Bad Company Corrupts Good Morals
Drawing from Ephesians 5:1–11, Tom Shrader calls believers to imitate God by walking in sacrificial, Christlike love modeled in 1 Corinthians 13, standing in contrast to the sexual immorality, impurity, and coarse talk that characterize the surrounding culture. He warns that persistent, unrepentant engagement in these sins is incompatible with belonging to the kingdom of God, citing parallel passages in 1 Corinthians 6 and Galatians 5. Rather than withdrawing entirely from unbelievers, Shrader challenges Christians to remain engaged with the world as salt and light, refusing to participate in sin while maintaining genuine relationships that open doors for the gospel.
“The purpose of the church is not to make the world a better place to live in; it's to make a better people to live in it.”
— Tom Shrader
Series: Ephesians
Recorded: 2010 at East Valley Bible Church
Duration: 37 min
Themes: sexual purity, love, holiness, friendship, temptation, salt and light, coarse talk, kingdom of god, struggling with sexual temptation, feeling pressure to fit in, new believer, young adult, navigating friendships with unbelievers, questioning if behavior matters for salvation, parent worried about child's friends, someone living in unrepentant sin
Scripture: Ephesians 4:1, Ephesians 4:22-24, Ephesians 4:30-32, Ephesians 5:1-11, Ephesians 5:18, 1 Corinthians 13, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, 1 Corinthians 5:9, 1 Corinthians 7, Philippians 2:3-8, Romans 1:18, Romans 5:5, Romans 8:29, 1 Peter 1:14, 1 John 3:2, 1 John 3:8-9, 2 Corinthians 3:18, Galatians 5, 2 Timothy 4:2, Proverbs 25:28
Theological Themes: sanctification, becoming holy, imago dei, imitating christ, kingdom ethics, sexual immorality, repentance, common grace
Full Transcript
Walking Worthy in Everyday Life
Open your Bibles to the book of Ephesians. If you don't have a Bible, raise your hand and our guys will bring you one. When you get that Bible, go about two-thirds of the way back to the New Testament, page 152 or 153. Paul has a pivot point in this book at chapter 4, verse 1. We've spent the last five or six weeks beginning to apply that.
Paul says in verse 1 of chapter 4 that we should walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which we've been called. In other words, God saved you — look like it. He begins to apply that, staying within the context of the church, our own personal lives, and our interactions with each other. He tells us to put off and to put on, to lay aside and to pick up, to replace one thing with something else. In a couple of weeks we'll talk about husband-wife relationships, children, and employee-employer relationships. Then he closes, beginning in verse 10 of chapter 6 through the end of the book, with this spiritual battle that we're in — a real spiritual battle that we indeed have.
Christianity Equips Us for Real Life
Thirty years ago, Ray Stedman wrote these words: "The task of Christianity is not primarily to get us ready for heaven, though that has been an emphasis in past generations. It is in itself a relatively simple task as far as God is concerned. He gets us ready for heaven by an act of faith in Jesus. The major task of the Christian faith, however, is to equip us for life and to live life."
We've said that before. If all God wanted to do was get you to heaven, the moment you believe, He would take you there. Stedman continues: "The message of Scripture, therefore, is how to handle life. I'm not talking about ideal life, life as we can think of it on Sunday morning when we're removed from much of the rush and the pressure of our days. But life out there, life with its pressures and problems, with its joys, its challenges, its heartaches and tears, its confusion and bafflement, its possibilities of gracedness. We don't come here on Sunday morning to huddle together and learn how to hang on. We come here to learn how to handle life so that we can go out, face the worst, still stand. That's what Christianity is about. Therefore, the purpose of the church is not to make the world a better place to live in. It's to make a better people to live in it. Then, as a kind of byproduct, and always that, the better people will make the world a better place."
Our faith is to transition out of this room, this place, and this time into what we fondly call the real world. I'm on an internal campaign to make sure we understand that our Christian faith is something that's 24-7 — it relates to every area of our life and is not isolated to church, small group, or even family. It affects the way we go to the gym and work out. It affects the way we play golf. It affects the way we treat a barista. It affects all areas of our life, those that are really obvious and those not as obvious.
Faith Shown in How We Treat People
Common courtesy matters. I have a friend who's a surgeon, and if you want a really good take on a surgeon, don't ask him or even his colleagues whether he's a good surgeon — ask the nurses. They're the ones in there in the midst of the really hard times. I was talking to a couple of nurses the other day and his name came up, and one of them said he's an extraordinary guy. They went on to talk about how, in the operating room, he treats them with dignity, not as though they're just there to wait on him. So faith translates into all of those areas.
Paul says you're a new creature — walk like it. The process, which you ought to have by now, is laid out in verse 22 as putting off the old, and in verse 24 as putting on the new. These examples are representative, not a total list: tell the truth, don't lie, don't steal, do work. This whole process begins in verse 23 with the renewing of our minds. We begin to think differently. We no longer do what comes naturally.
Putting Away Bitterness
There is no better illustration of that than where we left off two weeks ago: "Let all bitterness and wrath and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted." That's not natural. The motive becomes forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you. "You don't get mad, you get even" is clearly the way the world sees it. God says, "Vengeance is mine." You forgive. You get rid of this bitterness.
Other than when we talked about strategic defaults, I think I've had more response to the lesson two weeks ago than to any other lesson in a long time. We get a lot of questions when we do Doctrines of Grace, but in terms of real response, dialogue, examples, and stories, I've had more to that lesson on Ephesians 4:30-32 than perhaps any lesson ever — because it's so real. That's right where we live. We had a teacher on Father's Day, so there were people here who aren't typically here together as a family. They just aren't typically high-fiving each other — that's not the norm for them. And we live in that world. It might be family, it might be work, it might be someone from our past. When I say "bitterness" and someone comes to your mind, whoever that is — what Paul says is, get rid of that.
Then Paul says, let me give you a role model. A week ago yesterday at 8:30 at night I called Tyler and said, listen, I don't feel typically too bad —
Imitating God as Beloved Children
Tyler had twelve hours to prepare to deal with Ephesians chapter 5, verses 1 and 2, and I thought he did a wonderful job. I want to take what he laid out and build on it. Paul says in chapter 5, verse 1, "Be imitators of God as beloved children." The Greek word translated "imitator" is the word from which we get the English word "mimic."
Let me read you two paraphrases of that verse. The first: "Watch what God does and then do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents." The second: "Follow God's example in everything you do, because you are His dear children."
Let's make sure we understand that. We call Him Abba Father — in a sense, the intimacy of "Daddy." He is our Father. Not everyone in the world can call God Father. We are not all children of God. Jesus says, speaking of a certain group of people, "You are of your father the devil."
When we started our study of this book back in chapter 1, verse 5, Paul tells us that God had predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ. Romans 8:29 says He foreknew you and predestined you to be conformed to the image of His Son. And 1 Peter 1:14 says, "As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts." That is at the very core of what we're talking about. Don't be conformed to those, but "like the Holy One, you yourselves also should be holy."
Present Children, Future Glory
1 John 3:2 says, "Beloved, we are now children of God." We're not already there in the fullness of what that means — Tyler did a wonderful job last week talking about past, present, and future. There will be a day when we will be in heaven with Him, but until then we remain in imperfect form. We will never be God. He doesn't say be God. He says be like God.
1 John 3:2 continues: "It has not appeared as yet what we will be. But we know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is." We don't now see Him as He is. Tyler went to 2 Corinthians 3:18 last week: "But we all, with unveiled faces, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed." So we are in this process. We don't see perfectly yet, but we will one day be like Him. It is a guarantee.
Romans 5:5 says, "Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Theory, Practice, and Imitation
When the Greeks were teaching individuals in oratory, they followed a particular policy with basically three components. They taught theory, they required practice, and in the middle they literally placed imitation — mimic what you see. Do it this way, use this phrase, do this thing. That's the idea of a disciple, one who follows. Tyler talked last week about being covered in the dust of your rabbi — following and doing everything he does.
This is only one way to become better at something, and that's to do it. That's why from the beginning at East Valley Bible Church, I've never had outside speakers come in to fill the pulpit. When I'm gone on vacation, you get the junior high guy, the high school guy, and the others here, and you all have been wonderful at receiving them, blessing them, and being blessed by them. I was just talking to Matt Dresbach the other day, and he said that when he tells his friends he's going to be in the pulpit on Sunday, they're blown away, because that doesn't happen in a lot of places. But the only way for Matt, or Rick, or Tyler, or Paul, or myself to get better is to do it — with imitation at the center of the learning process.
The Communicable Attribute: Love
There are attributes that God has that are unique to Him, and there are attributes of God that are communicable to us. He is immutable — we can't do that. He is eternal — we can't do that. But He is love, and we can have our version, our human version, of love. That is what He singles out here.
Love rises to the top. "Be imitators of God as beloved children, and walk in love" — how? — "just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us." There is this sacrificial love at the center of the call. I've become overwhelmed by the fact that love is the key to making anything work in terms of human relationship. Love is the key to any of it.
The Love Chapter
With that in mind, turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 13 — the love chapter. You know it well, and should know it well, not because you attend a lot of weddings, but because God takes us back to it again and again. "Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant. It does not act unbecomingly." It would do you well to take some time this week and think through all of that carefully.
In the middle of this passage I circle the next phrase, because it really is a summation of all the rest: "Love does not seek its own." It is not easily provoked, and it does not take into account a wrong suffered — it does not keep score. It does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices in truth.
I also want to draw your attention back to verse 7, as I have done roughly every three or four months for the past three years. "It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Each time I return to this, I read a short paragraph on each of those four qualities from John MacArthur. This is the kind of love we are talking about — and when we say love, we mean precisely this.
Love That Bears, Believes, Hopes, and Endures
Talking about this love one for another — it may be in a husband-wife relationship, it may be in friendship, whatever context that is. Love bears all things. That means basically to cover or to support, and therefore to protect. Love bears all things by protecting others from exposure and ridicule and harm. So rather than expose people, we cover them up — not to hide sin.
Genuine love does not gossip or listen to gossip. Even when sin is certain, love tries to correct it with the least possible hurt and harm to the guilty person. Love never protects sin, but it is anxious to protect the sinner. So we do not rejoice in the idea of somebody's sin, and we do not gossip about it. I know more about Al Gore in the last three weeks than I need to know. This is not edifying to him, it is not edifying to me. All it does is give sick people on TV the opportunity to glory in the fact that this man has had some sort of issue.
In addition to bearing all things, love believes all things. Love is not suspicious or cynical. It throws a mantle over a wrong. It also believes in the best outcome for the one who has done the wrong — that the wrong will be confessed and forgiven, and the loved one restored to righteousness.
Love also hopes all things. Even when the belief in a loved one's goodness or repentance is shattered, love still hopes. When it runs out of faith, it holds on to hope. As long as God's grace is operative, human failure is never final. Think Peter. Think John Mark. Failure is never final as long as God is at work in a person's life. God did not take Israel's failure as final. Jesus will not take Peter's failure as final. Paul will not take the Corinthians' failure as final. There is more than enough promise in the Bible to make love hopeful.
Not only does love believe and bear and hope all things, it endures all things. The word translated "endure" was a military term used for armies holding a vital position at all costs. Every hardship, every suffering was to be endured in order to hold fast. Love holds fast to those it loves. It endures all things at all costs. It stands against overwhelming opposition and refuses to stop bearing, stop believing, or stop hoping. Love will not stop loving.
Loving as Christ Loves
That is the call Paul gives us — and it is precisely why that passage ought to be read at weddings. That is the love meant by "in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer."
Now, back to the text. Here is what Paul is saying: I want you to love, to be imitators in love. But not as man loves — as God loves. Love as Christ loves. If you go to the very next book, Philippians chapter 2, there is that very familiar passage, Philippians 2:3: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."
That is how Paul says we are to live — in that selfless, sacrificing way that is driven by concern for others, not for ourselves. No relationship lived on those terms can fail. Take Susan and me. If Susan's concern is for me, and my concern is for her, and both of us place our love for God above even that, that marriage has to work. It does not mean it will be smooth or easy, because I cannot live in that place perfectly all the time. I wish I could say I loved her perfectly all the time — I do not. I wish she loved me perfectly all the time — she does not. But that is what I am striving for. That is the sacrificial love they are talking about.
Satan's Counterfeit of Love
Whenever God establishes something, Satan produces a counterfeit. What Paul addresses in verses 3 and 4 is Satan's counterfeit — what Satan makes love look like. "But immorality or impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among the saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks."
Paul identifies three things that must not be found in the church: immorality, impurity, and greed. He is speaking there, I believe, in a sexual nature. Now let us be clear about this, because it may surprise some of you — God is pro-sex. God is more than positive about sexual intimacy. In fact, God says it is important — essential, I would argue — to a marriage. He says that at the core of marriage ought to be this sexual intimacy.
So important is sexual intimacy that Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7 that husband and wife are not to deny sex to one another. There are some exceptions — a time for prayer, a time for fasting — but if that denial continues and the couple does not come back together quickly, Paul warns it will provide an opportunity for Satan to work in there and distort things. God created us as sexual beings. In the garden, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. Then sin came in and distorted everything, including our sexuality.
Single, Celibate — Married, Celebration
Over the years I have been able to distill this whole matter of sexuality into something straightforward. Single, celibate. Married, celebration. That is it. If you are single, you are to be celibate. If you are married, there is to be sexual intimacy and celebration.
Now for the words Paul uses, I will give you some general definitions and you can fill in the blanks. Immorality is all —
Replacing Impurity with Gratitude
Sexual immorality, or sexual sin, is driven by a lack of self-control. Proverbs 25:28 says, "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." The walls would be the protection. No self-control, no protection. Impurity is just a general term — it means dirty, unclean. General sexual sin is all-encompassing, going from one extreme to another, and impurity is a broad term that speaks of things that are filthy and unclean.
These are the things you would never do if somebody was watching. They are the things you hide, the things you do when you are out of town on a business trip, the things you do when you are confident no one is going to see. You do them with the lights off. You do them hidden. And greed — when Paul talks about greed here, he is not talking about greed as we think of it in relation to material things. He is talking about a sexual desire that overwhelms everything else, that says, "I have to have whatever that is." It is regarding the sexual desire. And he says simply: that is totally inappropriate for God's people.
Not only that, he moves from these actions into what he calls filthiness, silly talk, and coarse jesting. Two paraphrases render it this way: "Obscene stories, foolish talk, coarse jokes" and "gossip, dirty talk, silly talk." These are general obscenities — degrading, disrespectful conversation. Silly talk is dull, stupid, anti-intellectual conversation that goes on and on.
Think of the sports talk shows that move from information into all sorts of things you do not want to know about. Think of the entertainment gossip programs, the magazines at the checkout counter filled with stories that are barely believable. Who makes this stuff up? And then you ask, who buys it? The answer is obviously a great many people. The market for it is enormous. Paul says you should not have this. It should not be present in you. Verse 3 calls it improper, and verse 4 calls it unfitting.
But these things do need to be replaced with something. We do not simply take something away without replacing it. There is a place to have fun and to laugh, but not at this kind of content. It is to be replaced with gratitude. John Piper writes: "Gratitude is what you feel when you believe God is for you, not against you. It's what you feel when you believe that He gives you only what is good for you and withholds no good thing. It's what you feel when you trust Him, that the tragedies of your life are not evidences of His meanness or incompetence, but rather they are disciplines of a loving God who values your holiness above your fleeting worldly happiness. So you can see how thanksgiving is the alternative to a life driven by cravings for what you don't have — sex or money. Thanksgiving says, in God I have all that's good for me, and I will not be driven to dishonor the worth of His name for a few moments of sexual sensation or a few new toys."
The Wrath of God and the Kingdom
Verse 5 states: "For you know with certainty that no immoral person or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of God. And do not let anyone deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God will be poured out on the sons of disobedience."
This is not a theme isolated to Paul or to the church at Ephesus. In 1 Corinthians 6 he writes: "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, the idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexual offenders, thieves, greedy, drunkards, slanderers, swindlers will not inherit the kingdom of God." In Galatians 5, he lists the acts of the sinful nature — many of what we have already discussed — and adds to them hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, factions, and envy. John writes in 1 John 3: "Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. He who does what is right is righteous, just as He is righteous. He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin."
Now we have to stop and really take account of this. My suspicion — and I will include myself here — is that at least by verse 4, when Paul begins talking about silly talk and coarse jesting, those things pop up in our lives all the time. And in the lives of people in this church, you are going to find moments of immorality and impurity and greed, and you are going to find moments of filthiness in conversation and silly talk and coarse jesting. Is Paul saying that if you do these things once, you are out of the kingdom? I do not think that is what he is saying.
Persisting in Sin Is a Warning Sign
Paul is giving us a very sincere warning, saying: if you persist in this, you need to understand that this is not godly behavior. Those who are known by these things will not inherit the kingdom of God. I find it very sobering to read these verses myself, and even more sobering to have to teach them. Here is what he is saying: if there is an ongoing practice here — continuing, unrepentant — you should in no way think that you are a child of the King. If you can go on and on in this without any struggle, without any repentance, something is wrong. Something is deficient. Something is missing.
Do not let anybody deceive you. Paul writes this to his protégé Timothy in 2 Timothy 4, verse 2: "Preach the word. Be ready in season, out of season. Reprove, rebuke, exhort with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance with their own desires." That is what he is saying in verse 6 here. If somebody starts telling you this behavior is acceptable, do not be mistaken. Do not be swept away by the idea that everything is new because it is 2010.
We have said this many times: do you understand that someone once stood up and said the same thing in 210, and again in 1010? God has not changed His mind on this. This idea of self-centeredness — we even use the language ourselves: my hopes, my dreams, my desires. God says we need to be reoriented in this thinking.
The Wrath of God
In Romans 1, verse 18, Paul tells us that the wrath of God is now being poured out. It is not only that there will be a final moment of judgment — that sense of wrath and fire and brimstone. In Romans 1, we see the wrath of God demonstrated another way. Beginning in Romans chapter 1, verse 18, through the end of the chapter, God essentially says: I will simply let you do what you want to do. That will be My wrath. I will not extend love toward you. I will withhold and withdraw Myself from you and let you do what you want to do.
Do Not Partake — But Do Not Withdraw
Paul then moves in verse 7: "Therefore, do not be partakers with them. For you formerly were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light, for the fruit of light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth." He calls us to learn what is pleasing to the Lord and to do it. We are not to participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness — instead, we are to expose them. He is saying: I want you to live in a different way.
Now, Paul is not saying we should have nothing to do with the people around us — our friends, schoolmates, co-workers, people at the club or the gym, family members — who are engaged in these kinds of things. We need to be very careful here. My conclusion is that he is not saying that at all. In 1 Corinthians chapter 5, Paul writes to the church there, which is struggling with sin within the church, and he clarifies what he means when he says not to participate with them.
In 1 Corinthians 5:9 he says: "I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with immoral people. I did not at all mean with the immoral people of the world, with covetous or swindlers or idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world." Here is what Paul is saying: you are more than welcome to spend time with those people, but you do not do what they are doing. You are among those sinners, but you are not participating in their sin. You are an ambassador for Christ and you bring a ministry of reconciliation into the world.
How can we do that if we have no contact with people? How can we be salt and light if we have no contact with those who are in the dark?
Salt and Light in the Real World
When God saved me it was a radical conversion, and everyone around me — certainly everyone in the office — knew it. The guys were pretty astounded that when work was over I would still go with them to Durant's or meet them at Friday's. I would hang out with them. They would have their beer or whatever they were having, and I would have a Diet Coke, and we would talk — probably have meaningless, silly conversations about ASU and the U of A and Iowa football and work. If things got crazy or wild or out of hand, I got out of there. I was not going to sit and participate and be part of that.
I think that is exactly what Paul is saying here. You cannot be partakers in the activity, but you also cannot simply withdraw from the people. How can you possibly take the gospel message to a lost and dying world if you are not interacting with the people in that world? We applaud people who are willing to sacrifice — perhaps even their lives — to go around the globe and enter cultures where Christians are persecuted and killed. We applaud them, and then we are afraid to go across the street or go to a restaurant or spend time with people right here who are desperately in need of the gospel.
God saved you for a reason. It is not to act like the world around you, and it is not to pretend there is no distinction. He makes it clear, and we will unpack it further next week: you were this, now you are this. You used to live in the deeds of darkness, but now you live in the deeds of light.
Exposing Darkness by Not Participating
It is straightforward in verse 11: do not participate in those deeds of darkness, and expose them. How do you expose them? Simply by not participating. And when you do not participate, people will ask why. My daughter Sarah was about 12 or 13 when she went to a birthday party where part of the celebration included going to a movie. About an hour and a half later, I got a call from her. She said, "We're at the movie."
Guarding Your Heart
A friend called me and said, "I don't think it's a movie you want me to see." I asked whether the parents were there, and she said yes. I offered to come get her, and she said no. Right there — that was a line in the sand. It is hard to do that without appearing self-righteous, but I had to applaud her for it. She was part of the party before and after, but in her mind, this was an inappropriate place to be.
That is exactly what Paul is saying. The biblical principle is simple: bad company corrupts good morals. Be careful. That was actually the accusation leveled against Jesus — that He hung out with drunks and prostitutes, with the whole crowd of people. Yet we know He did not sin, so we know He was able to remain in the midst of it. My sense is that the moment things crossed a line, He was out of there.
It is a slippery slope. A big example is kids going away to college. All of a sudden they begin to see things they had never seen before and start to mess around with it just a little bit. You never know what that first drink will do. You never know where that first movie, that first time on the internet, that first whatever is going to lead. It is a dangerous and potentially slippery slope. Paul says to be careful and to guard your heart.
You may wonder whether you can actually do that. The answer is tucked away in verse 18: "Do not get drunk with wine, but be filled with the Spirit." That is what we will look at next week.
Closing and Communion
Let me close by reminding you that if you are looking for something to read this afternoon, tomorrow, or on vacation, the Randy Alcorn book in the bookstore is worth picking up. What we need to do now is respond to this in our own lives and examine our own hearts. We must understand that God has redeemed us, and He has redeemed us for a purpose and for a reason.
Father, thank You that we are a redeemed people, that You have changed us from the inside out. God, thank You that though there is darkness in this world, You have called us to the light and called us to be instruments of holiness and righteousness. Thank You that You have brought us here and that You empower us. I pray that how we respond to You today — to this message and to Your Word — would be something that brings honor and glory to You. We pray in Christ's name. Amen.