Today's Topic: Getting Control of Your Appetites

Today is the topic that stops it all. It's getting control of your appetites. By appetite, I don't mean food. That's part of it. We mean desires.

Here's what I've realized. Most of the time, when we talk about finances, or we talk about schedule, we talk about these different topics, almost always, almost everyone goes, "Well, that makes sense. That makes sense that I should have control of my time. That makes sense I should have control of my finances." It's that way in all things in life.

I think I mentioned last week, through the 3D guys and Randy, I had a chance to do a coaches conference—high school coaches spring sports: baseball, softball, track, some golf, tennis. It was absolutely a blast. The only bad thing, we had to go to Tucson. The more I'm with the coaches, and it's high school level, the more I develop a fondness for these men and women. They are committed people dealing in tough situations who are, in many instances, the authority figure in these kids' life.

I've got three hours to talk, and at 45 minutes into it, I'm done. By that, I mean they've started to interact, and they've jumped ahead to topics. It was interesting, because we were talking about coaching the kid's heart. They were talking about—one guy said, "I had this football coach 20 years ago, and he used to write a note and stick it in my locker." This was a big, tough football coach, remembering 25 years ago. There was another guy that said, "I wrote Christmas cards to my kids this year." I said, "How long did that take?" He said, "Like a half hour. I did it while I was watching a game."

The Gap Between Knowing and Doing

I said to them, what I would say to you, and I say to me: we know these things are right. Why don't we do them? You know if you take half of a football game, and you write cards to your kids, you're going to touch their heart, and you're going to be able to communicate to them. You're going to help them. They're going to help you. You're going to develop a team cohesion.

I know what to do with my time. I know what to do with my money, but something happens. I get sidetracked. Again, the term we've used are appetites. It could be money, exercise, work, power.

I had my annual physical a month ago, and we're all done, and I'm sitting down with Dr. Burns, a great guy, great doctor, and he said, "Tom, you know, you've got to lose a little weight." I said, "All right." He said, "Do you know how to do that?" "No, I don't. What would you suggest?" He said, "Well, a plant-based diet." I said, "Man, you should have saved that for the end. You should have started with the easy stuff."

But I know. Why not do that? Why, when I go to my cardio rehab, are the nurses from the cath lab standing outside smoking? Isn't that weird? What do you need to see? Well, it's the appetite.

Our Study Structure

So here's what we're going to do. You got the outline. We're going to look at the need for control—uncontrolled appetites. Then we're going to look at the character trait that you need, and we're calling it discretion, wisdom. And then we'll tell you what to look for.

So here you go, just working our way through this. First point: uncontrolled appetites are against your agenda, point one. It's Proverbs 20, verse 1: "Wine is a mocker, beer a brawler. Whoever is led astray by them is not wise."

Understanding the Cultural Context

In the book of Proverbs, the author uses wine, and my fear is the culture's so shifted. Sandy and I were talking about this last night. The culture's so shifted in the last 30 years. I was teaching at a church, and they were doing announcements. It's not one of our churches. It's not a redemption church. I have no control over this. I'm a guest.

And they said, "Our arts department, we're trying to bring together arts from around. Our arts department is going to be meeting here in church next Friday night." And in the old days, we'd say potluck, bring a green bean casserole. And they said, "And we will have beer and wine." Well, you would have never heard that 30 years ago. And it's just more and more that I'm with men and women who say they're Christians, who like a glass of wine and like a drink.

And I got no problem with that. That's a conscience issue. Make sure you control it. When the author of Proverbs writes, he points out the potential danger of that. So I don't want you to get hung up on this and miss the principle. He compares wise person and a fool. And he says a person who's engaged in this wine and beer could be led astray, pulled off guard.

Some of you are in small group Bible studies. And some of you teach classes. And I'm going to give you an opportunity here to do something I never did.

I think it's potentially brilliant. 1 Timothy 2, verse 4 says this: "No soldier in active duty entangles themselves in the affairs of everyday life." I think it would be an incredible study to unpack what are those things, those entanglements. But what the author of Proverbs is saying is these things come along and they distract us. They get us off course. The appetites run amok.

I was talking to somebody the other night, and I said something about an Iowa wrestling match. He said, "Do you watch that?" I said, "Yeah, I have it. It's like at 6:10 on my Direct TV." He said, "How many channels do you have?" I said, "I don't know, 600? 700? I don't know." Sandy will buy, like they'll send a note out, and for the fall we could pick up for five bucks a month. I don't know, 20 more channels. I saw Stony Brook play Delaware. I mean, I can get a lot of stuff.

And yet, every night we say the same thing. Help me out here. "There's nothing to watch." That can't be. Because when we had ABC, CBS, NBC, we found something every night. There's nothing to watch, and there's 600 channels. And yet, I watch it. It's keeping me from doing something. Uncontrolled appetites, whatever they are, oftentimes good things that have gone bad, they work against my agenda.

Economic Cancers

Here's the second thing. There are economic cancers. Proverbs 21:17: "He who loves pleasure will become poor. Whoever loves wine and oil will never be rich." It comes back to, again and again, Ecclesiastes 5: "Whoever loves money never has enough. The more you make, the more you spend."

I said the other day, it doesn't matter where I go to breakfast or what I order, it's $25 when two people are done. I'll have a carrot and a hard-boiled egg, that's $12.95. I used to get the grand slam, 14 pancakes and eight sausages and eggs for $1.99. But why, and this is not a shot at you, it's at me, why would I spend that? I guess because it's there. The more money I have, the more house I'll get, the more clothes I'll get, the more car I'll get, the more trips I'll get. You all know me, I'm not anti any of those things. What He's saying is, if that's not controlled, it can become a huge problem.

There's a book that's now a classic, and I wouldn't recommend that you read it, but I'd probably Google it and kind of get five paragraphs. The title is "Amusing Ourselves to Death." The gist of the book is, we live in this world where we're constantly trying to amuse ourselves.

The Distraction Epidemic

In this coach's presentation, there is a slide where there's a lady trying to teach half a dozen girls how to hit a forehand. The picture goes up, and they're there, and then part of the presentation, there's a sound come in, it's a phone going off. Everybody in the place is checking their phone.

When I was doing the conversation and saying, "Are kids different today?" and we have these discussions, it's amazing, the coaches right away go, "Social media is so different." There was a lady who's a head track coach, and I don't know where, I don't know if she was at Sabino or not, but she was the 100-meter high hurdles champion in her senior year in the state of California. I'm going to guess she's good, fast. She said, "I got kids that warm up with their phone in their hand."

When I got all done at the end, and I was trying to tie it together, I went back to that, and they're going, "Social media." I said, "Every one of you have your phone in front of you. Half of you, as I hit some point that wasn't interesting to you, went to Google your friend and say, 'I'm stuck in this meeting, and it's mandatory.'" You live in this world where we amuse ourselves to death. These uncontrolled appetites are economic cancers.

Killed Ambition

Here's the third thing. They kill ambition. Proverbs 23:19: "Listen, my son, be wise. Keep your heart on the right path. Don't join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, drowsiness clothes them." All of a sudden, it sucks that drive in. It sucks that ambition.

I'm going to go, and I'm not sure this isn't too autobiographical, and maybe it's my problem, not yours, but I've found age can do that too. When I'm with a group of young men, we're constantly talking about the future, constantly. "This is what I want to do. This is what I see. This is my dream." When I'm with a group of old men, we're constantly talking about the past. "This is what I did. Did you get the long scope or the short scope?" That's our discussion the whole time. That's all we talk about.

All of a sudden, if my memories exceed my dreams, it dings away at my ambition. It begins to take things away. If my appetites are out of control, all of a sudden, I begin to lose that drive.

Masochistic Dependencies and Destructive Fantasies

Let me put four and five together. Uncontrolled appetites are masochistic dependencies. Uncontrolled appetites are destructive fantasies. Proverbs 23:29-30, a little star by this one on your outline. Six questions. "Who has woe? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes?" There's six short, quick questions. I put them in pairs.

The first two are emotional. "Who has woe? Who has sorrow?" Social: "Who has strife, complaints?" Constantly battling. "Who has needless bruises, bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over the wine, who go to sample mixed bowls." They mix this stuff together. People who begin to think about being self-absorbed.

Remember a few years ago, LeBron was trying to figure out if he was going to leave Miami and go back to the Cavs. It was a big hoopla. I was like, "What? Not my deal." So, you know, I watched it. Every person who spoke, and they said, "What do you think LeBron should do?" Every one of them said, "He needs to do what's best for him." Every one of them said that. "He needs to do what's best for him." Is that how you run a relationship?

I had a guy - can't make this up. We're sitting down in our commons, our coffee shop at church, and he said he wanted to get together. He said, "Tom, I think I'm going to get married." I said, "Well, that's good. Now, you've been married before, haven't you?" And he said, "This will be the sixth one."

He said, "What do you think about this?" And I said, "You know, I'm not a counselor. I don't know." He said, "Tell me. You're not going to hurt my feelings." And I said, "All right. You tried a fat one and a thin one, and a tall one and a skinny one. You tried a rich one, and now we're trying one that's not after your money, you don't think. Here's what I think. I think it doesn't matter. I'm sensing you're the problem. That's my guess."

But I don't know. You may be the greatest guy in the world. But I linger over this. I watch this. I'm dependent on this. I become self-destructive. I watch this over and over again.

Destructive Fantasies

It's destructive fantasies - number five on your list. Proverbs 23:31: "Don't gaze at the wine when it's red. That's when it looks the best, and that's when it's most potent. When it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly. In the end, it bites like a snake, poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights, and your mind imagines confusing things."

All of a sudden, my brother the other night - because all of a sudden now at Iowa, all of a sudden now we're interested in basketball. We weren't for a long time. He said, "Have you ever been to Carver Hawkeye Arena?" And I said, "One night. I know, but I don't remember much. There were some hoops and a ball, and it was the old days." All of a sudden, you have this confusion, lost. You don't see things. You're pulled off your agenda. Your ambitions kill.

The Basic Premise About Sin

So here's the basic premise. It's an old adage. You know it. It's about sin. That's what we're really talking about - appetites run amok. Sin will always take you further than you want to go, and sin will always keep you longer than you want to stay, and sin will always cost you more than you want to pay. It's just going to bring you in. That's what that whole five points are.

It looks so good. She looks so good. It seems so harmless. It's just one more thing. It's just another half hour. It's another click. It's just another thing, but all of a sudden, it begins to sweep. Unless you intervene - literally, that's what we call it, isn't it? Unless you intervene, unless there's an intervention, it will pull you down this road with amazing destruction.

Here's the problem, and I've said this a million times. If I ever write a book, which I won't because that would require a lot of work, my title would be "You Aren't the Exception," because that's what every person thinks. I know lots of guys. I know lots of guys couldn't handle this, but I can. I know lots of guys need to put in the time in the gym. I don't. I know lots of guys need to work on skills. I don't. I know lots of guys, they can get out there, and in the negotiations, they can slide the line and slide the line, but I can stop. They couldn't.

These uncontrolled appetites. So when I get to the areas of work, or the areas of finance, the areas of schedule, the area of life, these things pull me off course.

What Character Trait Is Missing?

What do I need? Well, you've got to figure it out as you look at the second section there. The character trait that's missing is wisdom, discretion. My definition, my urban definition of wisdom, it's the ability to see the forest and the trees. It's the ability to connect the dots. It's the ability - and I don't know if I've become convinced or convinced myself - that perception becomes almost the defining driving motive in how I react and how I see things.

It's what happens with pain. Pain comes in. I lose my perspective. All of a sudden, I'm overwhelmed. So here was the definition we used of faith a couple of weeks ago, and I like it because I can remember it. Faith is to see my situation as God sees it. And now I want to line up after that.

Discretion as Insurance

So discretion is an insurance against personal calamity. Another star, number one on there, Proverbs 22:3: "A prudent man, woman, person anticipates danger, takes refuge. The simple keep going."

I used the illustration a couple of weeks ago, I think. We had a young man in our church, 28 years old, three small kids, dies obviously unexpectedly, wasn't sick, and had no life insurance. Now, I have really strong feelings about this. You eliminate one caramel macchiato a week, and I can get you half a million dollars worth of life insurance if you're 28 and healthy. His three kids and wife are suffering today because of it. Anticipate.

Personal Habits and Wisdom

There's a great YouTube. I'm a YouTube guy. I love my night. I go to bed the way our schedule typically is. We're watching 24 right now for the first time through. We're in season eight. I've got five hours left. And so Jack Bauer, he's amazing. And this day I've been in, he got shot twice, stabbed. They used jumper cables to torture him. And he looks fresh as a daisy. I mean, he's had a tough day. Sandy keeps saying, "This is a tough day for Jack Bauer."

So we watch Jack Bauer, and then Sandy will always go, and she's got to close down her computer and take care of her work and all that. I go to bed. I get my phone. I have iHeartRadio, and I have five Christmas channels. I listen to a Christmas song. This is so stupid. I listen to a Christmas song. I listen to WOC Radio in Davenport, Iowa, just to hear that the government bridge is open. Dumb. And then I'll watch a YouTube or two.

And there's a John Wooden YouTube where Rick Reilly - some of you know Rick Reilly. Rick Reilly, His intro is, "Whenever I'm in the world and I'm kind of overwhelmed and I think everything is changing, I come here." And He's at Coach Wooden's condo to see the little old man. And Coach Wooden was 99 when they taped it. And His voice is pretty gone at this point. And Reilly starts talking about Wooden, and it makes me cry. And he said, "Coach Wooden..."

The Wisdom That Attracts Others

Discretion has the ability and the vision to see around corners. It's wisdom. For us, it's that ability to connect the dots. It's the ability to understand I'm not the exception. It's the book of Proverbs.

The second thing: discretion is imperative for desirability. There's something attracted to that. Proverbs 11:22 says, "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion." You didn't know this was in the Bible. Looks good, but...

Haley called me last night, and they're big Brighton, Yale, huge Bronco fans. So this is a big deal. She was on her way to AJ's to get blue and gold tortilla chips. I said, "Haley, we don't need this." She's got a Broncos cake and all these different things. She said, "You know, Dad, there's something wrong with me." I said, "Well, me too, buddy. It's in your jeans. I got it."

She said, "I'm on the treadmill today." You got to know Haley - she doesn't like to sweat, and she doesn't do this. But she's now running on the treadmill. She said, "I'm on the treadmill, and I got ESPN on." This is a girl who had no interest in sports until she met Tyler. Here's how I knew she was in trouble: she was driving to Cal State Fullerton for an ASU baseball game, and she came home talking to me about sacrifice bunting. I said, "All right, we're in love at this point."

The Power of Commitment and Wisdom

She said, "Dad, I'm watching ESPN on closed caption, and the players are talking about how they want to win this game for Peyton and what a leader Peyton is. Dad, this is so stupid. I'm on the treadmill crying, watching this." I said, "Isn't this something about it? It just pulls you in when you see that kind of commitment."

When you see somebody with wisdom, you become a magnet to the people around you. You're attracted to that. Rick Riley can go anywhere in the country, and he's going up to see Coach Wooden who can barely talk. Discretion is obviously enviable in people's lives. It's the same principle: "In the paths of the wicked lie thorns and snares, but He who guards His soul stays away from them." There's something about that wisdom where you want to get into it.

My fear - and I don't know if that's the right word - is that you can really only get wisdom through experience. It's kind of theoretical until then. You can go and scrimmage and scrimmage and scrimmage, but until you're in the game, you don't know. You can go out here and have spring training forever, but until you got live pitching in a game that matters, you don't know.

Learning from Those Who've Been There

When you see this wisdom, Mickey Mantle - if you're my age growing up and at all into baseball, because baseball was the sport then - it's 90% likely your hero was Mickey Mantle. The last press conference I saw with Mickey Mantle was after he had a liver transplant. They asked him if he was a role model. He said, "I really am if you want to know how not to live. I really am if you want to know." I mean, it's the classic: "If I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."

You have these people in your life. What I'm saying is go seek them out. Maybe you're even amazed that people want to come and talk to you. They see something in there. They see that wisdom. You need in your life mentors and role models.

In my life, a role model might be - I don't want to get political in this - Abraham Lincoln or Winston Churchill. Here's the problem: Churchill doesn't call me back. And I've called a lot. You need a role model, and they're hanging around. They're hanging around at your parent-teacher conference meetings. They're hanging around at the Homeowners Association meetings.

Finding Mission in Unexpected Places

I'm with a guy yesterday talking about this stuff and control and getting old. He said, "I'm doing a lot of volunteer work." I said, "Oh, what are you doing?" He said, "I'm president of my Homeowners Association." Really? I mean, there's got to be something else to do. He said, "You know, it's a great opportunity. These people are nuts, and I become the calming factor. I get to make Jesus real." I mean, isn't that great? This is really great. Talk about missional and on mission. Isn't that great? He said that Homeowners Association gives me more opportunity to share Christ than anything else I'm doing.

Developed and Maintained by God's Word

Let me put these last two together. Discretion is developed by God, and it's maintained by hearing His word. Proverbs 2:1 says, "My son, if you accept my words and store my commands within you, discretion will protect you, understanding will guard you."

I love this thought: that life is an open-book test. There's not going to be a bunch of stuff that comes at you that you couldn't anticipate. I'm teaching at Redemption Gilbert in another month or whatever, and I said, "Are we in a book study?" They said, "No, we want you to talk about suffering." Everywhere I go now, they assign me suffering and legacy. This is how you know you're old: suffering and legacy.

The Universal Reality of Suffering

I'm trying to approach it uncharacteristically, starting all over. Here's the thing about suffering to me: it's absolutely universal. It's at different levels, but it's just as real. You're a seven-year-old kid, you get cut from the baseball team - that's crushing. The physical agony.

I was at the doctor's office a couple of weeks ago, and I'm in the waiting room, sitting there looking around. It looked just like this group. I mean, it was very discouraging. I'm teasing about that. It was six old guys. Every one of them had the same question: "Can I use the restroom?" It was the same six guys waiting around. The inevitability of it. The suffering of it. How do I see that? I see God in the midst of that.

I see a world that's confused, and it doesn't really know. But I develop wisdom by honoring God. There's a book, always dangerous here, to talk about a book I haven't read. But it's popping up in all my discussions. And the book is called Awe. Paul David Tripp, I believe. And I heard a discussion, eight or nine minutes. And he's coming back to what we know, and that is, I need to get the awesomeness of God.

How do I crowd out this temptation in my life? Well, I understand that I'm not going to find real permanent relationship and meaning and purpose in this sexual relationship, or in this deal. This is always the time of year for it. You know, Super Bowl, so intense. And one of these two teams, I have no clue which one. One of them are going to get a big ring. And a bunch of guys on that team are going to wake up two weeks later and realize, as important as that ring is, it's not going to make me happy long term. The only thing that'll do that is that honoring God and who He is.

Finding Real Meaning Through God's Word

And I see this, I get it, I connect it by maintaining hearing God. How do I hear Him? Through His Word. There have been so many times over the years where I've been invited to speak on different topics. And I will lay out Scripture. Won't quote it, just lay it out. And they'll come back and go, that's incredible. Where did you get that? Is that Jack Welch? I doubt it. That's God. He created you. And then He gave you that Bible, that owner's manual. And He said, follow these words.

Proverbs 29:18. Where there's no revelation, the people cast off restraint. Where there's no vision, the people perish. The vision there isn't, we're going to build this building on this campus. Vision is the revelation of God's Word and the understanding. And you begin to see the world around you. And you begin to understand this. And you begin to understand, this is what's really important. And all of a sudden, those appetites, those temptation, that suffering, that sin gets put in its proper place.

I mean, Sandy was talking the other night about empty calories. And she always looks at my plate when she does it, which bothers me. But let's talk about empty calories. And she's eating this asparagus and all this stuff. And I thought, sin is empty calories. Feels good. Even fills me up maybe for a second. But does enormous long-term damage. And never really permanently satisfies.

The Final Three Principles

But let me give you the last three, just because some of you will go nuts if you walk out of here without them. Watch for people who have what you want. Wait for people who have what you want. And walk with people who are going your way.

I taught junior high, high school summer camp, four or five hundred kids, every summer for 20 years. And one of the verses that we would use every year is 1st Corinthians 15:33. Don't be deceived. Bad company corrupts good morals. Unfaithful will be trapped by evil desires. Watch out.

You guys are mature and sophisticated. You got a lot of life. The tendency here is to let your guard down and understand it matters who you hang with. Discretion is going to be elevated when you look at people who have and are what you want them, you want to be. It's an old adage, five years from now, you'll be a product of the books you read and the people you hang with. To be readers and to take in information. To have those role models that'll call you back.

Staying On Track Throughout Life

Well, in this life, we see, we're on track. You chart it out. You do it every year. You do it at the gym. We see it at church. Sandy and I came into church the first Sunday in January and I said, I should have known this. I'm going to end up parking way the heck out. Because we're the moral New Year's resolution. And the gym gets busy. The people I don't really work out tend to take that early January and run outside or go to a different place because everybody's lined up.

These appetites get in the way of those things you know. I don't need to convince you. You know is right. You know the time control. You know the financial agenda. Wisdom. Seeing things as God sees them. It puts me on track. It gives me understanding. And you're foolish if you don't think that applies to you. And you're foolish if you think you can grade out of this or age out of this program.

And it's even more important now because our resources are less. I have less time, less energy, less effort, harder. It's wisdom. It's that missing ingredient. Now we talk about career. Talk about life and the application to it.

Closing Prayer

Father help us see this truth. It seems so obvious to me. Bring around us people who will give us access. Give us a boldness. And God, let us be okay with being the people that others come to. That all of a sudden we've got a lot of firepower, Father, in this room of people who've lived great lives. Who made mistakes and learned and who can be literally influencing thousands of people. God give us a heart and a passion for that. Let us honor you and maintain that relationship with you by being students of your Word. Apply it to every area of our heart. We pray that to you in Christ's name. Amen.